Upcoming hysterectomy on 10/14 & my world was just turned upside down

I am a 38 year old stay at home mother of an 8 yr old and 15 yr old (stepson). I am scheduled for a TAH on 10/14. I was diagnosed with a large uterine fibroid in May 2013 and had originally scheduled my hysterectomy (DaVinci) last Fall. I had to cancel that surgery 3 days prior due to my husband not being supportive. I did not feel that I could proceed without his support at that time. Over the following months he was in a new job so I felt that I should wait until things settled down before rescheduling. Because I waited a full year, the fibroid has grown even larger and my Dr feels that we need to proceed with a TAH with a vertical incision. Needless to say that scares me that it will be much more invasive and a longer recovery. The same things/arguments that happened last Fall before my scheduled surgery are happening again. I do not know how I am going to have this surgery and recover without my husband's support. He has informed me that once I have recovered from surgery he wants a divorce. He tells me I need to be looking for a job (3 days before surgery!!!). It scares me to put my trust in him to take care of me and our children when he apparently cares so little. It also angers me that he picks this timing to bring that up and that I postponed my surgery for a year for him and now I am paying the price. I am praying that the next few days will be peaceful but I am skeptical. I have stood by his side for numerous surgeries and an outpatient rehab stint, but he cannot support me when I need him most. I am very bitter and nervous.

I wish I knew what to say, but all I can say is that I'm so sorry. The first thing that you need to do is take care of your health, and then you can worry about dealing with everything else. You can do this even if your husband is not supportive, there are many women on here who have. Having an abdominal is not the end of the world, I had one with a horizontal incision and recovered more quickly and easily than many people with more invasive procedures. You might want to also seek a second opinion regarding the type of surgery if you really want a less invasive procedure, maybe another surgeon could do it. Your kids are old enough to cook, clean for themselves, so even if your husband doesn't help, the kids can assist. Do you have any family/close friends who could be support for you while you go though this? I am sorry for what is happening with your husband. Have there been ongoing issues, or does it seem to be all about the surgery?

Thank you for the reassuring words. When we married 9 1/2 years ago he had been diagnosed bi-polar and was medicated. There were slight ups and downs but nothing we could not handle. About 3 years ago he went to a different doctor who said he felt he had been misdiagnosed and weened him off the meds. The next year we separated for 2 months and then worked things out. There have been a lot of stressors over the past few years...taking care of my aging mother, my husband going thru alcohol rehab, and us fighting for custody of my stepson (which we won). When he gets upset and angry he does not fight fair and is vindictive. It is not a peaceful environment when that happens...so no rest will be had. I have begged him to go back the doctor and get back on some meds...but he keeps blaming our problems on me. No family to help me other than my mom who is not in the best of health and frankly she and he cannot stand to be around each other for long. My MIL will be coming up the 2nd week to help out with the kids and myself if still needed. Luckily I do have a few good neighbors to help with the kid's transportation and will check on them from time to time.

Having been married to someone who suffers from Depression for over 17 years I know all too well about the arguments you are having. But I can also tell you that he is not aware of how he is making you feel nor does he remember what he says. More than likely he is just as scared as you - and having a difficult time with the situation. I would have gotten a second opinion on the TAH. It may be too late for that now not sure of your circumstances - Having had a C-section I do know it is a much different recovery than the Da Vinci surgery.

Best of luck I hope things settle down.

Wow! I'm sorry you are going through so many things at the same time. I would make sure to have support there with you other than your husband. I have the love and emotional support from my husband but due to our financial circumstances, mine could only take one day off of work and then as soon as I got home from the hospital, he went back to work and I was on my own. I have a 3 and 6 year old, both with special needs, so I had a friend of mine stay with me at the house for 3 days. After the third day, they left at my request. I am glad to say that I am doing quite well as for me it is day 9 post-op. I even did some laundry folding and other things I am used to doing.

As far as what surgery is worse, I had easy c-sections, and this laparoscopic surgery (abdominal surgery #7) has been the hardest physically, at least immediately, compared to my 6 other surgeries. Some surgeries (2) were omitted from my signature as per the site rules, but you can see from there what I have had done.

In your case, I understand why you are resentful. I would be too! You were waiting just to find out that the person you trusted the most is abandoning you in your time of need. It will take at least 6 weeks to recover, but if you keep canceling the procedure, then it may be worse in the future for you.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this extra stress, but it is critical that you take care of your health-for your sake and the children's. Whatever the reason, your husband does not appear to be equipped to support you at this time, so you're going to need a back up plan at least for week 1.

Every woman is different. There are women here who have had a TAH who were back to work in 2 weeks. I had a partial with a vertical incision, and while it's not the end of the world, I'm not there yet. I'm also the poster child for why postponing it again is not a good idea, especially since you've said it's fast growing. My world was caving in as well, and I had some fibroid complications I was trying to address before the surgery. To make a long story short, 4 months later I ended up in ICU with additional complications resulting in an emergency hysterectomy.

I don't know how independent your children are, but if you could at least freeze some meals (or buy some frozen ones) that would help. Also, if you absolutely have no one who can assist, the hospital may be able to arrange for an aid to stop by.

Finally, I'd like to pass along some wise words that are helping me get through.

"Sometimes God quiets the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and quiets His child."

Sending prayers and hugs!!

Take a deep breath and take care of you. If you aren't you can't take care of anything or anyone else. Take one day at a time and know your sisters here will keep you in our prayers/thoughts.

Hi Daybyday...just checking in to see how you're doing.

Sending hugs!!

I too wonder how you are after surgery. Sending prayers and sister hugs!

I am 1 week post op and this is the first day I have felt like being online. Thank y'all for checking in on me. Things are going well. My husband and I had a really good talk the day before surgery. He has been incredibly supportive and is forcing me to rest and not be too active. Things are good thank God!!!