dVH/RALH: Looking for the truth about sex after hyster. So confused.

I'm so confused and scared about what sex will be like after my hyster (losing uterus and cervix and keeping both ovaries).

I'm concerned about vaginal atrophy. I'm worried that penetration will hurt. I'm afraid my husband will hit the vaginal cuff every time we attempt intercourse. Basically, I'm just plain old scared as to what this will do to my marriage.

If I had cancer this would be a no brainer. If I had severe endometriosis like so many of you brave ladies, where sex hurt then this decision would be way easier. But for me, my current symptoms aren't debilitating. They are still in the annoying phase. My bleeding is heavy and lasts about 10 to 15 days each month. My cramps are bad for about 4 days. I do cramp every day, even when I'm not on my period, but it's just a dull ache and I have a heavy feeling in my pelvis and an ache in my lower back. I'd describe all of this (except for the 4 days of bad cramping) as very uncomfortable rather than painful.

My doctor suspects adenomyosis due to my symptoms and a sonogram showing an enlarged uterus. She doesn't think ablation will help me and thinks it may make things worse. I've read the horror stories of ablations with adenomyosis and really agree with my doctor that that isn't a good option for me. It does seem to be getting worse. I had a placenta abnormality with my last pregnancy and delivery would have been life threatening had I not had a c-section. That baby is now 2 and the aches and cramps have gotten worse since having her.

I tried the pill in hopes that I could control my symptoms for a couple years so I would be a bit older before needing the hysterectomy. It made me very depressed, plus I still bled on the heavy side with it (though it was way better than off). Before I was educated about hysterectomies, I used to say I wish they'd take my uterus out every time I was on my period. It's easy to feel that way on my heavy, crampy days. But then on normal days like today I think "no, don't take my uterus!".

After learning about possible sexual dysfunction and pain post hysterectomy, I'd prefer to put this off until the bleeding is completely unmanageable or the pain is unbearable. I really only have 3 main reasons for taking care of this now rather than later 1) we have no birth control (the pill makes me depressed, I'm allergic to latex condoms, I'm allergic to the spermicide on polyurethane condoms, and I can't have an IUD due to scarring from my c-sections), and 2) we will be moving soon and where I am now I have an amazingly good Ob/Gyn that is a very gifted surgeon and I trust her, and 3) my husband's current job has good insurance that doesn't view hysterectomy for benign bleeding as elective and therefore covers it without question.

Both of my Ob/Gyn's nurses are my age and have had hysterectomies and say it's the best thing they ever did. But both of them had endometriosis that made sex extremely painful before surgery. My adenomyosis doesn't affect sex at all. My uterus is tender when my kids climb on my lap, but surprisingly intercourse doesn't bother it at all.

I know that women who have good post hysterectomy experiences tend to get on with their lives and don't take the time to go on these types of sites and say how great everything is, but the large group of women that have sexual dysfunction after hysterectomy are very vocal and their stories scare me.

Thank you for getting through this long post. I look forward to reading real post-op stories from real women.

You're concerns are valid because this varies from person to person. From my own personal experience: I had a total hysterectomy back in July of 11 for multiple cysts, a fibroid, endo and as it turned out adeno. Cervix and both ovaries were also taken. I was one of the lucky ones that did not experience any pain during sex before surgery so I was very concerned, as you are. Following surgery, the first 3/4 times once we got the go ahead were uncomfortable (as I was told it probably would be) and I did bleed so we waited a little longer. After about 11 weeks post op I have had no problems and our sex life is still great.

I am sure you will get many positive replies to your post.....there are alot of us here that have a great sex life post op.

Best of luck too you..hugs
Tracy

OMGosh, have I gone back in time and started posting in pre-op?! Your situation sounds a lot like mine was right down to the diagnosis, allergies and concerns.

For me the sex has been fine. It's even a little better because I no longer have those "ow ow ow that's my cervix" moments or the uncomfortable feeling of an inflamed uterus making its presence known during sexy times.

My husband has told me that things feel generally the same below the equator and we've had no issues with the cuff.

It also is my understanding that regular sex also helps to prevent vaginal atrophy plus it's just good for you if you're up for it.

Thank you for your reply. I hope to get more like it. My Ob/Gyn has been my doctor for nearly 15 years. I feel like she cares about me as a person and I don't think she would be recommending a hyster if she felt I'd have sexual dysfunction afterwards. I have discussed all my concerns with her and she assures me that none of her patients have had the types of problems I'm worried about. I have known women and my sister and mom have known women that all had hysters and they were all very pleased with the outcome. I am just so scared by the terrible stories I read online. I don't even glance at the HERS site anymore.

Abagayle, I had the DvH and am into my sixth week post op so I have not been given "permission" to have sex yet but I can assure you the desire is there and I do feel I still get moist inside. I have read on here though that once I can have sex (intercourse) I must use plenty of lubrication the first few times till my poor V is used to it again. LOL You should be fine. Good luck with ur surgery!

I made the mistake of reading through the post op and sexual dysfunction threads and saw post after post of women complaining of have tiny, frustrating orgasms even years post op and women who have pain with penetration. I'm so scared.

I had no pain before, no pain after. No shortening, no cuff problems. No drier than before. All in all, I was very scared about what would happen to ruin things, but it never happened that way. The first few times were nerve wracking due to fear, but that all passed when things seemed normal. I had no choice, due to cancer, so of course I worried, I think that's normal. I hope all you ladies find things stay good post op, and I think for most that is the case.

Hi, Abagayle.
I'm pre-op too, and I have had many of the same fears. I do have cancer, so I don't have a choice about surgery. I think it's the fact that you have a choice that's making it harder for you. So many factors to consider!

We all have to find a balance between being informed, and at the same time preserving a positive state of mind. Just don't let your fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy. As women, our sexuality is not just physical, but mental and emotional. If you love yourself, and you and your partner love each other, something satisfying is bound to happen in your sex life post-op. Some time, some imagination, some lube (really!) a sense of humor should get you through. I'm counting on it!

Even so, the fears about cancer and surgical complications are sometimes enough to compromise my sense of emotional safety, and the heat I would normally have with my boyfriend. He's been patient and supportive, thank heavens, but I worry too! And it bugs me when I'd like to be sexy with him, and I just can't muster it. But I try to make it up to him in whatever way I can.

Don't focus too much on the negative, scary stuff. If you really need to make a change for your health and well-being, and in your heart of hearts you know it's the right decision, go with it, and go with courage.

My very best wishes to you. Hang in there!

There has been a lot of discussion about first time sex post op on my date club.

One lady had the big O all by herself in the shower.
Another was worried about vaginal atrophy too.
She was the one that recommended keeping plenty of lubricant handy just in case.
One did have a bit of bleeding afterwards, so just rested and left it another couple of weeks before trying again.

Everyone has been alright!

Wait until your doc has said it is OK, but also wait until you feel you are ready. Listen to your body until you need to feel confident to give it a go.

Most have said that sex is "different" but just as satisfying

This is such a scary surgery because we don't know for sure how things will be after and our doctors can't give us guarantees. I had a TVH in July removed both uterus and cervix and kept ovaries. We waited 9 weeks post op before trying sex. It was sore after a while but didn't hurt. My vaginal cuff doesnt hurt at all even though DH is bumping it during sex. I notice no change in lubrication or in the length of my vagina. DH says it feels just the same to him. For me though, the orgams are not as good now. I miss the strong uterine contractions and I'm disappointed that they are gone. I still have orgasms and they are easy to achieve but they lack the intensity and depth. We have to accept some changes. It is major surgery and some things are bound to be different. Sex post op takes some patience and time but for most women the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Im wishing you the best