Question about your Significant Other

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Originally Posted by pednor village Since I discovered that I needed a hysterectomy by husband has had a personality change. He does not wish to discuss it at all. I tend to do most things for the family and he normally helps around the house. Now he waits for me to ask for things to be done then expects a medal for all that he completes. I work full time as does he. I have spent the whole weekend running around, washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning and he has done very little. I am exhausted and really fed up. I am dreading what it is going to be like when I get out of hospital. Has anyone else had this experience with their husbands and how did you cope with it??

Mine is the same way. It sucks and he will either change his tune drastically after the surgery or he won't. Right now I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's scared and doesn't know what to expect and he has never been very good about talking about his feelings so I'm hoping that he's just not dealing with all of this very well.

Pednor, I'm so sorry your hubby isn't being helpful. I hope he changes his ways here soon!

My hubby doesn't ask a whole lot of questions, but I do tend to tell him whether he wants to know or not, lol!

He does get VERY squemish about pictures of my insides. I have had 5 laps, I think it was number three he passed out cold standing up. My doc was talking to me in recovery, and showing us pics of what was going on.... I heard the rattling and sucking noise behind me, turned around and there the poor guy was, out cold hung up on an IV rack! My doc had this look of utter disbelief on his face, like HE didn't know what to do with an unconscious man, lol!

He wanted to know everything. He was just as scared as I was. He went on every appointment with me and asked just as many questions.

I emailed him a video of the procedure from youtube and he didn't care to see it...lol

my DH didn't want to know much... just when it was, where it was, how much the ins would cover and when i was coming home... altho he did read the pamphlet from my pre-op (my mom went to pre-op w/ me)... after my surgery he did the 3 days worth of dishes (from the day of op to the day i came home) and 3 days of laundry the day i came home, and did some the week after... then it was up to me to do it or find my own help.. and when i did find help he got mad and said we weren't a charity case. i'm one of those that wants things done when i think they need to be & it makes me nuts to have things sit and not get done. DH would let the dishes pile up for 2 or 3 days and the laundry too... now that i am back to work he has gotten even worse... i'm sure this wasn't much help but know there are others dealing with it as well....

hope things get better for you!

tink

My Husband spent an hour last night on the phone telling his parents about the new mountain bike he just got But Failed to mention that His wife is having a hysterectomy in a week and a half... we've talked a little bit about it and he has researched a little bit on the web but i get the feeling that he's feeling more like if he doesn't go there nothing bad will happen ... Men do not deal with fear the way we do ( oftin head on) I Think that For most men floating down the river of Denial is their way of taking on something that their unsure about...
I Wish i had better advise for you but all i can say is stay strong and good luck with it!
You are not alone on this one either!

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Originally Posted by amys1 Mine is the same way. It sucks and he will either change his tune drastically after the surgery or he won't. Right now I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's scared and doesn't know what to expect and he has never been very good about talking about his feelings so I'm hoping that he's just not dealing with all of this very well.

Mine is pretty much right there with the two of yours. If I bring it up, he changes the subject, he is starting to act like I have a contagious disease, and is avoiding being around me more, at least that is how it seems to me. He will talk about it if I force him to, or yell, but that is the extent. The last conversation we had about it was something to the effect of he didn't really know why I was making a big deal about it. He figures I'll be down and out for a few days and then back to normal.

If fact, he is already thinking of things I can do to help HIM while I have all this time off work.

Dear Everyone,

Thank you so much your comments have made me feel much better. I guess he is just worried and doesn't know how to deal with it. Such a shame as he has been a fantastic husband for the past 27 years! Hopefully things will improve once the operation is over. I am used to looking after the whole family and sorting out problems daily. I guess it would have been nice for someone to take over this role for a short while but it isn't going to happen. I guess thats why I have been obsessively cleaning the house and completing tasks so that they have less to do whilst I am out of action. How strange that life seems to just tick along and a silly health issue can change everything! Good luck eveyone and thanks for your support.

hang in there....I wish I could rent my husband to all of those that have "less then supportive" people surrounding them. My husband has been awesome thru this whole thing...very understanding and in some ways can't wait for the opportunity to take care of me. I've nursed him thru 2 motorcycle accidents and double hernia surgery...he says he "owes" me...I don't feel like that at all....we're in this relationship together...27 years worth.

Hugs all around and I wish each of you the best thru the coming weeks of your surgery and recovery and I hope that someone in your life treats you like the princesses you are!!

I was lucky....my hubby went with me to every appointment. He heard all of my options. He was totally supportive of the choice we made. His mother had recently had a hyst so he was pretty well educated on a lot of things. Even now...he still doesn't like me lifting.

My dh just wanted to know how long before I could have sex again...... Oh, and he pointed out that I was having abdominal surgery NOT oral surgery.