Scared for My Mom

The last time I was on a message board was this summer - right before my wedding - which started this mess of a year we are in. During my own wedding I was admitted to hospital with encephalitis!!! To make a long story short, I am still recovering. We lost my Grandfather at the beginning of the month (not prepared for) and now Mom's surgery is November 1st. The thing is that my Mom is 48 and lives alone. I live only about 10 minutes away butam contemplating staying with her for a week or two. But I have 2 little girls myself so.....

To stop the blabbering I am just over worried for my Mom. I am scared that she will not let me take care of her (she is already saying how she is going to the hospital by herself for the surgery) - I just don't know what to do for her...

Can you help me?

Hi Tracie! Sounds like you have a very head strong mother.

What type of surgery is she having? Tell her about this site and the advice women who have had the surgery have given to other women having the surgery. Maybe print a few posts for her.

I was 42 when I had my surgery and I was glad my DH was at the hospital with me until I went to sleep late the night of my surgery. Sometimes you need something quickly and the nurses aren't available. HOWEVER, I would have survived without my DH, but I wouldn't have been as comfortable.

I hope all goes well with your mom's surgery. I don't know what else to tell you.

Take care and best of luck!!!

Tracie G.

Tracie,
What a rough year for you!!!
It sounds like your mother doesn't want to burden you. Please try to get her to let you drive her to the hospital. She will need the support. Try to stay with her until she goes to the OR. See if you can get the hospital to call you when she is out of surgery so that you can be with her for a little while afterwards. I know it's hard with little ones but maybe a friend can sit with them when you need to go to the hospital.
I don't see why you couldn't stay with you mother and bring your young ones. Your mother's door can remain closed so she won't be disturbed by their playing. Your DH can take them at night and on the weekend for that first week or so.
Your mother will need care.
What is she having? And for what condition?
We are here for both of you. Keep in touch.

Thank you for your thoughts. The thing is that my Mom is not being very vocal about what is going on. I know that she is having a complete hysterectomy and that it is an optional surgery at this point - because of some blood disorders it is a "preferred" course of treatment.

Anyhow, I know that she does not want to be a burden. I have already taken the day off work to be with her all day on Thursday - I would not have it any other way - but I am more worried about when she gets back from the hospital.

I also don't think that me staying with my 5 and 7 year olds at her house is an option. She has a two bedroom with one bed in the other room - very small place. But I do plan on being there with her.... just having to figure it all out and not let her know all the juggling or else she gets all defensive.

Keep the advice coming!!!!!!

Tracie,

Your Mom does not want to worry you and she doesn't want to have to worry about not worrying you. I did the very same thing and I'm glad I did. I in fact did not tell my daughter about the surgery until it was over. I knew she would want to be there and I knew she would and I didn't want her to be. I had my DH drive me to the hospital and he dropped me off at the door. I went in by myself and I didn't have to worry about anyone waiting and being worried. When it was over the Doctor called my DH and he then called our daughter and told her. She was totally upset that she didn't know but I would do it again. They came up and stayed about 20 minutes and left so I could rest. My daughter respected my decision to be alone. Please if your Mom wants to do it her way don't push her.

You can help her when it's over by visiting when she wants you too and helping pick up or run errands for her. I went back to work the day after I came home. I actually had to think up stuff for my daughter to pick up and do so she didn't feel left out of it because I was completely capable of doing it myself. Don't go against her wishes if she needs your help just be there for her if she doesn't want you to "hover" give her space. Milk shakes and chocolate are always good to bring by.

Take care yourself it sounds like it's been a rough year. Your Mom will do great. Don't worry. And keep your little ones from jumping all over her.

Good Luck

TAH/BSO & appendix
Large fibroids & a surprise case of endo
severe anemia

8-24-01

Hi Trace, your mum is very fortunate to have a daughter that cares so much Mums do that....they keep alot to themselves and try not to worry their children.
If your live only 10mins away then you can pop in daily and see if she needs anything or if anything needs doing. In the first few weeks she will be resting alot so she will need help with the housework and maybe you could cook her a few meals.

It is important for her to rest as much as possible ( most Drs advise 6 weeks at least ) to allow the body to heal correctly. This cant happen if she is constantly lifting or doing housework. If she doesnt rest she could have complications further along the track , adhesions being the most common one. She has one chance and one chance only to heal Encourage her to drink lots of water to flush out that anaesthetic.

Maybe she would like to pop in here and do a bit of reading before surgery, it may help her. And if she is into chatting , the chat room is lots of fun and so supportive.
Please let her know that we are here for her and for you as well. Best of luck and lots of hugs. x x x

Thank you again for the advice. I have at least gotten her to agree that I can go to her pre-op doctor appointment with her. I just want to know as much as possible. I'll let you know more as I do.

You are sweet , Tracie. Let us know how the pre-op goes. x x