very long. in tears nobody to talk to(children mentioned)

I have two children who I absoulty worship. I was told id have a very hard time getting pregnant and if/when I did there may be some complications. I was blessed to become pregnant with my son without any issue, he wasnt planned but wasnt prevented. He was born just shy of 37 weeks, had to be induced due to pre clampsia he was a tiny little peanut and very jaundice due to the low birth weight and the fact he is hispanic. but otherwise he was perfectly healthy. a few short months later this time on birth control I was blessed to find out i was pregnant again. Ger pregnancy was much rougher, first was a brezze no morning sickness, was reala ctive all the way up till last trimester. My daughter i ended up on bed rest, started dialating way early etc, again was induced due to pre clampsia. again blessed with a very tiny yet full term baby. she had many many problems soon after birth with her lungs and kidneys. Thankfully they have worked themsleves out. she still gets respitory infections easily but we have a handel on them

My husband and I have the family we always dreamed of, the exact way we wanted it. we Had two children a boy and a girl and the boy even came along first (what we had hoped for) and now here i sit in tears at the prospect of never haveing any more kids. My tubes have been tied since last year as I felt like i was pushing the envelop and the next time i may not be so lucky. but for some reason this is just pulling at me. I guess its because 2 weeks after my surgery my princess will be 2. this will be my last 2nd bday party ill ever throw, the last time ill ever say "terrible twos" i feel like i know all this and yet im still haveing this surgery so close to her 2nd bday. im the type of mom who insists on bakeing the cake and makeing it special and just makeing it a great time for her and i feel like im ruining her 2nd bday and xmas. years ill never get back.

My hubby insists it will still be special. I know he is right but its just he isnt mom ya know?

then last week my husband and I had a talk with my 2.5 year old who is very smart for his age and the sweetest kid ever. he is so compastionate. Iv been blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids and attend college online so when they start school i can work and make it up to my husband . so iv never been away from my kids ever. my son has spent the night with my mom twice and that was only because our daughter was in the hospital. My daughter has severe seperation anxiety and so she has never ever been away from me or her dad, for more than a few hours at a time.

So we sat the kids down and told them Mommy has a ouchie in her belly and has to go spend the night at the doctors house so he can fix it, and that they will spend the day with there pa-pa (my father) and that daddy will pick them up after. we left it at that and ever since if i lay down on the couch my son will say mommy you ok? and he will get his beloved blanket and cover me with it and he keeps saying mommy me and daddy will take care of you and sissy. it just breaks my heart that my 2 year old thinks he needs to take care of me and he keeps saying Mommy, ill miss you.

I feel like iv messed up everything. the kids holidays, my husbands future as i know if at all possible hed love more children, but he also feels very blessed for the ones we do have and feels we were gifted with our daughter at the time we were because had we waited longer she may not be here. I just feel like in less than 1 months time iv ruined the holidays. hubs is loseing a weeks worth of income, and working as many double shifts as possible to ensure the kids have a great xmas whole still trying to keep bills afloat. i feel like im putting my baby girl through a trama as iv never sopent one singel night away from her ever and honestly have never had that desire to.

I keep makeing a pros list to this surgery. and I NEED it, all other options have been exhausted and i want my sex life back, i want to be pain free. I wnat to have enrgry again. i just wnat to be the person my kids and husband so deserve.

I just feel bad, there are women with the problems I have had who have not had the outcome I have had, i feel bad saying i want more kids when i tied my tubes and was given two beautiful miracles.

My husband is from Mexico and he cant stand hospitals. I know this isnt a life threatning surgery, but his mom who he had an incrediable bond with passed away in a hospital after a surgery and he is horrified something bad will happen to me. he has woken up screaming because of night mares. he has so much on his mind and I feel so bad he hates when he comes home he can tell when im in pain even if i dont say a word. I have explained to him medical care here is much different and better and my surgery is different than what his mom had, she died due to heart problems, where as my uterus is not a needed organ for survival.

I dont know I just have no right to be feeling sad and sorry for myself yet i find myself sobing because i am runing everything. more importantly my kids holidays. My dr feels this needs to be done sooner rather than later, husband and family already took time off etc. The kids are asleep my husband is working, thedog is asleep. im uncomfortable and in pain and feel like i cant talk to my husband about what im feeling because he already is so stressed, not htat he wouldnt listen but i dont feel its a good time to unload on him. im sorry this is kind of all over the place, my thoughts are as well lol. I guess im going to go lay down and hope my hubby gets home soon. havent seen him since 4a.m and its now 11pm.

i guess what brought this all on is my son heard me tell my mom i wasnt feeling good because before he went to bed he kissed my belly and said i hope your belly feels better mommy lol. he usally crawls in bed with us ain the middle of the night and usually hubby or I march him right back but latley iv been allowing him to stay, not a good idea since once i get that surgery i dont really want to risk a hit to that area lol. its my lil secret i love when the kids sneak in for a snuggles lol

I am sorry you are so sad!! It is normal to feel sad abouth not having anymore babies. I had my tubes tied too but still felt a loss when I had surgery!! Please know you will get through this and be a better Mommy for it!! Your kids love you and all they want is you. You will be home be fore ya know it!! I have 2 boys and they never stayed away from us either. My parents stayed at our house with them this help alot, they still got to be home!!! Please do not feel guilty and do not worry. Take a deep breath and Give it to God y prayers are with you

