Signs of Support from a Spouse

I'd posted before that my fiance was having a hard time with my upcoming hysterectomy. He 100% wants me to have it, but he's grieving the loss fo the dream of having children together and it's not something that's easy for him to talk about.

Through your support, you let me know that many, many spouses and partners have the same problem talking about the surgery and lending emotional support. That many men have the need to "fix" and that this is something they can't fix. Sometimes they'll do other things to try to show us they support us.

I thought it would be nice to have a thread about the "other" ways our spouses try to show us their love and support during this process. When I'm feeling a little on my own, it's good for me to see him doing something and realize it is his way of saying he loves me and supports me.

My fiance cooked dinner tonight. He wasn't feeling good, but he knew I was feeling bad. Breadsticks were included in the meal and, when he showed me the pan, he shaped the breadsticks out to spell "I Love U". I've never had anyone do that before.

AW! That's so sweet! That's a nice idea for a thread, full of positive things!

I've noticed that when I'm crying for "no reason" at all lately, or when I know it's related to something like my period (I flood, I've wrecked more clothes and undies than I can tell you and I will not miss it, but I cry because it's the last one- silly me!!!), and I rant about how silly of a thing it is to be THAT worked up over...he never agrees with me. And something so little as him disagreeing and saying to me that it makes sense...wow, it makes me feel much better on the inside.

The week before my pre-op appointment was HORRIBLE. I was a mess and spent the better part of that week crying in fear because the spectre of cancer had been brought up in the initial consultation.

When I'd start crying DH would open his arms to hold me without saying a word; I never had to ask for a hug because he always seemed to know when I needed one. I spent several hours crying in his arms and he never said anything about my constant crying except "it's ok, I'm here". Those four words were such comfort, they made me feel that I wasn't facing this alone.

As for the cancer scare... the suspicious ovarian cyst that caused my fears turned out to be a simple cyst.

Regslady, that is so sweet of your fiance to do that. I am sure he has fears too, you know? I cannot imagine the heartbreak you both are going through. You are in my thoughts.

My DH wouldn't let me lift a finger for the entire six weeks of my recovery. He wouldn't go back to work at his office until I could drive. I am 8 weeks post op and he is still fussing over me. He wasn't like this at all before the surgery, so it has been really nice.

My husband has never been the warm and fuzzy/cuddler type. He's tough and has to be, especially mentally/emotionally...he's a soldier in the Army, and is deploying for the third time shortly. He doesn't handle emotions well, at all, and tells me I think about it too much and I'm fine...when I'm clearly not. HOWEVER, he has been NOTHING but wonderful ever since I've had a surgery date and got things confirmed with the Dr. He asks me how I'm doing/feeling, if I need anything/help, if I want to cuddle/snuggle, and even does little things that mean to much without being asked to do so, etc! I asked him yesterday why he's being so nice to me, and he said he's always nice, which is true, but I wanted to know why he was extra nice and he said "Because I love you and I want you to feel better!" It warmed my heart. I actually asked him last night once we were in bed (and snuggling) how HE feels about it....about the actual surgery, not the situation and all the help we're getting...and he said it sucks (which is does) that I need surgery in the first place but is confident that my Dr is doing what's right and will do a great job (as do I) and that I will recover and truely be me again.

Guys are somewhat like us in that they all handle things their own way....sometimes it's more difficult, or not exactly how we'd like them to do it!