To well - meaning friends: I DON'T CARE WHO YOU KNOW THAT HAD A HYSTERECTOMY

Hi there sisters
Thank goodness for this post!
I've just woken up from a hot sweat (it's 5.30am in Australia) - this is a new addition to my recovery woes, and was feeling the exact same way yesterday evening
It started with a doctor who I don't normally see but couldn't get in to my regular GP who was basically questioning my need for additional pain mefication - despite me never having taken prescription pain medicine in my life. Apparently I should be further along in my recovery! That visit ended in tears and me feeling bad about myself for not being tougher
Then there's all those well intentioned people who ask me how I am and when I respond discover that they actually had already formed an opinion of how I should be - which is further along than I am
This lead to hours of me questioning myself last night searching for reasons why I am not further along
Not to mention the thoughtless people who have told me that even though 39 is young I should be grateful I have one child, this statement is ridiculous, my medical issues have caused me to have miscarriages at varying lengths of pregnancy which were dark and heart breaking times of my life
Yes of course I am truly blessed and forever thankful for the gift that is my daughter but to suggest that my inability to have anymore children despite trying is ok is ridiculous
Thank god for this site - thank you to all of you that have commented
I almost feel as though the way I feel and the recovery I'm making is valued and I have permission to be exactly where I am at
Oh and it's my birthday today - I've turned 40
This isn't exactly how I envisaged spending christmas or my birthday
God bless all of you out there and thank you for the difference you all make in each of our lives everyday
For all of you feeling discouraged by your recovery - be reminded of that x

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Originally Posted by Hday062513 i was very active and looked good before my hyster, so EVERYONE, including my gyn, gyn/onc, relatives, friends, people i hardly knew, would tell me, "oh, you'll be fine!", "you'll be back to doing everything in a couple of weeks!", "if anyone can do this, that's you!" i was soooo frustrated. oh, and this one, "you're strong and a fighter, you'll beat it!" i wanted to scream! I was so messed up after the surgery, i couldn't go up 1 stair for a week. I remember waking up each morning amazed that i'm still alive. I couldn't believe how messed up my body was and how long the recovery was taking. At 8 wks post op i was still finding lose stitches inside that were razor sharp, which were supposed to be dissolved by then. I told my husband at one point that if one more person asked me how i felt with that look on their face that indicates they are only expecting "great!" as an answer, i was going to hurt them or at least yell back, "i feel horrible! this is horrible! no, i'm not going to win the best quickest healing award!" My husband's response was, "hon, nobody cares!" i tried to avoid people at all cost.

I am so thankful that I'm not alone on this!

My other favorite is, "you should feel great now that you don't have to worry about the cancer". Oh, okay...sorry, I'll pretend I'm not in pain because I should be happy. Yeah, that's like telling someone who loses a limb that they should be thankful they didn't lose all their limbs.

People should just stay quiet instead of saying something stupid.

Thank you all for having the courage to say what I have been thinking! Its so nice to know i'm not the only one!

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Originally Posted by ginger69 Guess I should clarify that I too have done way to much since Christmas so I shouldn't laugh. Just frustrating. I am supposed to return to work Thurs and really having anxiety about it

No, you can laugh.

Laugh or cry. I'd rather laugh because crying makes my head hurt.

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Originally Posted by Tiffanyfox Hi there sisters Thank goodness for this post! I've just woken up from a hot sweat (it's 5.30am in Australia) - this is a new addition to my recovery woes, and was feeling the exact same way yesterday evening It started with a doctor who I don't normally see but couldn't get in to my regular GP who was basically questioning my need for additional pain mefication - despite me never having taken prescription pain medicine in my life. Apparently I should be further along in my recovery! That visit ended in tears and me feeling bad about myself for not being tougher Then there's all those well intentioned people who ask me how I am and when I respond discover that they actually had already formed an opinion of how I should be - which is further along than I am This lead to hours of me questioning myself last night searching for reasons why I am not further along Not to mention the thoughtless people who have told me that even though 39 is young I should be grateful I have one child, this statement is ridiculous, my medical issues have caused me to have miscarriages at varying lengths of pregnancy which were dark and heart breaking times of my life Yes of course I am truly blessed and forever thankful for the gift that is my daughter but to suggest that my inability to have anymore children despite trying is ok is ridiculous Thank god for this site - thank you to all of you that have commented I almost feel as though the way I feel and the recovery I'm making is valued and I have permission to be exactly where I am at Oh and it's my birthday today - I've turned 40 This isn't exactly how I envisaged spending christmas or my birthday God bless all of you out there and thank you for the difference you all make in each of our lives everyday For all of you feeling discouraged by your recovery - be reminded of that x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Tiffanyfox!!!!

