DBF is gettin' squirrelly

Any suggestions? For the last couple of days, the DBF has been getting stranger and stranger. Not only is he moody, he's getting grouchy. We went to the grocery store last night to get a few things for next week, and he was cracking jokes and acting like his old self. We we got home and were unpacking everything, he started getting very quiet. I ended up having a major "power surge" during all this (stress???), and he just looked at me like I was an alien..... I realize and admit freely the hormones and emotions are having a field day right now, but it's tough handling mine and his too..... Is this behavior normal? What can I do to help him understand how scary this is?

Yes, it's normal. Guys don't usually do a good job showing their feelings, and they tend to keep things inside and don't want to talk them. He's worried, but doesn't want to admit it, also probably is thinking that he needs to be "strong" so he won't freak you out.

The only suggestion I have is try to talk to him and get him to tell you what he's thinking and feeling. He may not want to, in that case don't pressure him.

Best wishes!

Hi Cindy

I'm so sorry your DBF is acting so moody and grouchy right now when you feel like you need him the most. I went through this type of behavior from my DH.

My DH and I are usually very close and talk about everything with each other. He stood by me through a lot of surgeries and he developed a sort of pattern of behavior. As surgery approached he became more and more quiet (my DH is quiet to begin with so this was hard on me). Right before surgery, he usually went into silence. I new from experience not to try to force him to talk p it just didn't work.

As the surgeries have come and gone, we've talked quite a bit about his behavior. He says he becomes more and more stressed and worried about me, but doesn't want to let it show. I told him how hard it was on me and through the years we've come to a kind of understanding. We both handle stress differently and we need to accept each other the way we are.

It is very hard for a man to understand especially this surgery - just think back to all the questions you've had. You can try to talk to him, but don't take it as personal if he is not talkative. He may be as scared as you are.

You might want to check out the Aching Heart forum here on the site and see what help the ladies there have to folks like yourself.

Here is a link to it:

https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/for...p?s=&forumid=8

I hope this helps a little.

Sending you a big

Patty

Oh, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this, it is an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Here's my opinion having drug my DSw (dear sweetie) through 5 or six surgeries.

Part of his quietness may be because he is scared for you. He probably feels powerless because he knows you aren't well or are suffering and he can't do a darn thing to make it better for you. Perhaps when you are not at home there is enough distraction so he can look beyond the feelings your upcoming surgery brings about in him, but once back home it's all there looking him in the eyes.

I'm only making these comments from my own DSw's behaviour over the years. At one point we realized I could have bled to death and he has been right beside me at every doctor's appointment since then. He wanted to fix me and make me better, but all I wanted was for him to be himself and take my mind of things for a while.

The TAH was the biggie and we both knew it. It helped him a great deal to go to my doctor's appointment and be able to ask the doctor questions. I also shared with him things I'd read on this site. Like "Oh ya know I was reading that website I've been going to about this, and someone said ... blah blah blah." I'd try to read some things to him that would make him realize I wasn't goin nuts.

Take him to the doctor with you, print of some HS posts and leave em conviently lying around the house. I'm sure he already knows this is scary stuff to you ... and he's probably a bit scared for you himself. Men just kinda show their emotions differently.

BSQ