What do I say?

Can anyone give me any advice on how I answer the dreaded question of "are you going to have anymore children? "
I am 27 years old, married with a four year old son. I was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and had a procedure 7 weeks ago which also involved a hysterectomy. I am now in remission but for those who don't know ask me this question and it seems simple now to just say no but when I'm asked it I feel as if I have been put under a spotlight.
I wish people wouldn't ask that question, it's almost as rude as asking how old you are in my opinion.
Any tips would be hugely appreciated.
Love to all.
Elenna ( West Sussex England )

One reply is "my family is complete". And change the subject. Or just continue to say no. If you don't want to discuss the cancer, or hear advice about adoption, it's usually best to be brief and change the subject. "We are happy with our family now" may also work but if in fact you had wanted more children, these questions are even more painful. At my age I get asked why I don't have children. My response is "life doesn't always go according to plan", and if the push, I repeat it. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but I think most people are just trying to make conversation. Usually they don't realize it's a sensitive issue, so just giving a brief answer will do. On rare occasions I've had to repeat myself, then finally say, let's leave it at that, and change the subject. Being prepared helps get past the moment.

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Originally Posted by greyown One reply is "my family is complete". And change the subject. Or just continue to say no. If you don't want to discuss the cancer, or hear advice about adoption, it's usually best to be brief and change the subject. "We are happy with our family now" may also work but if in fact you had wanted more children, these questions are even more painful. At my age I get asked why I don't have children. My response is "life doesn't always go according to plan", and if the push, I repeat it. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but I think most people are just trying to make conversation. Usually they don't realize it's a sensitive issue, so just giving a brief answer will do. On rare occasions I've had to repeat myself, then finally say, let's leave it at that, and change the subject. Being prepared helps get past the moment.

Thankyou for your reply. I would have loved to have had more and went to the doctor at the beginning because me and my husband were having problems conceiving and we went to make sure there were no fertility issues. So to have been told after everyone saying "your thinking about it too much" and "when you stop trying so hard it will happen" that I had cancer came as a shock and I would need surgery which included the hysterectomy was very hard. It's also still fresh and I am very sensitive so feel like there is a hidden meaning behind someone's innocent comment so I do feel very uptight when I'm asked that question.
I find that they just don't take no for an answer and want the scoop.
Thanks again for your reply. Xx

"Not right now" may be more satisfactory for well meaning but nosy askers. You are from England it appears and so you are probably more worried about being impolite in your response. That may be enough to get folks off the subject as it satisfies the question without creating a debate over the whys and wherefores! Or you can say, "we are really enjoying our son right now" which I am sure you are too!
You will practice some replies and find one that seems to be most effective.

I have one child as well, 3 are in heaven. Whenever i get asked all those insensitve questions, my answer is "God gave me 1". If they persist, and a couple have, i usually say "take it up with God, and if He tells you differently let me know." Twice after saying that i just walked away. I seriously mean it, though my tone is different with strangers than closer friends or more appropriate settings. When you are thankful just to be alive and healthy, i dont waste time on rude questions!

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Originally Posted by supergrl "Not right now" may be more satisfactory for well meaning but nosy askers. You are from England it appears and so you are probably more worried about being impolite in your response. That may be enough to get folks off the subject as it satisfies the question without creating a debate over the whys and wherefores! Or you can say, "we are really enjoying our son right now" which I am sure you are too! You will practice some replies and find one that seems to be most effective.

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I'm from England but trust me lots of us don't talk the same way they act out in films! ..so I don't have a problem being blunt and have done on some occasions but would rather take a more casual answer rather then look uptight about the question which ive yet to do.
Most close friends know what's happened but you always get the odd few who have heard rumours and want to find the scoop at whatever cost.
Thankyou for your advice.

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Originally Posted by lovelifenow I have one child as well, 3 are in heaven. Whenever i get asked all those insensitve questions, my answer is "God gave me 1". If they persist, and a couple have, i usually say "take it up with God, and if He tells you differently let me know." Twice after saying that i just walked away. I seriously mean it, though my tone is different with strangers than closer friends or more appropriate settings. When you are thankful just to be alive and healthy, i dont waste time on rude questions!

I'm sorry for what you've been through and I'm glad you have your religion to turn to.
All the best.

I'm 35 and from the UK too and get fed up of that question, I had complications after my son was born nearly 5 years ago and was told in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't have anymore children. I just say that I have been blessed with my son and I'm more fortunate than some. It's very difficult

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Originally Posted by Supernanny1979 I'm 35 and from the UK too and get fed up of that question, I had complications after my son was born nearly 5 years ago and was told in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't have anymore children. I just say that I have been blessed with my son and I'm more fortunate than some. It's very difficult

Thanks for your reply! It's good to know that I'm not being over sensitive and others have felt this way too but also bad because I don't feel we should have to answer these sorts of questions.
Who's business is it to ask if me and my husband want to have more children? I've even had someone ask my four year old son if he wants a brother or a sister! You wouldn't ask someone you didn't really know how old they were so I don't think you should ask someone if they will be having more kids. If your a close friend then the chances are you will know my age and know my situation.
I really wish you all the best.
xx

I'm 42 and get asked all the time why I don't have kids. I just tell people that it's personal and none of their business. For some reason many people think they have the right to know these things but they don't unless you choose to share.

As for people who know me, well they don't need to ask. They already know the road I have traveled and are sensitive enough not to bring it up.