I need Support

I am very glad that this site is available, because otherwise I don't know where to turn.

I am very anxious right now. In fact, I have gone back to smoking after being smoke free for one year. I want to do something different from my normal routine.

I asked my husband if we could resume date night and he agreed. Well for the past three weeks when Wed. night comes there is usually dis-interest.

This Wed. I pleaded with him and finally he agreed but stated, "let's get this over with".

I was very hurt and rejected. Yet, on Saturday he stated that he wants to go out of town two days before my surgery to visit a relative.

I got very angry at him and accused him of being selfish, self centered and (one thing that I can't repeat publicly).

He apologized but has shut down on me and really is not talking.

Then I find out that my two teenage step sons are coming over 10 days before the surgery so I won't be able to get my house in order.

And then he went out to cut the yard which is totally overgrown and he accidently cut the wire to the air conditioner.

I have had three shots of Lupron and the heat flashes could light up a room. Now I don't have air.

I feel like a villian. But more important - I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I have been crying for the past five days and can't seem to feel better.

Also, I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about this.

I am anxious about the surgery....I have tried to do everything possible to plan and make things easier for him and my 16 year old son.

P.S. since I am out of commission he barely touches me!

I need support.... a hug..... something!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent......

I am sorry that you are having such a tough time.
I am sending big healing hugs your way

snickers

Hi Dolphin, So sorry to hear you are feeling sad here is a for you. Could it be the reason your husband is behaving this way is because he is really worried about your upcoming surgery and doesn't know how to handle his own feelings about what is going on with you? I hope things get better for you and you have a safe, uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery. Take care! Melanie

dolphin123 -

My dear I'm so sorry!!!! Big !!!! You have every RIGHT to cry, to be angry & to vent. I want you to know that you don't need to go through this alone. We are ALL here for you. Dolphin123 - if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone I'm here for you...just send me a message through this site. Sending lots of your way!!!!!!

Hi.

If you haven't done so, talk to your hubby about your feelings. I agree with what puggie says about your hubby not knowing what to do with his worries about your surgery.

Also, make the teenage boys help out with the cleaning and preparation of the home and offer them five bucks for doing it. Tell them how important it is that the house stay clean and in order and make sure to tell them why. Maybe your hubby and you can talk with them together?

Let everyone know how you are feeling. Sometimes, when we worry about things that are going on with our bodies, we get a little agitated and don't say everything we need to say. If you fully explained yourself and your feelings, maybe some compromises could be made?

I'm hoping this helps find a solution!!

I thought DH was the biggest horses patoot when I first told him. I would cry, and still do, at the drop of a hat. Turns out, he didn't know what to do.

His mother had a hyst and she went nuts. When he was growing up his father would tell him "you're mother went through her changes and didn't come out of it." All he could think of was that's what was going to happen with me.

We sat down and talked. I tried to keep him involved with the process. I showed him the For Men tab and he went through it. He now wants to know how to get the recovery room ready. Who knows, he might drive me crazy with all his attentiveness.

Is there something that the teenage boys can help with?

I don't think it helps the intimacy issue if too much pressure is placed on intimacy. If you have chosen Wednesday as "date night" try planning a dinner with no expectation of intimacy. You might be surprised with the results.

You need to focus on "me" time right now to aid in your recovery.

Have you considered couples counseling?

These are for you Dolphin And this is for your hubbie

I am so sorry that your "Dear Husband" is not being so "dear". Men........You can't live with 'em.......I forget how the rest of that goes, lol.

Is this normal behavior for your hubby? Is he usually much kinder and more sensitive? If so, then he probably is stressing about the up-coming surgery. Right now, you have some stress of your own to deal with. You sure could use a kinder, gentler DH.

As mentioned earlier, www.misterhystersisters.com is a wonderful site for the guys. I know my DH came away with a better understanding of what I was going through......both pre and post-op.

At any rate, it sounds like you two need to talk. To offer each other love, understanding and support.

You can come here and vent anytime. Best wishes to you!

Jennifer

Dear Dolphin,
It's so true what they say about women being so different from men. They just don't "get it." It's been 5 days since I've been home from the castle and honestly, he doesn't know what to do. I've always done everything for him and my sons and they just don't "see" that things need done and I feel like I'm _itching when I ask for anything. He just doesn't know any better. He likes to be left alone when he's not well, so that's basically what he's doing with me. You're not alone, sister! I've got a 16 yr old son at home too and I'm making him do things. Someday he'll be married and may have to take care of his wife. I wan't to be sure he can! As the other sisters suggested, keep the communication open with your family. Tell them how you feel. Good luck with everything. You know you have lots of support here.
Madonna

Dolphin 123,
I am praying for you and offer hugs, hugs, and hugs to inifinity and beyond!
love Barbie

Hi Everyone!

Today I feel better. I did not go to work. In fact, I went shopping! Oh well!

I talked to DH last night. Once again I got emotional and we both decided to put the past week behind us and move on.

Thank you all very much for your love and support. It it amazing what I feel coming through my puter!!!

I am going to have him look at Mister... I believe that it will help him. Also, someone reminded me of something.... his mother passed away a week after his 18th birthday. He is not sure exactly what happened...but it sounds as if it may have been related to the female organs (sorry I don't want to scare anyone)!

Anyway! I did not think that he may be afraid and this is the way he is dealing with it. Because sometimes he seems to act as if nothing is happening. Yes, he may be in denial. I will make an effort to not take his behavior personal. I have decided to live one day at a time. I am going to the movies, spend time with my children, get my hair done this weekend, go to lunch/dinner with my girlfriends, take bubble baths and be good to me.

I want to be as strong as I can be, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Thank you so much!

Wow! It's great to have so many sisters!!!!!!!!!