Pre-op fear also

Hey all,
very new here. Just posted earlier today that I am scheduled for TAH and ok with the decision. THEN after reading this site, and taking a long walk, I have major second thoughts.
I have one "worriesome" ovary and one small fibroid on the uterus.
I DID get two opinions. One, old school, said, just get it all out of there, and no more worries.
Second, teaching hospital, young doc, said choice of TAH or taking out the one ovary laproscopically. I opted for TAH but now think, WAIT, WHY?
Only one ovary is "worrysome" -they did a blood test and said there were no tumor markers.
I really feel like the old school doc, that is just his pat answer, and the new school doc is steeped in so much red tape, and I feel they are both just trying to cover their butts.
I am an herbally oriented type person. I've been very healthy, and treat myself with herbs. I dont beleive in "fear reactions".
So, as of right now, I am thinking that on Tues. when I go for bloodwork and consent form signing, I am going to tell the Dr. I have changed my mind.
If there is no "pathology" on the uterus or right ovary, I dont want to think "oh, it might be bad later".
There is not really a reason to take them out except fear, and I dont want to live in fear. (Although I am a bit freaky right now.)
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
I really appreciate all of you sisters out there!

SoleaLuna

This is totally your decision and I am really glad that you are putting some thought into it. If I had a choice I probably would of still let everything go because of so many years of misery. Congrats to you for thinking this through. Keep me posted on what you choose to do.
Jaclyn

In fact, this is my first post.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a D & C last August that showed hyperplasia with atypia. I was told that it was pre-cancer, but no cancer was found. However, they couldn't be sure there wasn't something in the uterine wall. They recommended hysterectomy. But I felt it was too automatic a reaction. It seemed like the attitude was that since I was post-menopause, why not just take it out? I, on the other hand, have a deep respect for the way in which our bodies were made and work, and tend to be very conservative regarding surgical and pharmaceutical interventions.

My intuitive reaction was that I was fine. Like you, I take excellent holistic care of myself. And in addition, no family history of cancers. So, I opted to lose weight (to reduce estrogen levels) and step up the nutritional / herbal self-care. I refused to be sucked into the fear. I also had a strong feeling that I was not to have the surgery at that time. It even went so far as multiple attempts to contact the gyn-oconolgist for a consult were all unsuccessful. In my last attempt I got a message that the phone was disconnected - talk about divine intervention. I also consulted with an internist who supported my life style attempts.

Anyway, I had a follow-up biopsy this spring. The ob/gyn was happy that there wasn't a lot of "gunk." And all samples but one came back clean. One sample however still showed the hyperplasia with atypia. This time, my reaction was different. The thought of a lifetime of biopsy and D & C s to monitor the condition seemed counterproductive. The risk is relatively high that I would have a problem. I also was no longer feeling that strong intuitive reaction not to have the surgery. On the contrary, I was feeling like it was the right thing to do. I was able to meet with the gyn-oncologist with no problem, and she answered a lot of questions. And lastly, I consulted again with the internist. He also recommended the hysterectomy at this point because of the high risk factor.

So, Friday I spoke with my regular obgyn to tell her my decision. Monday I will call the specialist's office so that they can arrange the surgery date.

I know that some people might find my reaction kind of "airy-fairy" but I definitely balanced that with getting as much information as possible, consulting with a dr I trusted, and finding this board was very helpful as well. I was able to ask more intelligent questions.

I also feel great. This made the decision more difficult on the one hand, because I was in no distress. On the other hand, it did also give me time to consider my options, try other things and get better educated.

So, I have no idea if I made the right decision or not But did want to say hi and that I understand how you're feeling.

Hello! I cant advise you one way or the other, but I can only tell you that I had a total hysterectomy last Oct, and it was the right decison for me. I have had a major decrease in my daily pain levels. So, I have had no regrets. However, if you are having doubts about whether or not to take the other ovary, then do what you feel comfortable with now. If the dr gets in there and sees that it doesnt look good, he is going to take it out anyway. If it looks okay, and you want to leave it for now, that is okay. If it gives you trouble later on, you can always take it out then. And who knows, you may never have to take it out!

I think it is wonderful that you are taking your time, getting second opinions, and putting alot of thought into this. If it will ease your mind, then by all means, go to another Dr. and get a third opinion. Even if you have to pay for it, there is no price for piece of mind. But, in the end, if you still have doubts, then leave it for now, and if you need to later, you can always take it out then.

I wish you the best of luck. I said a prayer just now that you make the right decison for you. If you are a spiritual person, then I encourage you to pray about this and let God guide you to the right desicion. Hugs, Amy

Hi Solealuna:

I have no regrets.

I also went back and forth in my head about having a hyster. Should I? Shouldn't I? It drove my family nuts. Then one sleepless night I came to the realization that life is short and I don't want to waste another minute feeling bad. I deserve to feel good. So that was it. I made up my mind, but that didn't make my pre-surgery fear go away.

The fear is just part of being human. Prayer helped me emensley.

