It's out of my Hands!!! :-)

Hi Everybody it is almost Friday!

I had my pre-op visit yesterday and although I was floating around on Hystersisters, I was so exhausted to post!

I had a rough few days, as I had only from Jan 5th to get used to the idea I was having an LSH BSO on Jan 14th. I was walking around with the constant feeling I needed to throw up. I was really struggling with the BSO.

A couple of months ago I had an Ultra Sound that said the ovaries looked goodm I had bloodwork that looked good, they even said I was ovulating and although I am not having babies, my school of thought is "If it ain't broke...why fix it?" Why take functioning ovaries? Of course I do not know what's going on inside at this time...yes my Mother had Ovarian Cancer...when I realized they would not give me the genetic test, I asked my mom to take it, (hey her genes do not change just because she's been cleaned out!) her test came back negative for the gene! But the Doc told me he cannot justify saving my ovaries!

I mentioned here I have 4 abnormalities in the breasts(?) my followup to the same genetic testing I was supposed to have (for my ovarian risk) is in Feb. Depending on the results of genetic testing they would have advised me after that, what to do with these nodules and Calcification.

I realized I am having a hyst on friday the doc wants to take my ovaries put me on HRT...my breast specialist should know about this! I called, her nurse called me and said "we cannot recommend HRT to Breast Cancer Patients" I said I am not a breast cancer patient...and "she said "we have not been able to determine from the views what we are looking at"

I asked her about the soy and she said the same "we cannot recommend soy to our patients" I don't know if she means patients with or without ovaries, or just breast patients!

I struggled with this, I cried and cried and prayed so hard..."Please Lord, just show me a sign, show me what it is I need to do, I do not want my ovaries gone"

On Tuesday night...I went to the prayer section here on Hystersisters, I posted a prayer request. At that time there were no replies, but I had read a poem "Dimples" posted a link for. "Read prior to surgery" (I think it said!)

It was beautiful, and I was so touched, because often people would think when they are having surgery "pray for me" or "Lord watch over me" but there was a print on the page (I had never seen before) of the Lord watching the doctor, touching the docter watching his hands and work.

I was so moved! I realized I was so worried...because I had not told the doctor how I felt and I was dreading the surgery, even though I knew it would bring relief to the constant suffering and deterioration, the quality of my life had become!

On wednesday I went to the dr's office 1st for the pre-op.

I told him "I do not feel at this time I want to take the ovaries...I feel if I am super vigilant and perhaps go for regular ultrasounds, at this time I am wanting to leave then in! We can always go back in, but once they are gone, I can't get them back! At this time the breast doctor says I should not be on hormones, and yet my ovaries are going to go. Many women start with no hormones and then find they need it, many women start with them and wean off, but if you take my ovaries, and I can't use HRT I have no recourse" and he did not really look happy, he told me that would increase my Ovarian risk, but he would do it.

I then told him of course if anything looks amyss (sp?), with the ovaries do not think twice, and take them. But if there is a cyst take the cyst and save the ovaries/ovary if only one looks good, or even a part of one!

He wrote on the paerwork LSH possible BSO!

So it is in God's hands, I may possibly lose the ovaries, but at this point I am not as sick going into this as I was. I was on the verge of puking at any given moment! This site made me realize, I wasn't ready to lose my ovaries and to speak up! If I do lose them it is not because I did not speak up...it is because they really have to go. I am ok with that!

The Best Part ??????

After the Dr's office we (DH and I headed to the hospital) For ekg, chest xray, bloodwork, paperwork. As we were walking in I was talking about hystersisters, and the women, the support the indispensible information from sharing, and venting was just so incredible. We were walking through the halls to where I needed to go for ekg,and I was telling him about the poem I read on this site, with the beautiful print about God touching and watching over the surgeon, doing his handiwork. I was so moved, I started to cry, my dh put his arms around me and smiled, we rounded the corner and entered, pre-op. There on the wall was the print I was talking about. My mouth dropped open dh looked at me, all I could say was "That's it!" he looked and he understood. That was my sign.

What a Blessing...this site and all that it stands for! The women who heal and stay on. The women who can't heal, yet heal others through their sharing! My heart goes out to all of the women pre-op & post-op, women who struggle with pain after numerous surgeries. How beautiful you all are!

For those of us who fear (as I did) we will ever be "less than" after the surgery...all we need to do is look at the beautiful sisters here who gave up the uterus, and joined the sisterhood of hystersisters.com! I Love You!

I could never have functioned with this news without you all here!

I was scheduled for 11:00 and I was supposed to be there at 9:am. I got a call today that they bumped it to 9:15 and I had to be there at 7:45. As if the surgery had not happened fast enough! :-)

See you when I get back from the castle...I will keep you all in my prayers!
Love & Light, Tee

PS, Because my surgery was such short notice, tonite DH came home with a crown for me! :-) Am I supposed to wear it in the castle (I am thinking I should)??? Or just when I get home form the castle?

DH said "You should where it into surgery" (teehee) I asked "Under or over the shower cap?" :-

Best wishes Tee! I look forward to hearing all about your trip to the castle when you are home and up to it! I pray that everything goes well for you! s

Deb

Hi Tee,

I had seen the same post with the Lord guiding the dr before my surgery and it is reassuring to know that He is there.

I am glad that you have a wonderful DH. Please let him know that he is appreciated. I also have a great DH, but from reading the other posts on this site not all women are as lucky. Enjoy that crown anytime that you want to wear it.

I will be keeping you in my prayers tomorrow.

Best wishes,

Judy

Tee,

Sorry I missed sending best wishes to you before you went to the hospital. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight.

We'll see you on "the other side"! (Post-op board) I'd love to see the link for that poem when you feel better.

Sara