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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
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06-19-2008, 05:18 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 19
Hysterectomy: June 12th, 2008
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
I also consedered canceling my surgery. I am the "super mom" and I don't like to ask others for help. I have three boys 3,9, 15 and also my DH whom I do everything for. I created the madness of my family and I was afraid all would fall apart if I wasn't able to do it. I did plan ahead and made sure all of the laundry was done, bought food that anyone could prepare, loaded up on snacks and put stuff out for my 3yr old to easily reach. I also put the laundry basket up high next to the washer so I could still do the laundry without having to bend. I was feeling well enough to do dishes, cook a little and do a few chores my third day home. I think that if you are in the pain that you are in now, the pain from your surgery will be tolerable. At least it is for me. I really hope that you don't cancel, everything will be there when you are well.
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06-19-2008, 05:58 AM
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Posts: 1,321
Hysterectomy: September 1st, 2006
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
Jessica -
My DH has an autistic brother who functions about at 5 years of age. I know the challenges that can go along with a special needs child, even if it is as an adult. I also grew up with a sister who is severely FAS, long before anyone wanted to acknowledge the harm alcohol can do on a fetus.
Coodles to your DH saying he will step up. Men want to 'fix things'. I really beleive this. And yet when a situation becomes too much for a quick fix, I think alot of the time their first reaction is loss of sight and hearing (lol). Here's what might help further this along. Encourage him to give smalls tasks to your son, you might even have to come up with them but still, you will see the results right? And this will put responsibilities in place before your actual surgery. And there might even be things you are willing to do. When I had my surgery, DH would wash the laundry but really stunk at folding, so he brought it to me and I (propped up in bed) folded and then he put away. It was kind of nice not being totally useless and I think he was happy to feel he wasn't alone in all this.
OK this is maybe going to sound awful to some but I found this very effective as well. I found my DH responded to praise for the actions he took much like the dogs do. Yep it wasn't too much to ask that he stop on his way home for ice cream but I have no doubt my slight overreaction (thank you) just stroked his ego.
Wiht regards to your mother I am so sorry. Mine was an absolute gem through both of my surgerys (it still kind of amazes me because we weren't close when I was growing up as she had well issues). I have little patience for people who state Gods will as their own. My response, whether verbal or in my head, is almost always 'God don't like ugly'. I don't know why it helps really but it does.
I am so sorry the situation is what it is with your mom, that certainly adds to your stress. This is another place though where your DH can step in and say your sleeping when she calls.
With your 3 year old. Is there no one he is comfortable with? What if some came in everyday for increasing visits before your surgery? Would he acclimate to them?
I hope you find the answers you need,
Julie
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06-19-2008, 08:48 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 136
Hysterectomy: June 30th, 2008
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
My cousin, her husband, our best friends (husband - wife team), and my own husband are helping a lot. DH didn't know how bad I've really been. Like that when the cramps hit, sometimes if I can't move (like lay down and rock/roll side to side) then my body stiffens and I start physically shaking.
Ok, I'm NOT going to cancel. Yes, I am in a downward spiral physically (and mentally) and I can't keep going like this. I will keep my scheduled date.
Now, I am in a really bad mental state. I don't care about the house anymore. Heck, I'm short and have to climb over, around things all the time any way. What's a little more after a surgery? After what my mom said, everything else doesn't matter.
Oh, and dehydrated again. I'm positive about that because those symptoms are back but suddenly I've stopped bleeding. Something else I need to "tell" dh about (he really is "blind" when he can't fix things).
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06-19-2008, 08:51 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 97
Hysterectomy: July 17th, 2008
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
My Dear,
The very first question is, do I want to continue like this? The second question is, am I willing to do something about it, ask a stranger for help? The folks in your immediate surroundings for what ever reasons cannot help. It sounds like you are so very overwhelmed and in so much pain. Both physical and emotional. I am so sorry this happening. The thought of even trying to figure out where to begin can be over the top daunting.