Thank you Aubergine, especially, and all of you for answering.
I am still upset and unsure. I know about the airy-fairy part.
How can I tell my friends and family who think I should have it done immediately that I can't yet give up on this stage of my life. And I even...well, had and angel? serendipity? sign? of someone telling me it's not right...and I can't negate that, as hard as I've tried.
Thanks y'all.
Namaste,
SoleaLuna

Hi SoleaLuna, and welcome to HysterSisters

You mentioned that you have one small fibroid. Is it causing you any pain or excess bleeding? If the fibroid is not bothering you, perhaps you should just be concerned about the worrisome ovary.

Get smart about your symptoms and your options, and make the best choice for YOU. I am sending huge cyberhugs

SoleaLuna,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having doubts and rethinking this through. A hysterectomy is a major surgery that is irreversable and unless you are 100% ready to have it done, than holding off for a while is very wise (unless of course your situation is life threatening as of right now). And there is nothing wrong with seeking out more opinions from other doctors besides the two you have seen. Exploring every other avenue of treatment for your condition first is important because 1. there may still be a chance of preserving your reproductive organs (even if you don't want children, these organs have many other health benefits) and 2. having explored and tried all plausible options first will give you more peace of mind that you did everything you could first and will be more ready for a hysterectomy.

In my own experience, I have many deep regrets having had this LAVH/BSO almost eleven months ago. First and foremost, I was not 100% ready and willing. My situation is entirely different from yours, but I had to share because I have a few similarities to what you are going through. My condition was endometriosis. I was not given many options for treatments (tried birth control, Lupron, diagnostic lap). I was diagnosed September 2004 (but suffered symptoms since 1999). By April of 2005 my gyn was already suggesting a hysterectomy. Having had some idea of surgical menopause with the Lupron, and only being 33 and childless, I thought no way! I went to another doc for a second opinion, only to be told the same thing. Get a hysterectomy, it would cure the endo. I wanted another laparoscopy to remove the endo, but neither doc was willing to do this. Both said it was too extensive. I fought with my HMO insurance for a referal outside my network (especially to see a specialist), but was denied. So I lived on narcotics and a wait and see approach until July. Went back to original gyn and again he suggested hysterectomy. Talked it over with my family and they all said I would feel so much better (my cousin and an aunt both had one and were doing fine). I was desperate for relief and didn't really take the time to educate myself about other options and about the incidiousness of endo. So I had the hysterectomy last August. Doc assured me he would try to preserve an ovary "if possible", but I woke up with both of them gone. And only I am to blame becuase I gave him permission when I signed the consent form. Again no remaining endo lesions were removed at time of hyst, and I had extensive lesions on my bladder, posterior cul de sac, sigmoid colon. I was hit hard and fast with surgical menopause and even with hrt have come nowhere close to finding balance. I have more health problems than I ever had before (food intolerances, candida, many surgical menopause issues, migraines, chronic diarrhea). In the meantime, the pain in my lower abdomen is getting much more intense and very much like the pain I had before. I found another gyn who tried me on progesterone to inhibit any remaining endo, but I could not tolerate it whatsoever. Then tried no hrt and was a complete wreck. Now I am facing another laparscopy August 25th to check for more endo, scar tissue, or adhesions and hopefully get some relief from this relentless pain, so that I can focus on putting the rest of my life back together. Had I taken the time to find this doctor before, who also understands my history of depression and the effect this surgery has had on it, I might never have had to have the hysterectomy to begin with. Of course, there is no guarentee she will be able to get at it all either, but she understands the importance of removing as much of the endo as possible and agrees that a hysterectomy is not a cure for endo. At this point I feel broken inside and wonder if I will ever be able to forgive myself or my previous doc for not doing everything he/I could to help me. Sorry for the negative and depressing story. I know I am probably more in the minority here, and I am not trying to scare you to death, because many women go on to live much better lives, and maybe someday i will feel much better too. This is just my personal and unique experience.

I know that comparing my story to yours is like apples and oranges, but I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire you to really educate yourself on your condition and all possible avenues of treatment. I don't know anything about your condition, and it may very well be that a hysterectomy is the best option for you. But it is important that you come to that decision for yourself based on your knowledge of your body and symptoms, your medical history, the "facts" that are presented to you based on sound research, etc..and not let your family or anyone else influence your decision. Ultimately it is your body and you that is going to live with whatever you choose to do.

Good luck to you and I hope you find the answers that you need!

Hi,
Wow, Naturebound, I am humbled by all the stuff you have gone through. Makes mine look like a piece of cake.
Twysmilin, I didnt think I had symptoms with the fibroid, but had had chronic lower back pain that I attributed to bad mattresses, moving stuff, etc. but after diagnosis of fibroid I began taking Chaste Berry Extract (which is an herbal supposed to shrink fibroids) and after I gave it a month or so (it is slow to work) I suddenly realized I had no back pain, less PMS, and my sex drive was up! SO I am sticking with Chaste as a helper with the fibroid.
I AM today, convinced that ALL I need out is that worrysome ovary. If it ain't broke, dont fix it , is the motto for me!!
Thanks all for the support.
SoleaLuna