Emotions

Hi understandably with my op date abt 3 weeks away my emotions are a bit up and down.

When we had several failed IVF and had to stop, I bottled my feelings up and tried to carry on, only to find that a huge torrent of emotion finally broke forth and I was an emotional wreck. After some counselling I was okay again.

Obviously I don't want that to happen again, but I can't help but feel that I am bottling things up already and I haven't had it yet.

My sister is about to have her fourth child, in fact her due date clashes almost to the day with my TAH. I feel teary just thinking about this, how unfair life is.

When she had her first child, it clashed with a round of IF treatment for me. I was waiting to see if my dh and I were successful and I had a call from my mum, who didn't want to go to the hospital on her own to the maternity wing. So I had to go with her, it was one of the hardest things I have done. I ended up in the delivery suite and held my hour old niece in my arms.

Somehow I have to deal with this. And I don't know how I am going to do it. My sister is high maintenance at the best of times and will want me to be enthusiastic about her new baby, I don't know if I can.

If I told her so, she would tell me to get over it.

Anyway feel better after telling someone about it.

It's completely understandable for you to feel like that. It doesn't sound like your family is being very supportive of your feelings so why are you worried about theirs? I know it's harder said then done but you need to take care of yourself first.

Maybe your surgery date is a blessing in disguise, that's your excuse not to have to go and fawn over your sister's kid. If your sister gets mad let her be mad, that's her problem not yours. One day your sister will have to go through something she doesn't know how to deal with, how would she respond to you telling her to get over it?

As for your Mom, since when is it a child's responsibility to hold their parents hand? It would be different if she was going to hear bad news or had a condition that required someone to be with her, she's a big girl she can go to the hospital herself.

Take care of yourself, we're all here if you need to talk. Good luck with your surgery.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. This is a difficult surgery under the best of conditions. Your sister's situation understandably creates even more emotions for you.

BUT, you need to take care of yourself, because after this type of surgery the healing process can take a long time. You do not have to hold your sister's hand or fawn over her. It is okay to tell her that you can't come over for a while because you are healing from having a hysterectomy.

I know it is hard when family does not get it. I hope your dh will support you. AND, you have the support of all of these wonderful women on this site. Hang in there sweetie. Post as often as you need.

Hugs to you...

Thank you both for your support.

I know I must be strong and firm with her, but when you are feeling low and in pain it is not always as easily said as done.

Hopefully dh will be okay, he did plead my case to his mother who doesn't think I should have it done as dd (we adopted) is only 4 and needs me. But he pointed out that I am in so much pain I can't be there for her as a mother should be.

RoseMartha

I feel your pain. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant and hysteroscopy, I finally did (age 39), only to have the pregnancy fail. About 2 months after my D&C, my sister announced her pregnancy and I cried. Later when her daughter was born, I had a hard time being joyful for her and enjoying her baby.

Due to my age and the growth of more fibroids, I have made peace with the fact that I will never give birth, and am ready for this surgery.

I hope you can eventually make your peace with it, too. I strongly suggest counseling and, if possible, include your sister in a session or 2 - it helps to get the emotions out when there is someone to help the conversation along.

(I did this with my step daughter recently and we were able to calmly discuss our issues and come to an understanding and our relationship is much better for it.)

Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place.

Wishing you all the best
(((HUGS)))

I feel for you, this is a very difficult situation to be in. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and later hemorrhaged and almost bled out, and had emergency D&C. Then my marriage ended and along with it any real chance for a second child. It was during this short time frame that my sister in law announced her pregnancy. I was devastated. I couldn't find it in my heart to be happy for her at all at the time. When she gave birth and I visited her in the hospital I was happy for her. But walking out to my car that day by myself I cried very hard. It's ok to be happy for her and still sad for you. After 3 months I''m still mourning the loss of my uterus and believe this is one of my biggest challenges in life. But I can do it :-). I wish you strength and I send you love.

Thank you both, I hope I will be able to make peace with it too.

sugarandspice.

	Quote:
It's ok to be happy for her and still sad for you.

This stood out for me in your reply, I will try and remember this when I go and visit her.

Hugs for you both too.

RoseMartha & Sugar

I really liked that quote, too.

I hope it helps :-) I understand how difficult it is and I'm thinking of you.

Thanks.

I saw the surgeon today he wanted to meet me before the operation as he is not my regular gynie doctor. (so that I could have the operation sooner, my name was put into a pool and the first free doctor took it out as it were, although I have still been waiting since early June.)

Anyway he talked with me for ages getting a history etc, he did have my notes in front of him, which he said he had looked at but also went through whilst I was there. And went through everything again.......as I guess he has to.

Then he gave me the option to keep or not keep my cervix?

I am like right what do I decide? I have read up on it tonight and it maybe better for me to lose it under the circumstances. He said I can tell him either way on the day.