Dealing with feelings of impending loss...

Hi all,

This is my first post. I was diagnosed with FIGO Grade I endometrial cancer on 9/10/08 after years of irregular menstruation and heavy bleeding. I am scheduled for a hysterectomy on 10/27/08 and although I was doing alright for the weeks between diagnosis and surgery, I find myself become so much more sad and tearful as I near the surgery. I think a lot of it has to do with being only 28 years old and married for only nine months. Although I fear dying of cancer more than anything, I feel that even with a hysterectomy I feel like I will lose such a huge part of myself--the part of myself that can carry children, be a sexual being, and feel healthy. I am devastated at how deep and painful this loss feels to me--I am a child therapist, so the loss feels particularly cruel to me. My husband and I were months out from preparing to have a family, and although I am grateful that I was able to go through one round of fertility and preserve 5 embryos for later surrogacy--I feel that my heart will break (and has broken already) every time I see a pregnant woman or a woman with a newborn baby. I'm sure it will get better over time, but the hysterectomy feels so "final" to me in the days nearing surgery...

E

Oh goodness. I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much.. It IS a real blessing that you were able to harvest some eggs!

You will love it here, you are going to meet women that are going through the same exact thing!

I understand completely! I am in a similar situation being only 32 and not having any children. i have found so much strength from the sweet sisters here. I think that mourning is a natural part of what we have to face.
I have been crying for a few weeks now, and I feel better for letting myself feel whatever emotion comes out. (I go between crying and being angry and feeling happy) I hope that this gives you some peace knowing you are not alone.

Hi E and


I am so very sorry you are having to go through so much and I can only imagine the emotions you must be feeling. I have found myself feeling a state of loss these last few days as I prepare for the upcoming surgery. (By the way; I see we are going in on the same day!) Even though I have been fortunate to have my children; it still feels like I am losing such a big part of ME and who I am. (I still haven't figured out if that is normal or not but it is a strange feeling indeed.) :confuse:


It is such a blessing that you were able to harvest some eggs and no matter what happens; my thoughts and prayers are with you. As the others have said, you will find so much love and support here to help you in this journey. Stumbling across this site was such a blessing in itself!


{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}} to you and just know you are not alone...you have your 'sisters' here anytime you need them!

EFeli,
While I have children and cannot imagine what you are going through I wanted to say a little something. First off you have to think about your health and future. Do what is right for you. I hope you are able to find the best woman in the world to carry a baby for you. But most of all I hope that you are able to find a wonderful doctor to talk to about what is happening to your body and mind as a result.
Counceling may be the best thing to help both you and your husband through this, and preserve your marriage. I hope things are great now, but getting some extra help will ensure you have a bright future years from now.

I wish you all the best now and forever,
Cristy

Magnolia,

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with an early hysterectomy like I am. Its comforting to know that I am not the only person in the world going through this...It feels like it sometime, especially when I have oncologists telling me that its so "rare" to see cancer in someone so young.

I just finished graduate school, and I was preparing to reap the benefits of all of my hard work, to finally be rewarded, and I was diagnosed ten days later, three days into a new job. I guess there is never a good time for this. Are you dealing with cancer as well?