dVH/RALH: EEP!- Really scared and worried

I have been in natural menopause for the last six years, and started bleeding at the beginning of June. Well, my hysteroscopy + D&C last month, while it stopped the bleeding, also ended up with biopsy results of complex hyperplasia with atypia. It feels so very wierd to be feeling physically okay now, but know that inside my body my cells are not normal, I alternate between feeling numb and feeling completely terrified at the way my life will be changing.

Once the results were found, I was referred to a new doctor, a gynecological oncologist, who advised me to have a total hysterectomy: cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. While he did answer my questions (and I had two pages of questions!) I know that until they are actually in there doing the surgery that there will be things that are unknown. New doctor prefers to do robotic surgery, which I feel good about, but I have so many worries about how I will feel inside once my parts are removed. My surgery is scheduled for January 19th.

Unlike many stories I read here, my "lady bits" have never been troublesome to me (for which I am very thankful) and I am so worried about all the different things that could go wrong! I asked the doctor about if I would/could have menopause symptoms since they are taking out my ovaries, and he said that might happen, even though I have not had symptoms with my natural menopause!

I am also very worried about what this will do to my relationship with my sweetheart, in terms of our intimate life... I asked the doctor who said that "while it will be different, most folks end up okay"... I did not find that terribly reassuring. While I am trying so hard to think of this as an "opportunity", the idea of having to start all over again at square one and figure out what I might like, what might feel good, if ever it will feel good again after being all remodeled! and how to work things out between the two of us just has me distraught. It also seems so nutty of me to be worried about s*x when I actually might have cancer! I mean, I know that my sweetie is really worried about my health, and will be supportive of whatever it takes to have me healthy again, but I can't help my worries from taking over when we are not together (he lives about 120 miles away, so we only see each other a few times a month)

There are so many new, different, and pretty unpleasant things that I see in my pathway ahead... bowel prep, major surgery, catheters, and being incapacitated and needing help for my daily life tasks. I am worried about all kinds of little details too, like where the incisions will be on my belly, so I know what kind of underwear to get! (I am a pretty plump lady already, so getting extra big panties might not be possible - those mesh things that they put on me at the hospital after my D&C were kinda painfully tight) I keep telling myself that this surgery is necessary for me to be healthy again, but I'm feeling perfectly okay now! (except I'm not, there are these cells in my uterus that are not at all okay)

I just worry about where this is going to end... each time I go in for a procedure, they keep saying "for most folks this takes care of it" and I keep being in the small group that it does not... I keep having to not work while I am recovering, and since I am self-employed, when I don't work I don't get paid, which will make things difficult this winter! I am fortunate to have a good support system of friends, family, and neighbors, so that is one bright spot in this dark fog of unknowns. The thing is, I am usually a pretty cheerful person, and do my best to find the good in a situation, and to count my blessings. I am grateful that I do have the option to go to the doctor, and to get the care I need to deal with my medical foo, but I cannot find what is good in this, it just plumb scares me silly!

I know that this is a really long post, but I just need to let it out, so I don't explode, and so that hopefully I can manage to go to sleep! I have been really having trouble getting to sleep each night, laying in bed and worrying about this new chapter in my life...

I have many of the same concerns. Im scheduled for Monday... Im also self employed and yesterdays customer exposed me to rotavirus. I am not a happy camper right now. If I get sick, not only will I have to reschedule this thing, but I will also not be getting paid while Im sick on top of it.

My issue is fibroids, not cancer concerns... although I think all women worry about that what if possiblity as we make decisions on whether we take or leave the cervix. You gotta do what you gotta do...

Im also concerned with how intimacy is going to be after the procedure... and the truth is my body may or may not respond the way it did before... but how I FEEL about my husband only grows stronger with time, and that cant be taken away by having a hysterectomy. Who knows??? maybe once Im not aching pinching cramping and bleeding all the time, it may actually be better!!!

Ask the questions you need to ask... deal with the things you need to deal with... but as far as the unknowns... dont borrow tomorrows troubles <3

Ladies I'm very glad you both found this site! We are your sisters now and we're here to support you, answer your questions and listen to your concerns. Accepting you need this surgery is very difficult for a lot of us. There are a lot of unknowns and it is a leap of faith. Do lots of research, get a second opinion if you wish, and write down all your questions for your doctor. No question is too silly or embarrassing. They have heard it all, and it's your body so you need to be prepared. Concerns about intimacy post op are valid. You're having surgery down there so things are bound to be a little different. It was very distressing for me post op too. What will be different, how will it affect my relationship with DH, will he still want me, etc. I find men are very practical about hysters. It's not working right, so fix it and move on. I found it helped to communicate with my partner and let him know how I feel because I needed a lot of support and patience from him as I went through this. Many of us have gone through what you're feeling now and we're here for you.