How & when to tell my 10 years old daughter

I don't have children of my own but I know they don't always know how to express themselves and say what is bothering them. Even adults can't do that all the time. They may be worrying about something we don't even think of.

My DH was being moody and depressed. I asked him about it and we ended up talking for quite some time. Even though I have had 5 surgeries since I have known him and never had a problem, he is afraid of me dying.

We both know rationally that it is unlikely, but fear is fear. After putting it out in the open he is much better about it.

Just give your daughter time and opportunity to express herself and her concerns.

Also, if you are not too modest, you might let her see your scars and lightly touch your belly. I was 6 when my mom had her hysterectomy. I knew that she had it but was surprised to see that she had been shaved. I still remember that.

I will have my 1 year anniversary on 2/12/10 and at the time my daughters were 4 and 7 and the ONLY thing they knew is that mommy was 'getting surgery to fix her belly'. Obviously neither of them are aware of periods, etc. and nor do they need to be at this moment. I'm very open about certain things, but discussing a hysterectomy with them at that age was not an option. They were awesome after surgery, making sure they let me reset....keeping the little stuff picked up around the house....'pretend cooking' for me They remained happy and YOUNG during the entire process. I didn't want to burden their young school-aged minds with adult issues.

It's all in the past now anyway and everything is back to normal! We were practicing hand-stands last night!!!

PS. I was back home the day after surgery anyway and there was no time for visiting in the hospital. I came home with a foley too that I had to deal with for 4 days and I hid it so they never saw it.

My eleven year old daughter has been through a lot and there for everything while I have been ill. With every diagnosis. She was more scared about this surgery last week though. She was there every moment they allowed visitors. Last year she was ten when I had my my gallbladder out. It was outpatient. This time I had to stay in the hospital. I could tell it was a lot more difficult for her. Getting up early with her dad to come see me and going to bed late after getting home was hard enough on her. She also is very close and bonded with me. so I think it scared her. Before when the subject was even approached that my TAH was a possibility I discussed it in front of her but have always kept my really secret fears to myself (like not waking up from surgery) I prepared a letter for her in case I did not and gave it to hubby. As the date was getting scheduled I sat with her on different occasions and asked her if she was afraid and explained I had to have the surgery. I let her sit in with some of the visits with my doctor/surgeon. We actually told the hospital she was 12 so that she could visit and be with me and hubby this time. I made sure the hospital had wifi for her to use her netbook so she could remain occupied instead of worrying and waiting during surgery.

A lot of parents disagree with me but i do not hide things from her most times and most esp medical things. She tells me when there are things she doesn't want to know. I always look at it as partial educational and partial as a parent she needs to know that mom is going to be OK. By answering her concerns I helped her to know I would be OK. She also started her first period on her last birthday over the summer (earlier than I ever did) and I wanted her to know how her body works.

I am not sure if any of this helps you with your daughter but it is what happened with us. My daughter and I have a very different relationship. she and I are very close and always have been. She too is pretty different than most girls her age. Bottom line though- I always make it a point to tell her mom will be OK and because we believe in God I remind her that if she is ever afraid she can talk to Him.

I am more with Tinkbelle. My 9 year old and I are very close. We have always shared things factually and find that for her personality, being included and knowing the basics helps her. She was 5 when I had her brother so was quite involved in that whole thing. She went with us to the Mayo Clinic when I had my fibroid "zappes" with MRI guided ultrasound. She knows I have pain and bleeding. I only share specific details as she asks. My husband spent 17 days in the hospital this past summer and I shared basics and let her ask more.

Since you have waited this long, why don't you tell her after the birthday party. Take her out for a girls time out. Tell her basics and then include her on it - have her go shopping with you for cute pajamas. Have her dad take her shopping to get you a get well gift. Tell her you will need her help in the weeks following - my daughter is VERY caring and actually excited for my surgery so she can be my nurse when I come home! She thrives on things like that!

I think with kids we need to be honest - tell the minimum and let them ask more. You also know her, her personality, her development level and how much she can handle!

My son was 9 and VERY worried. I told him I was having tummy surgery. I didn't get into more details because I didn't want him to obsess. Each kid is different.

I, personally, have always been very honest with my kids about everything. My feeling is "if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to know". I encourage their curiosity, and instead of feeling awkward about having "talks" with them, I love that they wonder about the world outside themselves. My parents were the same way with me.

I have 3 boys ages 4, 5 and 11. My 11 year old knows about everything (sex, periods, babies, puberty, etc...). His questions started simply, and as time went on, he just kept asking different questions. My younger 2 know the basics, but not details, because they have never really asked too much. Because I've always had the "honesty is best" approach in my family, my kids already know I'm having surgery (April 27, 2010). They also know WHY I'm having surgery.

So, really, it all depends on how much your DD already knows about it all, and her emotional state. I call all 3 of my boys "little SPOCKS" because they are not emotional about most things and enjoy logic much more than emotional outbursts. The straight takl has worked well in my house, but it may not be for everyone.