Emotions are all bottled up

My surgery is day after tomorrow. My hubby is not even talking about what's going on. I'm running around trying to get groceries, make some meals, clean and get things ready. My nerves are a wreck and I could pack my bags and leave right now.

Is this normal?

My husband didn't want to talk about it too much either. I think he was too busy worrying and didn't want to concern me with his worries


Men are wired as problem solvers. Give them something they can fix, and they are all about proudly fixing the problem. They have a need to be able to solve our problems. Then, here comes this "thing" that they can't fix.

I printed off the checklists. Then I told my husband specifically the things that would help me the most. He really perked up when I did this. He just needed to know WHAT to do to help me through it. Once we had a plan, then it was US again and not just him watching me.

Be patient with him. We have a tendency to think that this is all about us women - our bodies, but in reality it is about all of those we live with too, especially our spouses. They are scared too.

s,
Kay

My husband would not talk either...even on the surgery day when my best friend was asking him something about my surgery he told her "I don't want to talk about it!" My poor BF is a talker too... hubby not so much! He was great during the recovery stage, but I could not get him to talk before surgery! He would not even give me opinions on "am I doing the right thing?".... I think it is very normal....do you have a good friend you can talk about all of your fears etc to? Just remember...men ARE from Mars! Best wishes to you!

Hang in there. I could try and sugar coat it and make it sound nice but here's the deal... men don't get it. I promise you when the surgery is done he will be GREAT and a big help. My husband was making me so upset being distant and minimalizing my feelings. When the chips were really down he was incredibly helpful and kind. We are all wishing you the very best. You're going to do so well. We'll see you on the other side.

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Originally Posted by misshyster Hang in there. I could try and sugar coat it and make it sound nice but here's the deal... men don't get it. I promise you when the surgery is done he will be GREAT and a big help. My husband was making me so upset being distant and minimalizing my feelings. When the chips were really down he was incredibly helpful and kind. We are all wishing you the very best. You're going to do so well. We'll see you on the other side.

I always thougth that I could count on him, but I can't. He has put his family and job before me and I come last. That's just how it is.

So I'm dealing with the hysterectomy and marraige problems. I don't think they mix to well.

I'm love to talk more tonight but I am so drained, it's time for a good cry and some sleep.

Thank you!

Oh you poor thing. Could you have any more stress? We are all here for you. If you want to pm me I promise to follow up with you and give you online support. I wish I could just come help out ......and bop him in the head! You can do this. You will be feeling much better after this trial. Hang in there. PM me if you want a buddy!

I asked my significant other if this pending surgery grossed him out or not..he said, no, you need it and you are going to feel better and that is all that matters and then he said....you are going to be wanting sex all the time now....I thought....yup, it boils down to the sex thing. But, secretely, I am looking forward to that.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by misshyster Oh you poor thing. Could you have any more stress? We are all here for you. If you want to pm me I promise to follow up with you and give you online support. I wish I could just come help out ......and bop him in the head! You can do this. You will be feeling much better after this trial. Hang in there. PM me if you want a buddy!

You are so kind! I appreciated your positive words.
This is just something that I will have to figure out.

Thank you!

Before my surgery my wonderful husband would listen to anything I had to say about the surgery but would not really give me any input. The most he said was on the very first day when my Dr. said it was time to consider removing my uterus and ovary. HD asked me, "Are you comfortable with this? Do you feel you need to do this?"

After the surgery I asked him why he had seemed so removed and wouldn't talk to me (but he did listen).

His reply was, "I was so terrified that something might go wrong and I might lose you that I just couldn't let my mind go there. I was afraid if I talked out loud about it I would break down crying and worry you and maybe you would put this off and I knew how much you needed this surgery. I was afraid if I talked about my feelings you would think I was selfish"

Silly man, made me love him even more

The 2 days before my surgery I cleaned the house, cooked meals and froze them, etc.... The night before the surgery I was scrubbing my bathroom at midnight. My DH asked me what the heck I was doing. I told him to just leave me alone and let me do what I needed to do to work through my nerves. He did. Went to bed and fell asleep. At first I was angry with him for leaving me alone and not talking to me but then I realized he is not a mind reader and he did exactly what I told him to do, "Leave me alone" Had I said please sit and listen to me an help calm me down he would have.

Remember your DH is probably feeling pretty helpless right now and he might not know how to handle it. We women love to talk about our worries and fears. It helps us move through them. Men face their fears silently. They are better at doing rather than talking about it.

Maybe he doesn't feel you need him, tell him point blank what you need and expect from him. He might surprise you.