Need to acknowledge my feelings...

Hi Everyone,

I'm FreeDiva. My surgery is in 5 days and I am doing okay but sometimes the things I read cause me to go, "Oh-Oh" . Anyway, I am a single-again person with one grown daughter who has 2 children. I have 1 sister and though we were both adopted, we still love each other. After the birth of my daughter I became infertile, and my husband and I wanted more children desperately. He finally left us in disappointment. When I read about other ladies with dear husbands, parents and all, it makes me long for someone close to me who would be glad to do all of the things some of the sisters have shared.

I belong to a loving church and the members will be there as they are able but they have their own families to tend to to. My adopted parents have been deceased for half of my life and I am in my 40's. I guess I am just feeling bluesy today for some reason. The time is getting closer, I have a ton of things to get done, I am concerned about my weight (I am 280lbs.), concerned about Dr. finding cancer, just plain old concerned. I am at work now when I should be home, but when you need someone to talk to, and the people in your immediate circle, while they love you and would give you the world, many of them do not understand going through this process. My daughter is young and it has clicked with her but it hasn't. I even asked her to come to this site to read some so she could familairize herself with some things I may experience. She hasn't really done that yet. Then today, I hear of someone passing away from breast cancer, ovarian cancer that spread to liver. At that news I froze partly...

I feel ashamed of these feelings because I know that I have a Redeemer who loves me and will care for me no matter what. So perhaps this in part is a confession of sorts. I am ready to leave my office for home and will put on my New Testament on CD and listen to it to strengthen me. Thank you all for being here and for listening. It helps sooo much...

Free

Hey Freediva,

My heart goes out to you and your longing for a family that is close and understands. Every thing you said struck a note with me. I too know that our redeemer is in control of all of this. My devotion today was on worry and how we aren't supposed to do it, it robs us of our strength and what ever happens is in God's plan. I think you have just landed in an new, big, adoptive family of sisters who love you and want the best for you.

I hear the fear in your message about cancer and your size. I'm praying for all of us that we find peace and strength to get through this. Other voices here have said that they have made it through the cancer and size issues, and I feel that we will too.

Take care of yourself, you are going to be fine, I have faith!

peace

Hi Free, I hear you. It is difficult to be alone in this. You do have to believe that even though not everyone can be with you physically that
they will all be with in spirit. Remember that you are doing this to better your life and for your daughter. It sounds like you do have many caring and loving people around you; sometimes we just have to look at life from the other side to appreciate what we have. I wish you the all the best.

I'm not only a hyster sister. I'm a sister in Christ. While I never tell anyone, "I know how you feel," I CAN understand your fear and concern. You are in my prayers.

Thank you for your support.