I am soooo disappointed! Need to vent

I am so disappointed and hurt. Let me start out by saying that I know he didn't mean to hurt me and I know it's just my nerves but that still don't help my feelings any. I have always had a higher sex drive than my DH and we've learned to deal with it but after all I've been thru I thought he would be a little more considerate.
I had a dr appt for 6 wk post op Fri which was 1 1/2 hrs away so we decided to get a room for the night to celebrate. We weren't in the room 30 min after I got the OK before my DH was ready to try things out. I had planned on waiting until we got back from eating but he didn't want to wait which was OK. It went OK and he said he enjoyed it. I was still a little tender and sore but no big pains. We both woke up again @ about 4:30AM and we did it again. When we got home we made love again Sat. night. I was a little sore Sun. because of that and we had done alot of walking Sat which still bothers me some so we didn't try anything. I went back to work at my 2nd job Mon night and didn't get home til about midnight so Mon night was out. I thought sure he would want to try again tonight (Tues). Before we went to bed he started complaining about his back hurting him so I figured nothing would happen. When we went to bed he seemed to be OK. We talked for a few minutes and he didn't say anything about his back. I gave him a kiss and he said that he just didn't feel like doing anything. I can't help but to wonder did he enjoy it when we did or was it awful for him and he won't tell me. He knew it hurt me and he said that it felt good when we did but he just couldn't. Then he told me he was sorry that he had disappointed me and he would try to make it up to me latter. I just layed there I couldn't say anything. It seems like after not being able to do anything for 6 weeks that he could have made a little effort. I quess I'm the only one on the board that is having a problem getting some from by DH when everyone else is biting at the bits to do something.
Don't get me wrong he has been so sweet and kind to me through this whole thing. I just didn't expect him to turn me down already in the first week.

pnut, don't be sad, maybe he just thought you needed a little rest inbetween as u say he knew it had hurt a little. and didn't want to be tooooo over eager again.

I don't think that had anything to do with it. WhenI made the comment that maybe we should have waited longer even though the dr said it was OK so it would have been better. He told me that we shouldn't have unless there was something that I wasn't telling him.

Oh pnuts,

Maybe tonight after a nice dinner together, relax I'm sure you both may have to just get used to the new u. I have to wait till my next doc. app. early sept be fore i get green light..........so maybe I'll come asking some tips, i'm sure all will be well and maybe these uncontrollable hormones of our may be making you concerned unduly...............ask u can see don't know just a suggestion......

i think since you had just done it three times over the weekend, its not so unusual for someone want to wait a little bit. especially since this is all new to you and him after the surgery. i wouldnt take it personally. he might have really just been tired. things will get back into a schedule soon.

A. Men honestly think they're simple beings who mean exactly what they say. When he says he's too tired or it's too soon, he doesn't generally want that questioned. Is there more going on? Well, duh. But don't make him think about it.

B. Most men want to be the aggressor. My DH was always considerate of me, took no for an answer, but could get very enthusiastic in initiation. First time I tried to initiate, though, he did the "virgin under the covers" thing. I can still scare him in bed if I don't watch it (it might be me--he had other girls before we were married).

Give him a rest. Start out once a week, then step it up. Try to let him lead. But remember there is always more to a marriage than sex.

Yep, my DH's always been an eager beaver too, yet seems intimidated when I'm the assertive one (although he'll claim to liking it). So, why don't you relax for a bit, "play" just a little hard to get and let him make the next move. I have no doubt he will. It sounds to me like he's giving you a break--which you need and deserve after such surgery. In time everything will be back to normal--or even better!

I had my 7wk clearance this week, and we had done nothing for 3wks before I went in because I had so much going on that I wasn't feeling that great, and DH still hasn't even tried anything or said anything about it, I don't know if because it was always a hit and miss before my TAH, sometimes I was 2-3weeks with a period and felt so horrible, and he just got used to waiting so this is no big deal to him now, I'm going to wait a few more days and then approach the subject, but right now I feel a little hurt too. So hang in there maybe the DH's just don't know how to act so they don't act at all. Just wanted you to know your not alone.

It is nothing new that I am the aggressor. It was like that alot before I had surgery. He has never been a big aggressor. I ended up sleeping on the sofa because I was so upset that I just couldn't lay still and all I was doing was tossing and turning. It was after 4 AM before I got any sleep

It's very easy to feel hurt about these matters, especially when, post-surgery, it all feels so new again.

My guess is that he really was really tired, and his back hurt. Men (most men, as least) don't tend to be complainers. And if he wasn't up to dealing with any "expectation" that he, well, perform, then he was spared extra "work" by having a back ache.

A previous poster suggested taking it slowly, and I agree. What's the hurry in all this? If it hurts emotionally, then that is another matter, and you both might do better trying talk wholeheartedly with one another about such things.

How is it going now? I hope it's better for you both. Sometimes men's quiet makes us think all kinds of things. They just need some time and space to cope with us, with life.