This site is wonderful. Everyone is different and every surgery is different, you are healing at YOUR pace.

It is so insensitive for someone to tell you that you should be thankful you have a daughter. ..OF COURSE YOU ARE....THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OKAY THAT YOU HAD TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY! !!!! Good grief...Some people need to be seen and not heard.

I'm praying that every day is better than the last for all of us. Healing takes time...There are no hard rules for how long it takes each of us and we shouldn't make ourselves feel bad about needing more time, more meds or more understanding.
Hugs!!!

Thank you for posting this. I have been judging my recovery on all those well-meaning friends so much that I have questioned EVERYTHING about my recovery.

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Originally Posted by Sanny1234 Hi my fellow sisters. I need to rant, sorry. I am 11 days post - op from my Da Vinci TVH. Removed uterus, cervix, both tunes and right ovary due to endometrial cancer and benign tumor on my right ovary. I have been a little disappointed in my slow recovery compared to some of my other sisters and verbalized this to a couple of friends. Now, all I keep hearing is, "my aunt had a hysterectomy and she was fine after 2 weeks", "my friend at work was 30 when she had hers and she felt great afterward", etc. Really???? So what? This is MY hysterectomy and I'm not skipping down the steps on day 11. Sorry, I guess I don't win the competition of quick recovery that other women did. I love the people in my life, I am blessed beyond what I deserve but I'm really tired of the women in my life, who have NOT gone thru this comparing me to other people they know or even worse, comparing my ordeal to when they gave birth!!! What is wrong with people and insensitivity? I'd like support, not judgment or competition over who went thru more pain. So frustrating and really getting close to telling people off. Most women (in my life)who haven't been faced with this don't even realize that "hysterectomy" is such a generic term and not an actual definition of what "parts" are removed. I apologize for sounding like a witch....I'm just so frustrated and needed to vent to people who can understand. Am I just being too sensitive? Ugh. I hope all are well and those still recovering are feeling good. Hugs to all!

Fear not, you are neither a witch nor a raving lunatic! I was lucky not to have anyone tell me or even infer that i should be so much further along in recovery than i was back then. Stay strong and heal at your own rate, nothing wrong with slow and steady. We all get there in the end, hares and tortoises alike.

Touché sisters!! I am sick of hearing " my xxxx had the same procedure (when they don't know what I had) and they flew to Paris a week later for vacation" or some variation of above this while I am flat in bed still on pain meds and fearing more bleeding

Amen!!! I have been so frustrated with everyone thinking that 2 weeks after MY hysterectomy that i should be feeling wonderful. That I should be lifting up heavy stuff, over doing it, making sure that everything is as it should be. But the truth is, i hurt all the time, im moody, im *****y and im fed up with everything and everyone.

By the time my aunt and mom finished embellishing their surgeries for the 100th home I lost it and asked them "well why don't we just get that rusty butcher knife you used to do your hysterectomy with and you can hook me up" they laughed at me because I was scared to have the surgery. 2 1/2 weeks in my mom told me I should "be all healed up now" they talked about all the things they did right after surgery cause they had to. Well now thanks to this site and all I have learned I can look at them and say "you did all that? No wonder 30 years later your still having complications" the best gift I can give me is a healthy recovery. It's hard. I am alone a lot (going through a divorce and was never able to have children). But I just keep telling myself that I only have 2 1/2 weeks left and maybe I will be released and semi normal. Today I feel pretty good, still resting though. The thing that we can say is that when our girl friends and family go through this we will be more understanding.

It's Sunday ladies, get those feet up. Here's to 2014 being a healthy fabulous year for all my sister's out there!