Figured out why I have so much anxiety about this...

Like most of us here, I have had more panic and anxiety than I am used to having in my life, because of my "issues". It surprises me because medical matters do not typically scare me at all. I grew up around "medicine" (my dad is a spine surgeon) and I worked in a children's hospital for years and years before I became a SAHM. Hospitals are not scary to me and I am usually really calm, cool, and collected when dealing with medical issues. But, this has really thrown me off and today I realized WHY... It's actually not the surgery/procedure that is causing me stress - it's the AFTER the surgery that is scaring me. I am literally having life-changing surgery! But, since it's not something I've ever done before, I have no idea what my life will be like afterward - what my "new normal" will be. That's the part that scares me. Of course, I'm hoping to fall into the "best decision ever made" category of stories. But, there's always this fear that creeps into my head of "what if I'm trading one problem for a whole new one?" (such as: what if I do get rid of my horrible periods, only to have issues from the bladder surgery? Then, ultimately, my uterus wins - we've been fighting since I was 13.) I really am trying to think positive and prayer has certainly helped to bring me peace and comfort.

I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts out here in case anyone else felt the same way? I love having this forum to share and discuss feelings. Hoping for the best for all of us!

It's funny... My dad was an anesthesiologist and I grew up around hospitals, too. You'd think I'd at least be comfortable with that part. But I still hate them and never feel comfortable even visiting someone who is a patient. I've never been in hospital myself, never had any kind of surgery except outpatient procedures like having my wisdom teeth extracted, so for me there's a LOT of fear of the unknown.

I also have the same fears about what if I'm trading a familiar set of problems for a new set of unknown (and possibly worse) issues. I'm trying to think positive and trust that I'm going to be one of the ones who says it was the best decision I ever made, etc. But there's no way to know that for sure until we get there.

You mentioned the "new normal," which is a very familiar phrase to me from therapy and my suicide survivors support group. My husband took his life in March 2010. I was just *starting* to get a handle on what my new normal might be when I found out I needed to have surgery, and now I feel like the solid ground I'd finally made it to has turned to quicksand under my feet.

It's really good to have this place to share these feelings with people who get it and are going through the same thing.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster, too - you're certainly not alone. I think I'm primarily dreading the recovery period at this point, and I have a good surgeon, so there's really no need to worry a lot about possible complications, but there is that very slight chance. I'm so ready to stop bleeding out everything but calories (anybody else think that part's not fair, ), lug around my big, heavy , and being incredibly tired all the time. This "elective" surgery will keep me from risking kidney damage from long-term pressure on my ureters, bladder infections one right after another, organ damage from ongoing anemia, and being generally disabled. I'll be glad when it's over, but I have apprehension about how my body is going to respond.

Thanks for the thoughts! As always, it's good to know we're not alone in our thinking. This process has given me more "deep thoughts" than I think I've ever had in my life! Haha!

Fenchurch - I am so unbelievable sorry about the loss of your husband. You certainly have been through a lot the past year, with many adjustments to make. I am sending out many, many good vibes in your direction! It sounds like between here and your other support group, you have found positive ways to cope - what a blessing.

I should clarify one thing about hospitals - while I don't have a fear of them, I don't like being a patient in one of them! I've only ever stayed overnight after having a baby, but that is long enough for me. I prefer the comfort of my own bed, thank you very much! So, hopefully, my stay will be brief.

Positive energy to everyone!!! Thanks for listening...

Hi Sisters,
I am 4 weeks (tomorrow) post op. I can honestly say that I had the same fears going into my surgery. I was in the finally waiting room and my Dr. walked in to talk to me. He put me right as ease, it was incredible. I was at the point of running and his words spoken to me put me right at ease. I had had a pre op and everything went well. He was really happy with all the test results and that we were ready to go. I just put all my faith in the Dr.'s and nurses and I was out before I even knew it. I didn't even thing of recovery at this point. My fears were for the surgery. After the surgery, it wasn't easy. There were pains, there was sweating (from the meds), there was lack of sleep (again the meds), I even got infection that busted my incision open a little and has been oozing for 2+ weeks and had to go on iv antibiotics for 10 days. There were days that I thought "what did I go and do", and am I ever going to be normal again. The answer is yes. I am feeling human again, I am in no pain, I am doing more and getting more energy, I still have drainage but everything is positive about it. One thing is for sure, you are going to have a lot of help. Do things right so as to avoid a hernia. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I am starting my 4th week, and still have help, still cannot go grocery shopping yet, still have to rest....but am so grateful that everything is going well and that I am near the end of this. Everyone tells me that 6 weeks is the magic number and I am heading straight for it. My advice to you is expect all these things and just ride with it because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will be worth everything you have to go through. God Bless!

Thank You for the "reality" Nadia! I need to hear that as well. I will have lots of help and I've put the word out that I need to heal properly since I will only have ONE chance to do that - don't want to mess it up. My mom has been great to talk to as well since she had my same surgery 30 years ago. I'm prepared that it may take as long as 5-6 months to really feel like myself and to have my old energy back. What I'm trying hardest not to focus on are potential problems that I may never have, ya know?

I am having these same thoughts of............what will my "normal" be like & how long will it really be before I can do MY normal life activities?

I am so scared of being "out of the norm", being so inconvenienced by this whole ordeal, that I want to run away.
I DONT want a dang vertical scar.
I don't want to have to practically start over.
I don't want a simple shower make me so tired I need to lay down.
Don't want a sore, swelly belly for MONTHS.
I want to be able to feed my cat when he wants food.
I want to be able to lifts weights like I want and not have to wait it out for many MONTHS.
I want to be able to sit in a chair for hours and not have to "wait it out" for freaking 8 weeks to simply set at my desk for 8 hours a day.
I'm really angry right now about EVERYTHING.

And my family (not hubby) will not leave me alone and think their own life dramas are more important than giving ME time to get a grip on what's about to happen to me. No matter how I say I want time to myself, they won't allow it and I'm going to hurt someones feeling before this week is over and after my surgery.

I really want to scream right now.

Sorry, I'm ranting. I have to rant before I start crying here at work from the anger that has built up inside of me.

Mileena - I'm so sorry. Sounds like you are going through a lot and have a lot of people who love you TOO much (that they won't give you a break!). Is there any way your doctor can give you some kind of anti-anxiety meds to help get you through? I hope you are able to get some peace soon - that is no way to enter such a life-changing surgery. Many {{{HUGS}}} to you!

Mileena - I hear you loud and clear! I HATE the idea that it could take months to feel like myself again. I don't want to put my life on hold for that long. I had all kinds of fun things planned, including two trips, for the months of October - December, and now I'm wondering if I'll be able to do any of it. honkerblonkes me off and makes me very anxious.

I'm trying to focus on what's immediately ahead of me and let the future take care of itself. Some days that's easier than others.

Clairol, don't worry about what could happen. Focus on the positive. There is a reason why we had or are having this surgery. Our health was compromised in some way or another and we didn't have quality of life. Believe me when I tell you that I went through a time that I was so frustrated over all this. I am a mother to 3 teenage boys and a husband that I have done EVERYTHING for and I am relying on them to get it all done. I hated what I have put them through, seeing them struggle. I am a sensitive person so every bit of body language they dished out I took personally. I realized that they needed to vent their frustrations also, but all in all, they love me and want me to recover properly. They are doing great with the dishes and laundry and meals. Not so great with the cleaning, so I hired someone to clean. This way they don't have to do it and I can see a sparkling house that we once had. We are getting past it all quickly and I look forward to each and every new day....they seem to get better all the time.