So check this out. A very good place to start is your phone book. Or google "crisis lines" for your area. There are crisis lines you can call. This way you do not have to deal with what it would take to just get out the door. The person on the end of that phone line has tons of resources to pull out of their tool box. Let that person do it all for you. They can hook you up. I have an autistic boy who is now 16. He has out grown a lot of his behaviors. there is hope.
If you cannot ask for help for yourself, then do it for your little ones. Knowing that it will benefit them if their mommy is well and strong.
I will be thinking about you all day dear.
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06-19-2008, 09:22 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 31
Hysterectomy: June 24th, 2008
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
Jessica,
Glad to hear that you are getting some of the support you need. It is true that sometimes our DH's can be blind to things, but I try to remind myself that my DH is not a mind reader so I need to make a conscious effort to tell him exactly how I feel and what I need.
Most of the time my DH is more than willing to help if he knows what's going on.... my problem is that I am used to doing for myself and everyone else so it is hard to ask for help. I've always thought that was a positive thing, but I think that I've seen lately how it can be a bit of a character flaw. I shouldn't be pretending that everything's okay when it isn't and I need to be able to lean on someone else when needed....so I'm working on that. (We'll see how successful I am after my surgery next week!)
I am glad that you have decided not to cancel. From your prior posts it sounds like you really need to address your health issues so that you will be able to physically handle taking care of your family in the future. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that your surgery goes well and that you heal quickly!
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06-19-2008, 09:27 AM
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Posts: 1,321
Hysterectomy: September 1st, 2006
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
Jessica -
That is wonderful news (funny to say surgery is wonderful but you know what I mean)! There have been various threads on here over the years, weekly at least, about DHs not getting it until we have had enough and read them the riot act. The blessing is with few exception, they step up.
I am glad you have a support group to help you.
The mental state hopefully will now improve with you not feeling you are all alone in this, either at home or on here (I swear this board was 90% of what kept me together and prepared me). If you do still feel overwhelmed or hopeless (not sure which but I am assuming its one or the other), talk to your Dr about short term Rx options.
Know someone always has the light on here and you never have to feel all alone.
Julie
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06-19-2008, 11:47 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 369
Hysterectomy: June 23rd, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
{{{Jessica}}}
Keeping you in prayer. Sweet I am glad to read that DH is stepping up, that God is answernig prayer and bringing in more help with your cousin, her husband, etc.
Keep your head up and know we are all always here, day and night. Take good care and try to take it easy until your surgery.
Blessings,
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06-19-2008, 12:22 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 49
Hysterectomy: June 20th, 2008
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
((((Jessica))))) Many many hugs to you. I'm in Tx too!
I am so glad you are getting at least a little help now. My DH is completely oblivious sometimes and it frustrates the utter crud out of me. I told him that he has a lot of chores today in order to get the house ready and he was surprised. I can't believe he can't see the mess! if I could do it alone, I would, but I can't. He'll have to. I help him all the time, this is his turn. He was babied entirely too much by his mother and I am not impressed by that. In fact, the more pain I am in, the tireder I get, I get pretty fed up with that. He's willing to do things, if I throw a fit and if I hand-hold him the entire time. It's annoying. It's a good thing I am patient or he might be the one going in for surgery!
Do you think you could bribe your 14 yr old into doing laundry, etc? We're paying our 10-almost-11 year old to do some above-and-beyond chores for a week. (like laundry) He's not lazy, just kind of unmotivated, but money seems to do the trick.
Praying for you, sweetie.
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06-19-2008, 06:28 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 102
Hysterectomy: June 23rd, 2008
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
Jessica,
My heart goes out to you. Reading your post, I can feel your pain and hear your frustration. Keep your head up, there is light at the end of every dark tunnel. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
May God Bless You
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06-19-2008, 06:32 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 102
Hysterectomy: June 23rd, 2008
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Have to make decision...and I know it's the wrong one
Oops!
I must've missed something. Sounds like you are getting help now. God do answer prayers.
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