Am I being too sensitive?

I'm 5 weeks post-op and went out for the first time this week-end. I went to a party and was talking to a girl that I know, and she said to me "so, you can't have anymore kids." I was floored. I'm 29 years old and am really struggling with that aspect of my hysterectomy. So i'm standing there trying to think how to respond.(She's also obviously pregnant rubbing her belly while she says this to me)so i said "thanks for pointing that out" she then says "Oh, i didn't realize thet you wanted more kids" so i told her that I had wanted more childen and that I was having a really hard time accepting that i would never have anymore. I was not really snotty but was quite upset. I soon left and went home. The next day I have people calling me to tell me that she is very upset with me, and won't be coming over to our house anymore. I know that I should not care but I do. Botha about her comment and the fact she is telling people that I hurt her feelings. If anyone should be angry it should be me. Am I totally off base with this? Mabye I am being too sensitive, but I am sitting here driving myself nuts over it. Anyway I just needed to vent.

I'm sure this hit a nerve with you being that you are so fresh post-op and still dealing with the loss of your childbearing anatomy. She probably didn't realize that, and more than likely wasn't trying to be hurtful. Maybe she was insensitive, but what I have learned is that I need to just let comments roll off my back if it was not meant to be hurtful. What matters is people's hearts. If she was meaning to be ugly, then I would be offended, otherwise I would just let it go. I'm not sure how she perceived your comment as being hurtful, you were just sharing your feelings with her. And if she wants to be a drama queen about it, I would ignore her. Its not worth all the drama. Pull out your tiara girl, you are the princess right now

I don't think you are being overly sensitive, I think she was being insensitive and crass.

Hi Jamie,

No way. In my opinion, you didn't overreact. Your acquaintance is pregnant and you recently had a hyst and are still dealing with not being able to have more children and SHE is upset?? I think ~she~ was being very insensitive to your feelings to bring up the topic of conversation that she did.

A hyst is a physical AND emotional experience. Just give yourself time to heal with both. The real world beyond Hyster Sisters can be a little disheartening...because of what people can say sometimes. And you would think a woman you know would be more understanding. If the pie-hole is moving!!!!

Sending best wishes~

Mary

People can be very dumb with what they say. I think it is just that they do not think first. I remember when I was having kids people would just come out and ask if it was by planned or not. It wasn't any of their business. Just remember.....dumb people say dumb stuff. You are fine feeling they way you do. If she won't come to your home then maybe it is for the best all around.

I agree, if she is saying that she will not come to your house anymore, then you are lucky and off the hook. Her comment to you was insensitive, and her telling other people about it is just tacky. Just take a deep breath and try to forget about her.

In my humble opinion, you were more polite than I might have been in those circumstances. Sometimes the mouth opens, before the brain is in gear. Seems to me a more appropriate comment after your surgery would be, 'how are you feeling?'... 'how's your recovery going?' ... NOT the statement that was offered. Do I think you're too sensitive? Absolutely not! I'm 53 and the subject of never having had children is something I still find difficult to talk about, even now.

You've just had a major surgery and entered a new stage in life. I'd say that you were not being overly sensitive and she should have thought before speaking. Unfortunately we're all human and will say things from time to time. I wouldn't worry about her having hurt feelings when you didn't do anything wrong and it's childish for her to hold a grudge especially over something like spoken words that don't amount to anything in the longrun.

edit:
I really have no room to call someone else childish because I wasn't there to hear. Sorry if this sounds harsh or offensive 'cause I didn't mean it to.


Becky

Here's what I think: I think both of you were caught off guard just a little.

Please try to cut your and your friend some slack. Remember that pregnant women are just as hormonal as post-hysterectomy women are. I'm not saying that this excuses her -- what I'm saying is that you both probably didn't know quite what to say at that exact moment.

Your situation isn't any less significant than hers -- it's just different. I've been pregnant (as many of us sisters have been) and I am here to tell you that hormones can lead to incredibly strange comments - no matter if the speaker is experiencing PMS, pregnancy, or surgical menopause.

to you. And to her. She's probably feeling just as bad as you are. If she's not -- then so be it. The only person you can deal with is you. So please try to come to a place where you realize that you were both dealing with your feelings at that moment -- nothing more.

Jamie,
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your restraint. Now I also happen to think that all the Sisters are 100% correct. Even if you never wanted any other children by choice, that choice was taken away from you by circumstances that were 100% out of your control, and unfortunately, there are MANY MANY people who engage mouth before brain. You have NOTHING to worry about. If however, you feel that this lady is worth keeping as a friend, then call her and explain your feelings. I do not believe you were too sensitive, but she was insenitive. I also agree that her comment was not said to hurt you. Once again, congrats on your 5 week milestone!