Anyone else having a hysterectomy without having children?

For anyone feeling sad about not having kids, there is a great website for support called Childlessnotbychoice.com. There are a whole lot of women who feel the same way. Best of luck to you all and may you find peace with your situation.

I put off treating fibroids for years, not sure if any of those problems would even allow me to have children. I never found the right time or the right relationship to find out. I always intended to have kids. It just didn't work out that way. I tried to let all those feelings go about the time I reached 45. But now even at 53 there's a certain finality to all of that. And to be honest I went through menopause earlier this year anyway. So that's been a double seal on that notion. There's just something about thinking of all those hundreds of periods over the years that never produced anything that may always seem like unfinished business to me somehow. I've learned to use any maternal urgings that crop up in a lot of other ways.

And there was never any debate about having an abdominal hyst. The vertical incision extends above my belly button because the fibroids were so big. I'm happy they've been evicted.

Best Wishes!!

I'm 49 and having a LSH on Jan 9th. Married 29 years, but we never did want kids. So I'm not mourning that aspect of the hysto (though my sympathies to Sisters who do) myself. But yes, it is still weird to have my uterus removed; perhaps in my case only because after 36 years of menstruating, I can't help but associating that with being female. But female is a gender only; our womanliness and femininity are more than our bodies alone.

As someone said above, we are *all* more than the sum of our parts! This is what's helping me adjust to the idea. -- but I will admit I'm glad to be keeping one ovary and the cervix. Not, I think, that I'll feel less "womanly" without them, but I prefer to keep body parts that aren't broken. And I'd really prefer a natural menopause, and I'm lucky to have that option.

Have you considered/discussed LSH with your MD? My understanding is that this is a good option for a childless woman because her uterus is relatively small... your MD knows best, of course.

I'm 39 and had my surgery Nov 20. I never wanted kids, and I had a tubal ligation 5 1/2 years ago. Still, when my TAH was scheduled, I felt a sense of loss for a couple of days. This confused me, because I was still certain that I didn't want kids, but the finality of it all really hit me. A good friend told me "It's normal to feel this way. All your life you've chosen not to have kids, and even though you still don't want them, that choice is now being taken away from you, and you feel a loss of control". That really helped me feel better and helped me move past that brief "Oh wow, this is really it!" moment.

My doctor scheduled me for a TAH for the same reason others mentioned here; since I hadn't had kids, she just didn't have room to do it any other way. When I was in surgery, she found that my cervix was crooked and under my bladder, so she ended up only taking my uterus.

Last night at the company Christmas party this adorable baby of one of my male coworkers just lunged for me. I was making her laugh and she was just a delight. I mean, this has to be the best baby EVER. It was late and she was being passed from stranger to stranger and just taking it all in happily. I really enjoyed her. And, of course, I thought about the fact that soon there was NO possibility to have one of my own. BUT I also thought, honestly, there wasn't anyway and look how much I got to enjoy someone elses baby for a night and they were happy to have a little time to mingle. Some of us just have a *different* mothering role in life. And that isn't such a bad thing.

I had a scarey experience in the summer - renal colic caused by my 19cm fibroids on my uterus resting on my urethra. I was told that a hysterectomy was necessary and as a consequence I had mine on 27 Nov 2006. I m 49 no kids, never really wanted any, career more important. I felt great before the summer but after the renal colic realised that the health of my kidneys was far more important than my uterus. I think we have put our health first.

To anyone going in for surgery, I have to say it's not that bad at all and that is from the biggest scaredy cat the world had every known.

Just prepare yourself mentally and physically, get those thigh and arm muscles built up you need them for getting in and out of bed, off the couch and loo. Make sure you eat well before your surgery and after eat lots of fibre after. Dont stare too much at your scar, pretty panties will hide it from view.

Well that's all from me, I'm a little sleepy now.

Wow, all you ladies inspire me and make me proud to be a woman! I was 38 at the time of my operation, never met the man of my dreams that I wanted to have children with. I had an abdominal hyst, due to large 18 week uterus, at the time I went to the doctor I was not working so he said it would be a good time to do it, and have time to heal. My Dr. explained there were really no good options for me, but was reluctant to operate since I had no children and said he'd be really mad if I met Mr. Right two weeks after the operation. Overall I made the best choice for myself and all of you have reminded me that I am a woman and will always be as feminine and sexy as I want to be! Thank You from the bottom of my heart!!
Beth

I´m 48, no children. I´m with kids quite a lot and could say I´ve helped raise many children. I like them as people but never wanted to have children of my own except during times of general madness (i.e. when I´ve been madly in love). When I now think of what life would be like with those partners and our children, I prefer my way of living now. I do love life! I feel free!

I can echo many of the concepts contained in all of your posts. I don't look at my hysterectomy as anything other than the removal of an organ that has caused me far to much trouble for far too long. In just about every arena of my life, I tend to over-engineer decisions and end up thinking about them way too long. Ususally, I only think I've decided what I want after the opportunity passes. And while I went down that road with the thoughts about having children, I always knew I didn't feel capable of handling it...first while single, later while married to a wonderful man who's first family was the best advertisement against being married with children. By the time I was single again, my body had decided for me that considering children was a waste of time. No harm, no foul, so to speak.

I do have this deep seated fear about being old and alone with no offspring to take care of me when I can no longer do it on my own. I currently take care of my 90 year old Mother who is in a nursing home. By "take care of" I mean emotionally, socially, doing laundry, keeping her supplies stocked and making sure that she gets to come home for supper on each and every holiday. She's got me....but all I have are my dogs. I don't think I can teach them to drive and shop and help me pay my bills, despite the fact that they give me more love and attention and happiness than I could ever want/get from a child. I do love them fiercely, and they are the best family I have ever known.

So what nags at me and keeps me up sometimes are the images of the women in the home with my Mother who are always in the hall...waiting for people that are never coming to visit. They look so hopeful when the door opens, and so crushed when they see it's not a visitor for them.They are always telling Mom how lucky she is to have a daughter like me. It makes me sad...and scares the hell out of me.

But there's not alot I can do about it now. The die is cast. And so we have to live with the facts. I will have to choose to rejoice that my body is not going to hemmorage constantly anymore. I should have done it sooner.....(famous last words..)

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Originally Posted by jlenkowec I'm 37 and I've never had children. Even though I've never had that maternal desire to have kids, it's still a strange thought. I feel like I'm okay with it, but surgery is so "final". I keep telling myself I really don't want a 10 year old when I'm 50. Anyone else in my position?? Also, why is it that I can't have a vaginal hysterectomy? My doctor said it is because I haven't had kids. Why is that?? Also, my uterus is 14 weeks in size due to fibroids. I am assuming that is part of the reason. Jennifer

Hi there,

First of just to let you know I sympathize with your situation. I too have never had a child (many miscarriages though, due to the fibroids). I have had a couple myomectomies an ablation treatment, and some laproscopy work done. After years and years of fighting thinking that all of these ops would change the outcome, I have given in to my inevitable fate of having a hysterectomy on the 16th of December. I am only 30yrs of age.

Due to my previous surgeries, they can only remove the uterus abdominally. I don’t think it has anything to do with not having kids, but more so because it is the only way they can really see what they are up against. It allows them a better view of the situation.

I, like you are not happy with the fact that they will cut me in the abdomen to be honest the whole concept of it, is freaking me out! But all I can do is roll with the punches, and be thankful that I have stumbled across this website and so many wonderful people who now exactly what we am going through.

Good luck to you, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.