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Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
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01-12-2010, 04:25 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 17
Hysterectomy: February 24th, 2010
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
Hi,
I just turned 43 years old last month and am scheduled for a hysterectomy on Feb 24th. I started my last period this morning. I didn't expect to feel so devastated. I can't imagine that I'll miss having periods, so I really don't understand why I'm having such an emotional response to this. I feel so sad, like I'm grieving.
I have three amazing children and feel that I should be grateful and not feel so badly about this. I delivered a stillborn daughter five years ago and was advised not to have anymore children after her. So, it's not like I could have had more children either way.
Can anyone explain why I'm feeling so strongly? Also, I would really appreciate any suggestions you may have on how to support myself through these feelings.
Thank you,
Kristin
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01-12-2010, 05:06 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 37
Hysterectomy: December 18th, 2009
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
I started my last period a week before my hysterectomy and I was so relieved to know it was the last one I actually bought a cake to celebrate it. My periods were so painful and heavy that I couldn't even function, so I knew it wasn't something I was going to miss...but I did feel weepy over losing my uterus.
I think it just has to do with the finality of it all that makes it so difficult for some of us. Even if we aren't planning to have any more children or we have been advised against it, well, there is still that "capability" as long as we have our reproductive organs and are having a period. Not having a period is a reminder that the capability is no longer there.
It is good to grieve, it shows that you are working through your feelings. I don't know of any way to make things easier, but I did learn during my psychology class it is good to talk through things and by coming on here that is what you are doing. Be gentle with yourself.
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01-12-2010, 05:51 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 14
Hysterectomy: January 14th, 2010
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
Had my last period at the end of December and my surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. Was sooo happy to know that it was my last. I'm scared and nervous about the surgery, but know that i will be a lot better off with it. I won't be missing it. There are a few people on here if you look around that have that same feeling that you do. Good luck to you.
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01-12-2010, 06:09 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 5
Hysterectomy:
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
I'm in my early 50's and headed for a TAH in the next few weeks. I understand what you mean about being sad. Even though my last(I hope it was) period was it- and overall I'm thrilled that I will be a lot healthier after this surgery- this is a big and final chapter being closed. And whenever something is final- it does makes us stop and think. For me- I try real hard not to think too hard about it- but look at this as moving forward to a new chapter in my life, which I pray will be a lot more peaceful, as I pray for you too.
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01-12-2010, 06:49 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 101
Hysterectomy: January 25th, 2010
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
Kristin,
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!!! I am 33 and have not had a period for almost 9 years now (I had an abalation in 2001).
I have 3 wonderful, beautiful children who I feel incredibly fortunate to have. When I got pregnant with my oldest is when they found my first cervical cancer.... had I have not gotten pregnant who knows when I would have felt the need to go to the gyn.. They removed the affected area of my cervix while I was pregnant with my daughter and told me that I may not carry the pregnancy to term, but was fortunate enough to do so and deliever a healthy baby.
Long story short, I have had 4 more episodes of cervical cancer. After my middle child was born the dr. told me that there was little to no chance of me getting pregnant again, butttttt I did and carried to 38 weeks.
I elected to have the abalation in April 2001 at the suggestion of my ob/gyn, my oncologist wanted to do a TVH at that point, but my ob/gyn offered this procedure as an alternative so I tried it.
About 6 months ago I began to experience some bleeding and thought, oh well, guess my period is coming back because I knew that sometimes women did not completely loose their periods even though they had the abalation. I just figured that I had not had one for so long and now it was back.
I made an appt with my ob/gyn the Friday before my birthday in October thinking I was just going for my yearly and walked out with 2 exploratory surgeries scheduled and in tears. Neither surgery was successful because the dr. couldnt get the cath and camera past all of the scar tissue. The great news is Im not testing positive for any cancerous cells or abnormal cells, but I will be having a TAH on the 25th.
Even though I know that there is 99.99999999% chance that I could never carry another pregnancy, much less conceive, I have felt so sad and felt like the option has been taken from me. People tell me to just be thankful for the 3 that I do have, and it isnt that I am not thankful for them, because I am, they are the best thing I have ever done. And even knowing that 9 years ago the abalation pretty much sealed the deal so to speak, I still have such a feeling of finality.
