I'm scared!

Tammy and Jo - Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. Jo - you are right. I have been walking around with this stuff hanging out for so long I really don't remember what it's like to be normal. I've had this for years and been to chicken to get it fixed - but now - with women like you to help me, I think I can do it. But please - keep talking to me. And Jo - I'll be thinking about you on the 6th. Please send me an message as soon as possible to let me know how you are. I'll do the same. My in-laws will think I'm crazy getting on the computer but I've got to talk to my friends. You all have been so helpful and I am so grateful. I get a little sad though knowing we'll never meet. This is truly a wonderful web site that lets women connect and help each other. Tammy - keep us posted on your recovery. I want to know everything you can tell me. Please - keep writing. I check my mail often to see if I have anything from my new friends.
Dee

Dee,

YEARS- Dee? I'd think I'd put up with that crap for about an hour and I'd have somebody cutting me open to fix it! I think it's safe to say you DON'T remember! Boy, are you in for a nice surprise!!

Have you considered giving that little panic voice a name? For instance, I have an eating disorder, and my eating disorder's voice is named Edna (Eating disorder nasty a**). Edna is a beotch. Edna is that little voice in my head that starts to tell me I'm too fat, or that I need to lose weight, or that I'm not good enough the way I am, or that I need food to comfort myself, etc. In other words, it's negative self talk. (No - I'm not psychotic and I don't have split personality! haha) I have learned to recognize Edna's ramblings almost the second it starts, and when it starts, I tell Edna to take the back seat! Sometimes I have to use four letter words to get her to back off, but it works.

So really it's an exercise in learning to manage self talk. Sometimes being able to separate yourself from the negative self talk by assigning it a name makes it easier to learn to control it.

My 10 year old dd has OCD, and we have given her "worry voice" the name Willy. Willy the Worrier. She is trying to learn to control Willy, so as not to obsess over things.

Remember...

A thought is just a thought.

Hang in there, honey, it's going to be GREAT!

Hugs,
Jo

Hey Jo - I keep trying to imagine what it's like to not have your insides hanging out. I just don't remember. It started almost 22 years ago and then at least 10 years ago it got bad. I don't know what I have but I suspect I do have some sort of panic/excessive worry disorder. I have begun to take Lexapro and I think it does help. Doctors have given me ativan for awhile but they don't like prescribing it - because it is addictive. But I don't care if it's addictive - I only take one pill a day at night to sleep. I can't understand the problem. My dr has given me 10 ativan now to help with the anxiety before surgery - 10! I need more than that! Do you know much about my kind of surgery - vaginal with hyst., prolapse repairs, bladder sling. My doctor is using procine graft (a pig tissue) for the repairs. He is convinced it's the way to go. I am relieved that I won't have an abd. cut. That really scared me. I am a Kindergarten teacher (I don't remember if I told you) and I really get a lot of pleasure from teaching. I just want to be in good shape by the end of July so I can get back to my life and classroom.. I teach mostly black, very poor kids and they give me so much love. It's a hard job but so very rewarding.
I'll enjoy a little rest and a lot of dumb tv but then I want my busy life back. I have 3 of my own kids ... my youngest is a girl 13, my middle, a girl 18, and my oldest, a boy 22. My prolaspe started at about 4 weeks after his birth. All of sudden on day I felt something down there. I rushed to the dr and he said uterine prolapse and each year it has gotten worse till now - with my insides rubbing on my upper thighs and having to urinate all the time. So keep talking to me.
Dee

Sent you a PM

Dee-

Bless your heart. Just sounds like you have endured this thing way, way too long. I am so happy that relief is on the way for you. Hang in there, cause you're almost there.

Sounds like we have some stuff in common. Although I'm not a teacher I am a teacher's aide in special ed. Our kids too, give so much love. They are great and really need the love, support, and care.

I also have 3 kids, sort of close to the ages of yours. My youngest is a boy 13, middle is a son 15 (who is dying to get his license by the way..ha) and my oldest is a girl 19. She just finished her freshman year in college.

At least we are lucky and can have the summer to recoup. We are fortunate in that.

How long is it til the surgery now? I know you are getting close. Is it 12 or 11 days? Something like that I thought.

I will be praying for you the day of. I'm sure it will go well and once you are all healed I bet you will feel like a brand new woman.

***Oh, one more thing in common. My dearest friend, who happens to be a teacher at my school, is named Dee!!! Twilight zone or what?? haha

Take care. Keep posting, it really helps to get the support.

lynn39

Lynn - My surgery is scheduled for June 7. I am starting my panic mode again but I'm trying to stay focused on the outcome. How are you? Please tell me more about your experience.
Dee