Youngandscared,
You have come to the right place. Every woman here on this site has their own story. We have all suffered through the pain, the loneliness and being scared.
You have two beautiful wonderful children, and it sounds like your little son is very caring and understanding that Mommy doesn't feel good. I too was blessed with a son that is kind and caring, he is now 19 years old. I had my TLVH Oct 20th and asked him to come up and help me out along with his two of his sisters. I was really amazed that they were here to help me out.
Your "Little Man" will be there to help you out too. He will love on you and get you whatever you need. (Guess what, it only gets better!)
Another Pro about this surgery is that you are doing it now. The children are both young enough and won't remember you not "feeling well." By the time Spring gets here you will be full of so much energy and life, that these babies will see that Mommy has more energy and can play with them.
I would suggest to have some fun little games you can do with the children while you are resting.
Your daughter will survive, it will be tougher on you than her! Your son will help her with the adjustment. That is a great thing about having a "big" brother.
You will not regret this decision. It will be the smartest thing you have ever done. Think of all the energy that you will have to play with them.
I send you lots of tender hugs, postive healing thoughts.
PS. Don't forget your tummy pillow when you go and make your visit to the Castle. I was totally amazed how much I used it at the hospital.

I just posted what seems like this same situation on another post. I feel the same, I am sorry I cant help much but to tell you that your not a lone. I was told I couldn't have children and I have 2 wonderful girls. Both are under 4 yrs old. They were very hard pregnancies but both girls are worth it. I had to have my tubes tied after my second cause the risks of my surviving another pregnancy was very slim (I got pregnant with both kids on birthcontrol, so couldnt chance it) My husband is in the navy and is currently deployed and wont get home till mid next year. We were planning on waiting for surgery till after he got home but the doctor really thinks we need to do it asap, she wanted to this month and I pushed it off till the 10th of dec. I am sooo scarred and am worried, cause my family (mom, dad, and 2 sisters) currently take care of my kids and I everyday because the pain is too much, even with meds, and now with surgery they are having to take a lot of time off and change their lives around drasticly. I hate that they have to do all this, and my husband is soo stressed because of not being here and our girls that he has been loosing wieght and getting sick. I feel that this is all my fault and am constantly wondering if there are any other options for me instead of surgery; but I know the doctors and I have tried everything and that if I really want to be the mom my children deserve and wife my husband needs then I need to get this surgery. Plus I know that my family wouldnt change a thing(other than my being sick), they want to be there for me and are just happy that they are able to be here, and once I get this surgery and get through recovery they will get to spoil and ditch the girls for me to deal with, and I cant wait for that day I really hope this helps you a little, seeing your post really made me feel a lot better knowing Im not alone. I will pray for you and hope that all goes smoothly, for everyone...

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Your story sounds so simmilar to mine and I'm feeling the exact same way. Just know you as a mommy will feel better soon rather than later

Hi youngandscared

You have every right to feel sad and sorry for yourself

When my son was 2 1/2, I was placed on 3 1/2 months of bedrest due to preterm labor with another pregnancy. The whole time, all I could think about was how I was ruining his life and taking all that precious time away from him.

He is now 17 years old, and he is just fine. His memories of that time are of the time he spent with his grandparents and the hours he and I spent together cuddling on the couch and watching videos together. He is a wonderful young man, and he wasn't damaged by my time in bed.

It's hard now to look at your little ones and be able to think about how this period of time will fit into the scheme of their whole lives. A couple months is such a huge percentage in the life of a two-year old--but your children will be fine. It's so sweet that your son is kissing your tummy to make it better. It shows that you're a good mommy, one who is teaching your children to be caring and expressive. Let this be a time when he gets to practice his caring and nurturing. It will help him deal with this better. Kids are much more resilient than we are, I think, and they will be fine.

As for your husband, well, his anxiety is understandable. Still, if you chose to postpone your surgery, wouldn't he still have that anxiety that you'll be in the hospital at some point in the future? And would he also feel guilt that he was the reason you didn't get the help you need?

On top of all that, you deserve to have a better quality of life. You really do. As women, we often set aside our needs for others. But you really will be a better wife and mother once you're able to feel good every day.

It's very common to feel lots of anxiety and do some second-guessing as the surgery approaches, so it may be that things are not quite as difficult as you're thinking right now. It just feels that way because your surgery date is approaching.

Meanwhile, feel free to vent with us here, any time you need to.

I'm sending big your way.

Hi youngandscared,
You have the right to be scared and feeling sorry for yourself. You are facing major surgery and I think everyone feels scared before. I know you are worried about your children's reactions but it sounds like they are handling it. I don't think you are ruining anyone's holidays and sometimes you have to think about long term. You will feel better and be able to give them more of you after the surgery and recovery than if you don't have the surgery. Maybe your doctor could talk to your husband to help allieve his fears. They won't go away if you wait.
I hope this helps you to realize that you aren't alone and you have lots of people who have gone through this. I was also scared but everyone around me has rallied to help me. It has been tough due to two rehospitalizations due to complications(not from the surgery) but everyone realize how bad I was doing.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts for an uneventful surgery and recovery. You are not alone. We have all gone through things prior to the surgery and afterwards, I think most of us are glad. I know I am despite my slow recovery. I know my quality of life is improving every day.
Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes