Okay, how much help do I really need?

MIL said yesterday that I'm pretty much on my own after surgery. She REALLY means it. She'll bring me food once a day and that's it. This lovely lady lives across the driveway from me, and promised her son she would help me. She told me in private this morning that I'm on my own... after all, she was baling hay two days after giving birth to my husband.

Realistically, what do I really need help with the first week after surgery? I know what the doctor says, but what is REAL life post-op like? Help! Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow!

Thanks,
Julia

Hello Julia

I don't what which hyst you're having but I had a TAH then spent 6 days in hospital. I live alone so when I came home my mum came to stay so she cooked meals & got drinks for me, did a little shopping, washing, ironing & cleaning & changed the bedlinen. After the first week & a half, I was able to prepare a meal myself & load the washer and I used the internet to get food shopping delivered. Even now I'm only doing a little cleaning & tidying and I just iron clothes when I want to wear them (but then I never did enjoy ironing!). Is your DH going to be around to help you? If so you may not need your MIL's help at all although you might have to turn a blind eye if he doesn't quite do things to your standards or doesn't see the dust, etc!! Maybe you could ask friends & neighbours to help you out too? I've had more support than I ever expected & it's made me really appreciate people more so it has been quite a learning experience. Hope your surgery goes well tomorrow & don't forget to come back & tell us how you are getting on - or to let off some steam if you don't get the help that you need! Good luck

Helen

I am really happy you asked this question! I to do not know what to expect help wise, my husband has been on lay off and the week of my surgery (June 12) he is to report back to work! I am worried about the driving, for I am a full time student and can not miss much class, but I have talked to instructors and they are pretty flexable under the circumstances.
I wish you well, and hope you find someone to help you out a bit!

I had LAVH and bladder sling. I needed serious help getting back to the doc for post op visits - mostly urologist stuff though. DH did cooking and basic house work. I didnt need help during the day - but I had friends "on call" if I did. I mostly slept for the first week - until DH came home in the evening. I was able to get up and down the stairs no problem. I couldnt lift anything really the first week - and grocery visits were OUT (pushing the cart really hurt - tried, didnt work). If you have everything you need at home - and can do nothing but eat, watch some TV, post/read hystersisters and sleep - you will be fine. Try to line up some friends if you can for on call emergencies.
Hugs!
Linda

I was told by the physio in hospital that I was only allowed to make a drink for myself if I had to (ie no one around during the day) for the first couple of weeks then do things very slowly. I think you need some help. I had LAVH so things weren't painful for me right from the start just the need to rest and take it easy.

Let me add this - the first few days are a blur... taking the pain meds can be hard w/o some help. If you dont have help - write down *everything* - so you dont OD or wait too long to take them. DH would call at the 4 hour mark to make sure I took the meds. DH also packed several things in a cooler for me to have next to the bed. I really dont think I left the bedroom/bathroom for the first week - except to go to post op visits. Try to setup everything you need within arms reach - and rest rest rest. Even if you *think* you are ok, rest some more!!! You can get along without someone "in the house" helping - it just takes more planning.
Good Luck!!!

Hi moving forward, My dh stayed home with me the first 5 days. He can fix almost anything, but poor guy, try as he might he just did not know how to nurture very well. He went out and bought me a whole bunch of frozen food. You gotta laugh at this point.

Ok, practical advice. Bending over is going to hurt, so you want everything at a level at which you don't have to bend over much-counter level is good.

Ask your dh to put any drinks or food you need to get out of the refrigerator in a manageable container that is light. I made the mistake of bending over and getting a container of prune juice out of the fridge-ow, that hurt!!

Keep the phone with you. I have a cordless phone and just kept it with me, just in case. Also, I found it a major pain to have to get out of the bed to answer the phone.

Test out chairs now. I had no idea how hard it was to get out of a nice, comfy armchair until I sat in one after my hyst and had to call for help to get out of it. You want a chair that's comfortable, but doesn't require a lot of stomach muscles to get yourself out of.

They will probably tell you this in the hospital, but the best way to get out of bed is to roll on your side, swing your legs over, and push yourself up with your arms-limiting the strain on your abs.

Lastly, my best advice is just don't let negative comments or people get to you. My recovery nurse was awful, and my brother said some things that set me off even thought he was trying to be helpful. But, the two other nurses and dr were wonderful, and my family was supportive. From your post, your mil seems like someone who could push your buttons. Just let her be who she is and use all your energy to focus on healing. Best of luck with your surgery and many hugs!!

Hi, Julia!

Oh, please! I've heard some women your MIL's age brag about what they did after giving birth, and I've had others that have enlightened me as to the TRUTH. Please try not to let her attitude interfere with your recovery.

I had an LAVH so I can't help you as far as what to expect post-op at home. I was on my own and had plenty of frozen dinners in the freezer. I kept my beverages on the countertop to limit lifting. I've read here that some have kept a chair beside the bed in order to help them get up.

If you have people ask if there's anything they can do for you, just be honest with them. Say yes. They can call and check on you periodically. They can bring meals. They can help with the housekeeping. If they don't like your answer, then they shouldn't ask the question.

Good luck to you!

Carol

Pls don't even think about driving or lifting anything. Anything heavier than a spoon. You will not be able to get in and out of bed easily. You will need help around the clock for the first 2 wks or 3 wks and pls don't even think about driving for 3 wks and if you move around too soon, your muscles in your stomach will not heal correctly and you will have a huge stomach from then on out.

Gosh, this is REALLY good info! I really wanted to hear the truth about the first week or two, and I now feel like I have a better, more realistic idea of what to expect.

I told dh about his mother and he doesn't believe me. He did, however, offer to stay at home from work the first couple days after I'm out of the hospital (I think he might secretly believe that his mother really is like this). Having him around, even though his work will be furious, would be such a relief. Even if he doesn't always do things "right" he can definitely be counted on if I make it very clear to him what I need.

I'm so glad to have all this good advice. You know how people "child-proof" their houses? I've been "hyster-proofing" my house the last couple days! It helps distract me from my trip to the castle tomorrow.

Thanks, Sisters!!! It's a blessing to have all this info and support.

Huge hugs!
Julia