TLH: My update still petrified

Well its been about 3 weeks since I have known i must have this done. I do not know the abbreviations still.
I am having Total Hysterectomy via Laproscopic and vaginal.
with option to abdominal if necessary. Plust cytoscopy, as i have had some problems with cough / sneeze leakage. I should never have said anything.
I am still petrified but on xanax uppped it this week to 2 pills a day. using my trazadone been on for 10 yrs to sleep. and
just started on zoloft as per reg doctor since im so freaked out. plus daughter and husband begged me to just take it.
I tell them over an over .. im depressed and freaked cuz i dont want to die. once i get thru this i wont need this extra crap. /drugs.
It took me 2 weeks to call the hospital and my dr office after the initial visit. they scared me right out of my pants with the negatives. WHY do they do that? cant they just say their are risks but only 1 % roughly ever go thru those complications.
NO they got to use the D word and bla bla bla ( makes me mad sorry)
So i finally call (i was busily stressed for the 2 weeks also with my daughter giving birth to her first child my first grandbaby) so been tryin to keep a brave face for her. which is so so hard.
IM 55, have hyperplasia complex focal atypia still not clear sure what that even means. other then stage before you get cancer.
but then they tell me 40% chance there is cancer already in that stage .. HUH? why tell me there was no cancer then when they did the D&C on feb 19th.
My doctor that is doing surgery is one of the best in country so im told he is written papers and in fact is a teaching dr. has even been on CNN for his care about his patients.
So i guess im in the best hands / I met him and he did make me laugh but it was about weight jokes/ since he is a bit overweight himself.
Im way over wt. and thankfully i have had no cardiology prob and non smoker and have kept fairly good health inspite of my morbid obesity as they call it ( god i hate that term)
My reg dr. looked over my recent blood work and said youll do fine your young and good health. HUH? im young? 55 is Younger then 60 ya but not young.
I am almost making my self chuckle here which is not me right now. probably loosing my marbles.
So after getting thru 2 weeks finally call talk to a phys. assist. about my concerns .. only to not really know more then i did other then my dr is one of the best in the country that youll do fine specially since you havent had problems with your health. Also asked about any other major surgery i said yes in 1990 3 major operations on ankle break. how did i do there she says.. I said fine .. no problems what soever .. she reassured me then again youll do fine..
Friends family say Youll be fine.. just get it done dont put it off.
So here i am waiting now March 30th approaching and im starting tof eel that scare ache in my stomach.
I told the PA that cant i have abdominal she said you would want this better its much better. and youll be walking the next day. IM LIKE ill do what you all want of coruse but Im not leaving the hospital too early. If i have to ill pay for an extra day jsut to feel like im safe .. nothing worse then going home perhaps and flipping out cuz somthing doesnt seem right. then having to go to some LAME emergency room ( and trust me i know my local emergency rooms)

So I know there are alot of us out there that are feeling the stress / Not many seem to be my age or my weight.
I wish i was younger so i would feel healthier.

When do they usually tel you what they did to you the next day ? I particularly dont want to be told all that happened til im coherent.
i have one other major worry / is sensitive stomach to pain meds and can not take any codiene or Ibruprofen. Ulcers will happen. I possibly can try hydrocodone but Im praying not .. do you think they will give me something else ? to last a couple days?
I plan to take the stuff that this site gave me in tips to the hospital.. like lots of gas x ducolax or whatever else i need.

some days i dont feel like i will visit here til after this is over but if i make it thru .. I will definitely give my story.. I owe it to all to share.

Thanks for listening..
Sad Scared Lady

Well do express your pain med issues and when you want to be told things to your Dr. Its hard to wait but don't get ahead of yourself with diagnosis until you find out what the report actually shows. Try to stay busy getting ready, work, etc, to distract yourself. Chances are things will go OK, like they are telling you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Hi there. I am 12 days post-op and doing well. I totally understand your concerns, I went in not knowing if I had cancer or not. Sounds like you have an excellent doctor, so you need to try to put the concerns about the surgery to rest. If he is not concerned about surgery and your weight, then you shouldn't be (I know, much easier said than done)... I went to a medical supply house to see all the things they had available for post op assistance. You might want to take a look at the bar you slip under your mattress and it gives you that to hold on to as you sit up. Also, the toilet seat cushion that makes the seat easier to get on and off of. Try to walk every day and use light free weights. You have a couple of weeks to gain muscle tone and that will help with mobility after surgery. Take care and know that we are here supporting you!!

Try not to be scared. I know it's hard to wait for the surgery, but the waiting is the worst part. I'm 58 and had a TLH for postmenopausal bleeding and I'm doing just fine! You will too!! And I'm overweight ~~ I don't have 6 pack abs, I have a keg!!! LOL!!

One thing that helped calm me down before my surgery was Successful Surgery by Belleruth Naperstek. It is guided imagery, affirmations, and relaxing music for surgery and healing. I listened to it on an mp3 player every night at bedtime and I think it helped keep me relaxed, calm, and positive. If you can't find it online doing a google search, send me a PM and I'll send you the website (I don't think I'm allowed to put websites here)

Good luck to you. If I can do this, so can YOU!! Take care!