Pre-op sex and need to talk

Has any of you sisters feel like you have to hide from the DH ? When our kids were little…. We use to call SEX Union Dues. We could be at the kitchen table eating dinner and I could tell him the Union called and that he had to pay his dues by tonight… He knew what I was looking for and the kids didn’t. lol
Anyway I find myself going to bed after he is asleep, just so that there will be no Union dues. He has said the Union leader is looking for me….lol . This is been going on now for about a week and its starting to really bug me. He is a very caring man and how I even ended up with such a great man.... I will never know.
But I just find myself on this site trying to avoid him. Is this normal?

He knows that I am getting really scared now that I have my pre-op date, for March 29 and he is here for me anytime I need to talk. But unlike some of the DH out there... mine has lots of info in his head... He is a Paramedic for the City, so he knows a lot more of what’s going on with me then he tells me, cause I can be a little bit of a worry wart. On the weekend we were marking the paramedic exams, after we were done we went back to hotel and we were talking for a little in the hot tub. I Told him that I was getting scared and that I needed to know how he really felt... he told me he didn’t want to tell me that he was scared also,,, cause that would just make me more scared.... He knows me so good.


I just wish I could sit at the table with some of my new sisters and have a real cup of coffee with you. I am sure you know how important this web site has been for all of us.
It’s so easy to talk to someone who HAS BEEN THERE.... or Going through the same things as me.
Thanks for listing to a longer post then i thought it would be.
Your Sister In Waiting
Barb

I understand how you feel. Sex has been very painful me and also I have so much on my mind that I can't seem to relax and enjoy it. I found myself lying to DH last week telling him that I was on my period ( I wasn't) and now looking for excuses for this week. He does understand to a certain extent but he is also a man and sometimes thinks with the other head (sorry if I was crude). I am hoping after surgery recovery that things will feel better.

Thanks tanner413


Its great to see i may not be the only one trying to avoid the DH.
Your Sister In Waiting
Barb

Hey Barb,

You seem to have a sweet and wonderful DH.

I had the same problem before my hyst, I couldn't worry (even though I was so exeited about it) and relax at the same time. Just the thought of having sex and thinking that my DR would be in that same area in a few weeks just turned me off!

Your normal!
Kelly

You're fine.

I kind of like the union dues thing......

I suspect that your dh just wants to let you know you're still loved and desired... He gave you a little clue when he said he didn't want to tell you that he was scared. I think that's pretty sweet.

Men and women are wired so different sexually, and for me, it's at least as much emotional as it is physical. And I think that, at least with some men, if they aren't connected sexually, they don't feel connected any other way, either.

Maybe, just maybe, if you re-connect with some gentle snuggling, you'll feel like more. I know in my case that part of my issue after I was cleared for sex was that I was "out of practice" in the snuggle department. It took a while until I was comfortable with that again. If you don't want sex even after the snuggling, it sounds like you've got one terrific fella who will understand. Go ahead and cry and tell him what's on your mind. You've got the rest of your lives to reconnect in this area....give it some time.

to you.

I know how you feel too - I almost feel like I'm avoiding. but most of all because I'm scared that I will "rupture" something. Usually, I get a dark blood/discharge after sex. Last time it was bright red... really scared me. I just feel like I don't want to do anything until I'm all "repaired". DB is pretty understanding, but I know he want to have sex before surgery. Me, I''m just pain scared!

WOW
I love all this info from all my sisters.... i am NORMAL after all.
How can i ever thank all of you.
maybe over a cup of cyber coffee.

and of course a really big

Life is Great with my new sisters
Your Sister In Waiting
Barb