HysterSisters.com is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.
Our community is filled with women who have been through the
Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators.
HysterSisters.com is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.
With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.
You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
|
|
help dealing with family???
|
05-03-2004, 09:35 AM
|
Guest
|
|
Posts: 98
Hysterectomy: September 13th, 2004
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
help dealing with family???
Hi sisters. I'm not sure anyone can help with this, but I thought I would throw it out there for suggestions because I really need some help here.
DH and I are headed to my sister's to see my nephew graduate. My family will be there and lately I have been feeling more and more that my mom and sister (usually my greatest sources of support and comfort) that they just do not get it. And while I understand that they can't get it because they are not living it, I feel like they are not even trying to understand. I mean, they could try to think what it must be like to be in my shoes. Is it so hard to imagine never having had their children and having any chance to have a child taken away from them? Is it so hard that they can't just take ONE lousy, stinking minute and think of how they would feel if it was them having to go through all this CRAP?! How hard can it be to try to tap into a tiny bit of empathy and tell your daughter and sister you are sorry she is having to go through this??? I'm not asking for them to understand it all, but I sure as heck would like a little bit of empathy! The LAST thing I need is to be told "well now honey you know you should have done this years ago and then you wouldn't be in as much pain." Gee thanks, Mom, the pain is MY fault because I didn't jump onto the OR table years ago screaming for my reproductive organs to be cut out! Thanks so much for the comfort! It ISN'T my fault!!! And who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do and when I should do it???!!!??? No one has that right! Its a good thing the censors are on because at this point I am angry enough to be cursing a blue streak.
I am very, very angry with them, but don't want to ruin our time together since we are rarely ever all together since I live in Canada and they are still in the States. We are far enough apart geographically, I don't want us to be apart in every other sense. Besides, I love them dearly and don't want a gulf between us. We are a very close family otherwise. Why is this issue so difficult?
Does anyone have any suggestions about how to explain all of this to them so that they have a better chance of understanding and I am not angry with them? Does anyone have any suggestions about how to put aside my anger and disappointment with them? Maybe I am too close to it and my DH could say something to them about it? My mother just adores DH and I know she would listen to him and maybe take what he says to heart, but I just don't know what else to try at this point.
Any ideas???
Thanks, sisters. s
|
Sponsored Links
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
05-03-2004, 10:54 AM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 18
Hysterectomy: May 26th, 2004
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
help dealing with family???
I'm so sorry that you are having this problem with your family. I sort of know how you feel. Since my doctor and I have decided to go ahead with my surgery, I have not felt all the support I thought I would get from my family either. My husband only wants to know if I'm going to become a witch, gain, weight and will sex still be the same. My mother had her surgery back in the stone ages when it was totally awful and thnks this is the end of the world for me. My paraprofessional thinks I should get another opinion.(I have gotten 4) Lord help us. When does this insensitivity end. Sorry for rambling.
Now to your delema. I think you should take a little time during your visit to clamly sit your mom and sister down and try to explain to them all the feeling you are having. You husband could be there to offer moral support to you and back you up. Maybe they have never stopped to think of how their comments sound to you. I would let them know. They need to be more aware of what and how they say things to you. If being nice doesn't help, let them have it. Sometimes the harsh reality of things is all people understand. Good Luck!
|
|
05-03-2004, 11:46 AM
|
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 6,053
Hysterectomy: February 5th, 2002
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
|
|
help dealing with family???
It is possible that they really don't realize how unsympathic they are being. A heart to heart discussion with them couldn't hurt, could it?
Also there are a lot of posts here that deal with the emotional side of a hyst. Maybe you could print some out and share with them, and tell them that that is how you are feeling. If you go to the Aching Hearts forum for example. I'd like to believe that your Mom and sister really don't know how to deal with it, and need your guidance.
Hope you can work it out with them.
Best wishes.
|
Sponsored Links
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
05-03-2004, 12:25 PM
|
HysterSister
|
|
Posts: 517
Hysterectomy: September 12th, 2003
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
|
|
help dealing with family???
Hello my Canadian sister. Maybe you should just tell them what you just told us. It seems clear to me from reading your post how you feel, so maybe they just don't realize how you feel, and like others have said, don't realize they are being unsympathetic. I'm sure they care very deeply for you, and are probably very concerned about this surgery. Maybe this is their way of dealing. Everyone deals differently, and denial works for some. Before I had my hyst all my sister said was, "Wow, I can't believe you don't want any kids" Well, I have learned over my 32 years to take everything my sister says with a grain of salt or two, so I didn't put too much stock into what she said. But it did make me realize how she totally does not know what I have gone through or why I had to have this. It is certainly not about wanting or not wanting kids.
I hope you can work things out with your family, and get them to know what you are feeling. We are always here for you whenever you need someone who really understands - someone who's been there.
's
Shelley
P.S. Where in Ontario are you? I'm in London.
|
|
Similar Threads
|
From This Forum |
From Other Forums |
5 Replies, Last Reply 06-22-2009, Started By BlueEyedWonder 13 Replies, Last Reply 06-13-2008, Started By vcille 5 Replies, Last Reply 01-27-2008, Started By Clark19311 2 Replies, Last Reply 10-21-2007, Started By Rwey82704 38 Replies, Last Reply 03-19-2007, Started By singinintherain 12 Replies, Last Reply 07-05-2004, Started By sorchakitty 10 Replies, Last Reply 10-07-2002, Started By Wazocat 3 Replies, Last Reply 04-15-2002, Started By taralee 4 Replies, Last Reply 09-07-2001, Started By BettyK 4 Replies, Last Reply 09-01-2001, Started By TweetyBoone |
2 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 11 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 9 Replies, Aching Hearts 3 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 7 Replies, No Uterus - No Ovaries - No Hormones - Managing Menopause 4 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 11 Replies, Aching Hearts 7 Replies, Cancer Concerns - GYN 3 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) 3 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy) |
|
Advertisement
Hysterectomy News
TODAY'S EVENTS
Calendar -
Hysterectomies -
Birthdays
Request Information
I am a HysterSister
Your Hysterectomy Date
$vbulletin->featuredvideos is not an array!
Advertisement
Advertisement
|