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Unsupportive mother Unsupportive mother

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Unread 04-15-2004, 11:18 PM
Unsupportive mother

I am new to this forum and am sure glad I found it!! The support I have gained is so valuable. Only 10 days to go and I am looking forward to the prospect of finally being pain free (eventually).
I have suffered from migraines, non-stop cramps, and very heavy bleeding for 2 years now. My husband is very supportive with my decision for surgery. However my concern is that my mother is not at all supportive.

She says I am too young (40) to have such severe problems and in her opinion, since she didn't have any problems, I shouldn't have any, therefore surgery is unnecessary and a very extreme solution.

All she points out is negative-- I will need hormones, (I hope not, we are leaving ovaries) and that I will gain weight (110lbs now). Etc.. Etc...

When I told her my biggest concern was making sure my house was clean before surgery, her comment was " Well make sure you vacuum, because nobody else will want to do that".

Has anyone else had an important family member not be very supportive? How have you handled this?

I am very lucky that my husband is so wonderful!

I want to thank all of the wonderful women on this board for all of the support they offer. It means a lot to be able to come here and read the posts and realize that we are not alone in what we are going through.
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Unread 04-15-2004, 11:22 PM
Unsupportive mother

I'm 40, too, and I think my family (aunt and grandmother and assorted cousins; my mother died when I was 14) were a bit dubious about the whole hysterectomy thing--that it was a bit extreme.

However, once my doctor got through talking to them after the surgery, telling them what all he'd found and how miserable I must have been, they changed considerably.

She'll come around, hopefully--if not, there's nothing you can do. You and your doctor know what's best and you may be *amazed* at how much better you'll feel. She'll certainly be able to see the difference. Until then, if you can blow her off, do so and cling to your wonderful DH.
Unread 04-16-2004, 05:39 AM
Unsupportive mother

Sister, good luck for up coming opxxxx

I too have a wonderfully supportive hubby, altho he is aprehensive about the finality of the op, hes respecting my descion. Ive found that not many are supportive to me at the mo, with the exception of my aunt, who also has a hyst at a young age ( she was 22, i am now 25) and my best mate who has held my hand, dried my tears, and even cleaned the floor when ive flooded! My mother has had similar problems to mine in the past, and has now decided to tell people that she too needs TAH, lol, no support there, just a hypercondriact!

All I can say, is concentrate on yourself, you know whats right for you and your body, and what your limits are. Doint let anyone talk you out of having the op, but then again, dont feel pushed into it either. Take things slowely, ask for councilling, a second opinion, ask for a postponement on surgery, do whatever feels right for you! and bugger everyone else! LOL
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Unread 04-16-2004, 06:09 AM
Unsupportive mother

I'm in the same boat as you, supportive hubby, and a mother who is being a real pain in the you know what. When I told my mom of my decision, she about freaked, saying I was too you, I should reconsider, and blah, blah blah.

I finally told her of the promise I made to my g-pa many yrs ago, and the exact same promise I made to him while he was dieing from cancer. I promised that I would take care of myself, and be here to reaise my daughter. That if things got to the point I could not deal with it any more, that I would have the surgery and be doen.

Well that time has come, I made my decision, and I want to live.
I want a pain free life. Actually, I want my life back.

Unread 04-16-2004, 06:17 AM
Unsupportive mother

um well to put a bit of a diffrent look on it......my mom died 7 yrs ago *looks at calender* wow that long ago.......and .well i would love to have her with me now...i have 3 days to go....and i need a hug from my mom.........so i guess what i am trying to say is..... sometimes there are no more hugs so try to enjoy the ones that you get
Unread 04-16-2004, 07:02 AM
Bless your heart

My mother or stepmother never had a cramp in their life and they still have all of their original Parts..lol. I, on the other hand, had periods from hell since age 13. I had endo and scar tissue-miscarriage, infertility, and so on. I was 36 when I had hyst and I had some of the problems that you face with your mother. First of all let her comments roll right on off. Your hystersisters are probably the best to understand than anyone else. Come here when you need support other than hubby. Make hubby vacuum. He WILL do it. He will see how much you need him and he will help you. Do you have friends at church? Sometimes when people know ahead of time they will plan to make meals and carry over (I am in the South, can you tell?) Let people know you are having surgery ahead of time. Don't worry about the floor. You need to concentrate on your needs and it is perfectly okay to be good to yourself right now. My hubby was all I had and we made it. Hubby learned to open cans and make Hamburger helper. I hope this helps. I am sending a cyber-hug to you. Let me know how you are. You are in my prayers. I am Post total hyst 2 years. We are now going to adopt the 3 children we have had in our care as foster children. They are 2,3, and 4. God blessed me with three beautiful children. So happy since hyst is behind me. I am free of pain.

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