I didn't mean to ramble, but I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone in feeling this way. It's hard to explain much less have someone else understand where you are coming from. As far as suggestions to get through, I think coming here is one of the smarter things I have done. There seems to be so much understanding and encouragement here. Sometimes I wonder what people did before the internet. I also journal, I have found that sometimes just writing about what I am feeling allows me to "get it out" and allows me to not feel as if I am dumping on anyone.
I wish you well and hope that your surgery provides you with a healthier you. Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldnt feel sad, its okay if you do.
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01-12-2010, 07:14 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 602
Hysterectomy: January 25th, 2010
Surgery Type: DvH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
I know how you feel. I feel the same way, which is why I am so nervous about how I will feel after. I thought if anyone ever told me I would have no more periods or have to use my pill anymore I would be so excited and not care. But on my way home from the Dr. I cried the whole way in the car and had no idea why. I think it's what giggles_1 said above. Even though I knew I wasn't haven't anymore children, when someone just told me they were taking it away, it must have hit me hard. Because even a "little accident" still would have been loved and been happy and when you don't even have a chance at that, even though you are not planning it or preparing for it, you just no there is never ever no chance of it, is just weird the way it hits you. That you can't even if you wanted to, I guess is what I am trying to say. I think that's why I was upset anyway. I thought it would just come naturally and then one day it's just gone and someone took it away. I never ever would have ever expected I would feel that way or cry or anything. But I did. Maybe it also just has something to do with me getting older as well and knowing with my age and already had my son it was the best choice. Between the other and getting older maybe it just all hit me in the chest unexpectedly and was a shock. But I know your feelings and not understanding why you have them. I don't either. I can only speculate why it might be. I wish you good luck and lots of prayers for a healthy future.
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01-12-2010, 07:34 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 32
Hysterectomy: December 9th, 2009
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
I understand how you feel - it's the feeling of something ending. I felt really sad on the day I found out that I was going to be scheduled for my hysterectomy, even though I've had all sorts of issues for the last 5 years and I should have just felt relieved. I had a tubal ligation so it wasn't the issue about not having children - It was more the idea that my child-bearing years have ended.
I don't know what to say to make you feel better, I'm 5 weeks post-op and still on an emotional roller coaster myself. But a friend of mine gave me some advice that I'll pass on to you - a hysterectomy may be the end of something, but it's also the beginning of something else. In my case, that's life without pain and worry and constant ultrasounds.
One piece of advice that I CAN give you - continue to visit this site - there are women here who know exactly how you're feeling and have been through it themselves. It's a great support network. Hang in there.
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01-12-2010, 07:58 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 123
Hysterectomy: January 11th, 2010
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
Kristin what you are feeling is completely natural. We are told to look forward to becoming a woman with that first period and it has a special girl club feel about it. I recall the very first time that I learned that women regulate to each other's periods if they live in close proximity, like clams. The moon and it's cycles are a part of who we are as women. You are lucky to have 3 children. I have never had any children of my own but have a supportive husband and was able to adopt a beautiful baby boy. The point is not why you shouldn't feel the way that you do, but that you feel it and that's okay. Grieve it if you feel it's a loss. There is no need for explanation. I had horrible, painful periods since the beginning so I felt relieved to have the surgery yesterday although I was afraid and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I am 45 years old and I want to feel well and in the end that is what you want. Cry and allow yourself to feel the pain of loss and then move on to a healthier you. God Bless.
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01-13-2010, 08:05 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 82
Hysterectomy: February 19th, 2010
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
I, too, have felt this way. I try to explain to my DH, but I don't think he understands what I mean. It's one thing to say I don't want any more children, and another to have someone TELL you you're not having any more. It's just so final. So I know where you are coming from, and I think it's totally natural to feel that way.
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01-13-2010, 08:45 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 44
Hysterectomy: February 2nd, 2010
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
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Re: Feeling Sad--Started Last Period Today
"I try to explain to my DH, but I don't think he understands what I mean. "
I tried to tell my DH today too! I told him that I saw this post. Then I stoped and said "I should call my BFF hu" My DH had a Vacectomy 10 years ago but the thought of loosing my ability is sad to me. I loved the idea of getting a cake of throwing a party! On with the new. Best to you!!!
Mishy
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