Frustrated!

I just need to vent a little--I'm really frustrated right at the moment. I'm 11 days TVH post-op and think I'm doing really well. I have been up for short errands and done a little bit of cooking(trying to avoid lifting still though) I usually take a couple of pain pills a day but otherwise I manage to get through.

So, my younger children and my husband have all gotten colds/flu since I've been back from the hospital.....and since they dont feel good they expect me to take care of them! I told my husband yesterday...I've done more for you with your cold then you've done for me getting internal organs removed! He's been really good about the driving errands--but not so good with the household stuff. I was a little frustrated at that point but I snapped later on when I told him to be careful when giving me a hug and he said something like "you should be mostly healed anyway" I almost killed him I think.

It took everything to keep from crying (granted that I do that a lot more easily lately--kept my ovaries but am having crying jags and I'm hot all the time) I feel like he's treating everything I've gone through as no big deal.

Sorry this went on so long but I just needed to vent to people that might understand. How are all the other December girls doing?

Hey I reckon lots of men are like that. It's probably because we do so much and just get on with it! Also becuse there is no big abdominal scar to remind them I think they forget sometimes that we have still been through major surgery!!

I also have still got my ovaries but I have blubbed at all sorts recently including an episode of Lost! Sounds like you are doing great but its still early days and you still need your rest so try not to over do it!

Sending hugs from the uk to wherever you are

Ruth x x x

My family also got the flu, but I was five weeks post-op and able to handle it a little bit more easily. If your husband won't listen to you, do you think he'll listen to your surgeon? Call you doctor to see if s/he would be willing to have a sit down with the two of you to discuss the full healing process. It can take up to one full year to recover. This first six weeks is just the most critical part of the healing. Does your husband understand that there are possibly hundreds of internal stitches? Maybe it's because he can't see the incisions that he thinks it's no big deal. At least call your doctor and find out how many internal stitches you have and share this information with your husband. Maybe that little bit of knowledge will help.

Good luck and let us know if you find something that helps him understand what you are going through.

Vent all you want, you are NOT alone! I had my TAH/BSO nearly 4 weeks ago, and my hubby also did stuff, even including some household chores. But you would think he was slaving 24/7 (He made some very funny comments about how he had to clean up the kitchen.)

Before the surgery, I was having pain episodes from ovarian cyst, had elevated Ca 125 blood test, and was worrying about cancer. (Lucky me, it was all due to endometriosis.) He got a head cold, and went so far as to TELL me I didn't take enough care of HIM!

Guys are a piece of work, but we love 'em anyway. Hang in there. You have friends!

This link was on another thread and can (graphically) show DH why your MAJOR surgery is a bigger deal than his cold.
http://www.pelvicfloor.com

You are definately not alone! I don't know what they are thinking. I'm moody, weepy and too warm all of the time right now and I still have one ovary. My DH is a great guy but doesn't understand that I have been alone most of the time for the last two weeks and I am in desperate need of some adult company. I try not to feel sorry for my self but I'm sore, I'm bored and I'm cranky. I think it has to do with the fact that we always keep going normally and they expect it to be the same for this. You have friends that truly understand here any time you need us.

Hi,

Sorry everyone has colds/flu AND not helping take care of you. I think the DH just don't understand, bless them.

Here is a link to our Mister Hyster Sisters page:

http://www.misterhystersisters.com/

You could print some of the info and have a nice sit down with him . I think a talk with the dr when you go in would help as well.

Please don't try to do things you shouldn't, so as not to have problems down the road.

Take care and hope your family gets well soon and can help around the house more so you can heal.

s

Can understand and sympathize with your situation! The week after I got out of the hospital, my toddler was supposed to be in full-time preschool classes and I was going to be at home by myself - getting R&R and only worrying about "me".

The first Monday after my TAH, DH got a call from the preschool to come pick up little DS and take him to the pediatrician. Turns out, the little guy had pink eye! DH stayed home with me that afternoon as a result, but then had to return back to work the rest of the week... I was stuck here at home - recovering from the TAH - with an extremely active toddler with pink eye!! Not only did I have to give him his meds (try to hold him down for it), but had to take care of myself post-op and try not to come down with pink eye myself....

Never seems to fail that when I need DH the most, he can't be there for me for one reason or another.... Another example would be in March '04 - I had a miscarriage and had to have a D&C. It was outpatient, but still given orders to get some R&R after the fact. The DH and toddler came down with the flu.... I ended up taking my teenager out of his classes to drive me home after the fact.... I drove all of us(including DH & toddler) to my appt.... Why were all in tow? Because the teenager wasn't at least 18yrs of age at that time which was required to check me out of outpatient and take me home. DH had to do that... even as sick as he was - which meant little DS had to come 'cuz no one was going to be home to watch him.

I was on orders to get some R&R after the fact, but did that happen? Of course not! I had at least two puking their guts up - one with a really bad diaper rash from diarrhea - and a teenager who had major stuff going on at his school during this time frame.

No rest for the weary....

Hey sis,
This is where your girlfriends and/or Mom are there for you. All of the people who offer to help--take some of them up on it! You'll be able to return the favor one day.

I know how you are feeling. I was hoping to at least get a couple of weeks to worry about me but heck no. My husband had a rare liver disease & it decided to act up this week so he is no help. My d-i-l has been taking care of my farm animals for me & my sister has helped lots with that too but seems my m-i-l expects me to care for dh even though he can take care of himself just can't do extra stuff for me. Like fix me something to eat etc. He has to have some surgery next week so I am realling feeling pressure to "get over it" & get back to my regular duties. I don't feel bad but don't feel good either... it has only been 1 week...feeling depressed about the whole situation.