One year and still living with a fistula

Hi ladies,

well cant believe its been a year and im still living with my fistula...now it has a nasty brother-colovesical fistula....which means hole from my colon to my bladder....lucky lucky me....today is actually a good day for me....because sometimes i feel is this really real and why is this even happening to me..i mean wth did i do to deserve all of this....but anyway, not trying to get a pity party....
i go see my gyn onc next wed so he can tell me if it can be fixed...im thinking since the bladder cant be, the colon probably wont be able to be fixed either...at this point, i actually want a sh*T bag....because that sure is better than doing it thru my vajayjay....
a blessing would be that i havent had any infections......bc i hear it can be dangerous....just trying to keep that area super clean and am currently taking antibiotics because of the bladder fistula....still on chemo...asked the nurse on wednesday i thought a dead tumor was taken out so i dont understand why the "cancer" is still causing wreckage in my body...well she said there could be some cells left...i guess they are having a ball in my body...
grateful that im rarely in pain...grateful for having strength most days to get out of bed and play with "my" doggie, and grateful that i was able to go to brunch with my whole family last sunday....
starting watching the "Secret" again because im wondering if im sabottaging (sp) my healing....its like i should be happy but then its reminding me that i shouldnt be completely happy....my body is equally healing and deteriorating at the same time....what in the world?

anyway ladies, i know its been super quiet here...so i hope everyone here is leak free and healing just fine and living life....i just wanted to check in...

love
madentiwon

Hi Mad. I am doing really great and think I am cured. I cannot believe it!! I will lift you up in prayer especially tomorrow at church for healing and recovery and strength. You are very courageous.
Love You,
Lori in NY

Lori, oh that is wonderful!!!you are one amazing woman!!!!! God bless! And thank you for your prayers!!!!!
Love u too,lady!
Madentiwon

mad, I am so sorry to hear about the additional fistula. I would probably want a poop bag as well. You are in my thoughts often.

Hugs

THanks homelight....how r u doing these days? I hope well. I go c a colorectal surgeon nxt wk so hopefully he can tell me something good! also pray for a clean scan on fri!! Still hopeful!

Hello ladies,

It is so nice to hear from you.
Lorilee, glad to hear you are finally leak free. It takes a while to get used to, but I hope you are getting your normalcy back.
Home, goo to hear from you. I still think of you often. I hope things are getting even better for you.
Mad, you know I am always thinking of you. I am so sorry you are still going through this. You know we are hear for you. I hope the colorectal surgeon can give you some relief. It would be wonderful if you get a good scan. I look forward to the day you can say you are cancer free. I hope you have been able to keep your spirits up through all of this. I know you probably don't feel like you are, but you are so strong! I know it has been pure hell.

Let us know what the doctor says about your fistula and let us know about your scan. I will be praying it is all good news.

It looks like there is a new group of ladies on here dealing with fistulas. I have tried to welcome them and offer them strength through this journey. We all know how difficult it can be.

Hugs and prayers to all.

Al