The Big talk

After weeks of minimizing everything that is about to happen my husband came home from work the other day right in the middle of the day. He said he had taken the rest of the day on call, which usually means they will only call him for emergancies. And that he wanted to spend the rest of the day with me. He wanted to talk about everything. He all of a sudden wanted to know every little detail about what was going to happen. So I gave him the breakdown like the doctor told it to me. I showed him the pics from the pelvic floor site. I thought he was going to throw up, but he changed and became the sympethetic person I had hoped he would be from the start. We had the what if talk. You know about all the possible complications and ways this could go wrong and my wishes. We went to lunch together and we picked dd up from school early and we all came home and spent the rest of the day just playing and having fun together. I have to say that took a great deal off of my mind. And I felt so wonderful that night. I slept good for the first time in weeks. He was a little late getting home last night b/c he had to go to his dads but he came home and cooked supper and cleaned the kitchen. Lets see if this lasts. I knew he had it in him because he has always been so great during my other surgeries. I guess this one is such a big deal that it just scared him a little to talk about it. But we did and we have gotten along alot better since. But I do want to thank everyone here for their support as well. Even though he has turned around I am sure I will still need the support of women who know exactly what I am going thru.

I'm sure you couldn't be happier! I am glad that your DH took the time to listen to you and then show you that things are going to be ok when you are in recovery. Doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen are a big deal in my house. (DH and DS don't seem to mind a mess, it drives me crazy). Count your blessings he is so loving and supportive.

I have been thinking of the Big talk myself . But that makes all this seem so final. My husband still doesnt quite understand. but I have 10 days to bring him around. I have so many thing I want to get done before surgery. And could really need some help.

How did he react when he found out about the surgery...? My hubby & I have discussed everything he wants to talk about at the moment.. but I want to just curl up & hide under the covers..I don't think that he is taking my fears as seriously as I want them to be acknowledged.. I just want to scream, My emotions are going crazy now and I need him more than ever..When do they get it? and start being supportive?

Men are weird. Period. So many, but not all, think this surgery will affect them in some stupid way. Usual sexually. I had "the talk" with the love of my life, and told him, if he wants to have kids, now is the time to leave. He suddenly realized what was happening and has been more loving and supportive than I could have imagined.

Talk to him and make him aware!

All my best!

Hi! Post-op gal here.

I'm starting to think that insurance should cover a few sessions of marriage counselling along with the surgery. So many of us end up hurt, angry and feeling alone. And I think a lot of men feel really helpless. It's not that they don't care. This is a major deal! It's scary! They shut down without knowing it.

My advice to you Ladies in Waiting is to NOT wait for him to come to you. I know it's a drag that we are the ones going through the surgery and we also have to be the ones to facilitate the "Big Talk"....it's not fair. But I think you need to ask them how they are feeling about the surgery and if there is anything that is worrying them. I also printed out the FAQ questions for friends, family and husbands from this website and gave it to my husband. It helped us talk about it more.

Hang in there, Ladies. Best wishes for your surgeries and your relationships!



Margot