Sex concern Anyone Single feel same way?

I have never been married and no kids, I'll be 40 in april. I have not been in a relationship for about 1 1/2 years now.

I have always been a very sexual person. I am scared to death when I finally do meet someone because my body has changed.

wondering if anyone else out there is single and not in a sexual relationship and feeling the same way?

Hi vgtigger,
I'm 39 and single, no kids. I'm not in a relationship right now, but I'm about to go on a trip to see my boyfriend who I haven't seen in 8 months. I'm REALLY nervous about having sex, what if I can't do it, what if I hurt myself. It's hard to explain these things to the guys! I know exactly how you are feeling, I actually had these thoughts but didn't think that anyone else had the same feelings. Nice to know I'm not alone! Take care and best of luck to you!

Ladies, you are going to be fine. Try not to psych yourself out...that will only add to the "issue". I am single, 39, was really scared about it, was cleared by my doctor (I'm 6 wks post-op), and just let me tell you that all is well. My bf & I have confirmed that it all still works (and to top it all off, we had "never" before my surgery!). I know it's easier said than done, but try and relax, have a sense of humor, and if you are still uncomfortable, ask your doctor.
I hope that will encourage you a little bit.
s to all!

Vgtigger,

Yes, I'm 34, married once, divorced, I haven't had a relationship in a while either and I feel the same. I kind of feel like I"m damaged goods...plus I'm fighting cancer right now so that intensifies the feeling. I'm a very sexual person too and I can't imagine having sex again. I think I'd be afraid to. I had a radical so they took 1/3 of my vagina, and the thought is kind of gross.

I agree to not worry about it too much....in my case, I try to see the positives in the situation....hey a shorter vagina means tighter lol...plus there is no more worry about pregnancy....I think you'll know when the time is right..me too....my advice would be to relax and maybe try some self stimulation and see how that goes. I haven't tried yet but I think it might help me. Good luck....

44, single and been going it alone for quite some time. i hate to say this, but for me, it feels like there's a big difference between having sex with someone who went through all of this with you and starting a new relationship. things can be awkward enough with a new guy but having the first time with a new guy also be the first time post op feels really rather overwhelming to me. and yes, perhaps i am psyching myself out but perhaps i'm just being realistic. for me, i fear it could get both scary and emotional. now don't get me wrong...i enjoy sex...but i'm with the gals who are feeling somewhat concerned and uneasy about it. not seeing any likelihood of any actions any time soon, so i guess i won't have to deal with it yet. *grin*

happy healing sisters.

Vtigger, you haven't given your body anywhere near enough time to snap back yet. You have a lot of time when things will, yes they will, improve a LOT lookswise. I didn't feel like I looked that sexy either at that time. You're a baby in your recovery compared to my May 9th surgery. I had the world's worst swelly belly with a 'muffin top'
shape over a very tight incision. I called it a shelf and zillions of sisters responded to say they had it too and other sises were quite comforting and said to be patient, it does go away. It really does. I still have some but not half as bad. In the meantime, you might try to "amuse yourself" before deciding anything about dating anybody, and that will allow you to see that things are actually functioning just fine. As for looks, believe me, you just won't believe how much things are going to improve. My oldest (in years) friend had a vertical hyst incision years ago after three childeren which left a large scar and she is quite a big girl, and she found love again in her mid-fifties, and her husband is six years younger, has a great job, is funny and a fox. I knew him when he was with his first wife, a tiny beauty, who was super nice but did not enjoy sex at all, (now that I know the whole story). How did Ms. Right get this guy? She is the earthiest woman I know, and thinks that sex is a lot of fun. And men like to know that they are pleasing YOU. When you really act pleased (and direct them nicely to show them what you like if you actually need to act pleased because I don't mean acting in the traditional sense), your man will be totally aroused to see what a great effect he has on you. It's a very powerful aphrodesiac to them to find a women who really seems turned on by them. Last year I went to a girly erotic party and the women who was showing the items was getting married in a week. She had lost over a hundred and fifty pounds and had a lot of extra skin, but that wasn't slowing her down. She personally owned every darn gadget, cream, powder, and tickly feather thing in the catalog and was showing which things she was taking on her honeymoon. Again, a very earthy woman, with a good ten years on you. In the meantime, don't worry so much about looks, believe me that will change. Mederma will help if you find your scar too bright, but it will probably never show if it's in your crease. Now work on those scars inside, Sis, 'cause you're going to be beautiful outside. You'll see. Love, Asta

This saids it! I wasn't sure how to adequately put into words my feelings, and this is it.... Thanks for sharing

"it feels like there's a big difference between having sex with someone who went through all of this with you and starting a new relationship. things can be awkward enough with a new guy but having the first time with a new guy also be the first time post op feels really rather overwhelming to me."

	Quote:
Originally Posted by newyorkgal 44, single and been going it alone for quite some time. i hate to say this, but for me, it feels like there's a big difference between having sex with someone who went through all of this with you and starting a new relationship. things can be awkward enough with a new guy but having the first time with a new guy also be the first time post op feels really rather overwhelming to me. and yes, perhaps i am psyching myself out but perhaps i'm just being realistic. for me, i fear it could get both scary and emotional. now don't get me wrong...i enjoy sex...but i'm with the gals who are feeling somewhat concerned and uneasy about it. not seeing any likelihood of any actions any time soon, so i guess i won't have to deal with it yet. *grin* happy healing sisters.

Thanks all for your words. I know it seems crazy to be concerned when there is no man in site, but it is something that has been on my mind, I don't even know my body any more and just feel like for me will be an issue guarding against meeting someone new. Guess I have to work through the issue. or as some suggested....experiment... I don't even think I could do that!

Newyorkgal, you said it for me, too. I'm 46 and during the years I dealt with all my pre-hyst problems, dating was the last thing on my mind. (It was enough for me to just stay awake.) Now, even just 2+ wks post-op, I feel a lot better than before and have even lost a few pounds, but now I have this vertical scar. When I try to imagine revealing it to a new guy while learning to work my "new" body...like you said, the thoughts are awkward and a bit too overwhelming for me to handle right now.

Some years back, I considered dating a guy who wanted kids. I felt I was already too old and probably infertile anyway and was afraid he couldn't deal with that. But then it occurred to me: I'm dealing with it! Why can't he? A guy who wants kids can't be a guy who wants me, so I moved on.
Now, I just have to apply that same sassy attitude to this scar...

I am single also, (41) and I have to tell you to read the book, "Sex and the Seasoned Woman", by Gail Sheehy. It's quite the awakening. The dating scene isn't like it used to be. I had dropped out of dating, to raise my kids, for 6 years, and have been trying to date throughout all this. It's been hard. I too have to say you might want to do some self-exploration if you are worried.