Only eight days to go - I'm flipping out!!!!

I have been battling all these awful health problems for about eight years now, and they've gotten progressively worse. All I could think of for the past three months was, when can I finally get my surgery and get this all over with?? Well, now it is coming up quickly, 3/20, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Sometimes I feel okay, even excited, thinking about how much better I'll feel after the surgery. But the past several days I have been obsessed with the thought that I won't wake up from surgery, or if I do, they will have found something life-threatening once they got in there.

Now that my mom is gone, I have no family left. I'm adjusting to that, but I have a 26 year old daughter who is autistic. I'm all she has in the world!! No one to love her or look after her if anything happens to me, and she is SO WORRIED. She just lost her grandma a little over a year ago, and it was due to really bad medical malpractice by an irresponsible doctor and medical center. She is afraid I won't be coming back, and every time I look at her I start to cry. Nothing can happen to me! It would be so wrong and so unfair. But, I can't shake this feeling that I will be one of the very few people who don't make it through surgery.

I've been trying hard to get things together around the house before I got to the hospital next week, and haven't made too much headway, mainly because all this worrying is just sucking the energy right out of me.

HELLLLLLLLLLP!!!

Hi there giofog,
I know just how you feel. My surgery is scheduled for 3/22 - I only went to the gyn last Friday!! At least I don't have too much time to think about it all. Do you have much support from friends?

My husband has been terribly uncommunicative about the whole thing, I don't know how he feels. On the other hand I haven't told him that I am scared witless. Like you, I am concerned that they might find something horrible! I have a fibroid that has grown rather dramatically in the space of three months and a funny looking cyst on my right ovary. The gyn didn't give me much choice in the matter, I'd had a hysteroscopy and D&C last Nov, he removed one of the 30 or so fibroids then (the others are intra mural).

As our op dates are much the same please keep in touch. I am on this message board on a daily basis at the moment.

Take care,

Diana

Sweet Gio,
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I too am very scared about what is going to happen in surgery. Even though I know that we will both be fine. The waiting is the hardest part, isn't that what we've been told. I too swing from being happy and ready to get it over with to omg what if something goes wrong!!!
Let's try and keep a positive attiude these next few weeks. I'll think of you often!!!!
Love Angeldolls Sandy

My hysterectomy is 6 weeks from today. I have good days when I am ok with the whole thing.. and other days that I am totally freaking out. I too worry about my children who still need me so very much. but listen, this surgery is, while still serious stuff is one that has the fewest risks... at least that is what I have heard... and just know that most things we worry about never come to pass... that is true about most things in life, not just medical stuff. Try, though I know how hard it is to focus on the good things that will happen when your surgery is all done and over with... and if you are a person of faith, trust God. I know I have been talking to him ALOT lately... though I always have had alot of communication with him. My dad died last year and my girls took it pretty hard. I am just trying to focus on the fact that NOTHING will go wrong and trust God, then also trust my doc who is pretty darn good at what he does... so I guess it all comes down to faith.
Hang in there and stay strong....
kara

Hey Gio (it's "Guns" from the chat room)--

I know how you feel. I have three young girls that I don't want to have to grow up without me, and while I am pretty confident that won't be the case, my mind has been playing dirty tricks on me.

I just woke up (10am in the morning, have to sleep in cuz I'm on the website all night), in a cold sweat because I was dreaming that I found my daughter in the bathtub in her cutest pink fuzzy bathrobe and she was blue and dead and I couldn't get the shower door open to get to her, and to make it worse, before I found her I had a premonition that she was in the bathtub not moving, but I ignored it, and only found her when I went downstairs to get water to fill up a portable bathtub to bathe someone else's baby, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah -- what the heck is that all about?

Anyway, my surgery is 3/27 (same as Angel - we're "twins") and I think that the wait is giving my mind too much time to think. I have my sonogram to see if I can keep ovaries in about 2 hours, so I plan to ask many questions and see if these crazy thoughts and dreams are alleviated by the answers. If they continue, however, I'll just have to spend more time reading everyone else's stories here and I'm sure that will take my mind off myself.

Hey, I wonder if anyone else has and will be glued to the computer till they're date?

Prayers and Love for you!

SueK

My heart breaks for you!!

In just a short amount of time, you have been through so much!

I know that you'll be just fine, and you are going to come through this surgery... Why, do i know this? Because, you are a very strong woman, and you have the strenght to make it through all this, and more...

Life, throws so much in our paths... But, by God's grace and mercy... he will see you through this surgery and so much more.

He, is always with you Gio!!! You'll be home before you know it!!!

Even, though we are miles and miles apart, you have all of us your sisters here, waiting on you to get home and tell us...That oh... it wasn't as bad as I thought...in Gio's sweet sense of humor... you, have even pulled me through some rough spots during my recovery....when i thought the walls were closing in on me!

And, we are all waiting to do the same for you ....that you have been here doing for others!

God Bless you and I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always!


sisterly love,
alisa

Gio,

I have not had my surgery yet! I to get thoughts, but they are quickly squelched by the thought that I will be just fine! That this is part of Gods will for me! Be it a painful one, he loves me and knows what is best for me!

He also knows what is best for you! He knows that you have a daughter that needs to be taken care of and won't let anything bad happen to you! He is a loving God and loves you!

The thoughts are just that, thoughts! Simply don't listen to them! When they come in, put on some loud music, play a game watcha a movie ANYTHING to get the thoughts to GO!!!
I will keep you in my prayers and you WILL be fine! Just trust in your doc and the Lord!
hugs

Giofog, I'm so sorry you've been through so much lately!

I want to share something with you that I realized when I was stressing out a couple of days ago. I had all these nightmare fantasies about everything that would go wrong during the surgery -- not for anyone else, just for me, 'cuz I'm special. I realized that deep down, I believed I was cursed, because of some really awful things I've experienced in my life -- so I believed that curse would make terrible things happen to me during surgery.

What I realized then was that I am NOT cursed. Sure, I've had my share of troubles, but who hasn't? And I have had some amazingly wonderful things happen to me in my life, some of which were sheer luck. I bet you have too.

So if those wonderful things can happen to you, then you can have a wonderful surgical experience too.

I still stress about what can go wrong, and I still go back and forth between excitement and terror and exhaustion. I think that's really normal. The waiting is our trial by fire -- it's part of how we earn our crowns!

Hope that helps. Hang in there!!

Melissa

Giofog,

I too am having surgery on the 20th and I know how you feel. My ups and downs are making a bit crazy too. I think you just have to say to yourself, this is the right thing to do for me and I can do this. I know we'll get through it and we will be better than ever. I will keep you in my prayers and it will be good to know that someone else is going to the castle on the same day I am. I wish you all the best. Hang in there!!

Denise

Hey Twin,

As our surgery date gets nearer remember you are not alone.

The world is so empty
if one thinks only of
mountains, rivers and cities;
but to know someone who
thinks and feels with us,
and who, though distant,
is close to us in spirit,
this makes the earth
for us an inhabitated garden.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



Hugs,

Lisa