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Ventilation warning!
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11-03-2008, 09:46 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 518
Hysterectomy: November 4th, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Ventilation warning!
I have to vent, and it will not be pretty. All I ask is that you indulge me; I feel like I have a right to vent because I'm going to the castle tomorrow, and if I'm going to survive it, I have to lance this boil inside of me.
My periods have never been the highlight of my months. They have never been fun, but they have always been manageable. When I was young, they were extremely irregular. I was on the pill for a while to regulate them. Then I stopped, had a baby, and since then (17 years ago), they've actually been normal.
About two years ago, I found I had fibroids, which explained the painful periods I had begun to have. Since I was 48, I wasn't surprised. My doc and I decided to wait and see what happened. It was also at about this time that I found out the kidney disease I have was more serious than I had thought. Luckily, I didn't have any more period problems...
Until this past August. I bled for 6 weeks with nary a sign of it ever stopping. Huge blood clots, flooded napkins, ineffective tampons...you ladies know the story. Oddly though, no pain. Just blood. The decision to do a hysterectomy was made; so be it.
It has been an emotional roller coaster. This past week has been particularly bad. I am having to begin taking Procrit injections for anaemia; many patients with severe kidney disease who are not on dialysis become anaemic take it (although in my case, I am hoping it's just the bleeding that cause it, not decreasing kidney function, but that's another thing to worry about.) I noticed that my ankles are starting to swell a bit, which can either be a side effect of the Procrit or a sign that my kidneys are starting to pack up. AND, during my pre-op appt., my doc told me to come off the birth control pill because the high estrogen content, while it was effective in eradicating the bleeding, also could raise the risk of blood clots during surgery. Ok, I could do that. But of course, I couldn't take Ibuprofen to control the cramps. Now, Ibuprofen is a miracle drug; I can take it at the first twinge, and if I take it regularly as directed during my period, I have virtually pain free periods.
But not this weekend. No ibuprofen has meant so much pain that I couldn't stand up straight. I never knew that my body could hurt so much for so long. At first, I had a LOT of bleeding, but no pain. But then starting Saturday night, the bleeding lessened considerably, but the pain began, and I feel physically ill.
What has upset me the most is something extremely selfish on my part, but I can't help it. My husband works for an attorney who is moody and mercurial, and this boss reprimanded my husband for something that was inconsequential. My husband is the best attorney in the city, and his boss knows it, but this guy has the rep of blowing up when it is not necessary to do so. To make matters worse, next week a bunch of people are going to be let go because of budgetary problems, and while his boss said specifically that my husband is safe, he is still worried and, more than anything, embarrassed. I understand EXACTLY what my husband is feeling, and I spent all weekend reassuring him and talking at length with him about why he is valuable, etc. It was a very rough time for my husband; he is usually very good about being optimistic, but he is under unusual stress this week, and things really got on top of him.
And what does this have to do with the Pre-Op Hysterectomy Forum? Well, my husband is my only support, and he was of no support this weekend when I needed him most. His boss told him specifically, "Don't go home this weekend and think you are going to be fired." No one has been able to tell me specifically, "Your surgery will be a complete success, you do not have ovarian cancer, your renal function will not be affected and surgical menopause will be as fun as Tea with the Queen."
Oh, and I forgot to tell you that this past Friday, I was subbing for a volunteer at the hospital (where I will have my op). I had to walk downstairs, and as I did so, I began bleeding HORRIBLY and had to wobble down the hall until I could find a bathroom. Two very kind women followed me in to see if I was OK, and they arranged for a wheelchair to get me to take me back upstairs. While I was volunteering, the plan was for me to pop over and have my pre-anaesthesia testing, so fortunately they worked me in two hours before my scheduled appt. So, I had a terrible Friday, but my husband's understandable anxiety as HIS terrible Friday seemed to be the priority.
So, I've had massive bleeding, I have awful pain that radiates into my back, the pain has caused diahrrea, and today I do my bowel prep. I also have to take all of those antibiotics...12 in one day...on top of the other 15 that I take for my kidney condition. Any my husband is at work, will teach tonight (for extra money to send to his kids who don't even talk to him any more, but they sure accept his money) and won't be home until 10:30. I am all alone, and I am distraught and ill. I have experienced just about every emotion known to men and poets. I am actually eager to get to the Castle in the morning so that maybe they can give me something for the pain that's more effective than stupid Tylenol.
If you have actually read all of this, I applaud you and will send you a medal forthwith. If you haven't gotten this far, I don't blame you. I am hoping it will make me feel better. I am angry and disappointed in my husband, and I can't think of any worse emotion to feel going in to a major operation. He would be appalled if he knew how I felt, but I can't tell him because it would be piling on. I really do understand how he feels, and I can't fault him for that. But even he can't understand why he reacted so strongly; I guess that the idea that people are getting fired is very scary, and he is scared, too. Everyone is scared.
But I so would have loved to have had some emotional support this weekend. Instead, I felt so alone and so sad and so scared and so ill.
Thank you for the opportunity to vent. I apologize for the length of this post.
Oh...for anyone who is getting a hysterectomy because you just can't live with the pain anymore, you go, girl. Suffering like that makes life miserable, so do what EVER it takes to make the pain go away. I've had just one weekend of it; I can't imagine what it must be like for you sisters who have felt YEARS of pain like that.
Best regards to you all!
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11-03-2008, 10:04 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 150
Hysterectomy: November 4th, 2008
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Ventilation warning!
You need a hug (((((EnglishLavendar)))))
So sorry you are feeling all alone. We are here for you. Life can be so brutal! I will pray that this is the worst of it for you and that it will only get better. I'll be thinking of you as WE go to the castle, my hystertwin. Here's to better days!
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11-03-2008, 10:11 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 134
Hysterectomy: January 8th, 2008
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Ventilation warning!
EnglishLavender,
I read your post. I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to endure all you both are going through.
I think it is very typical for your husband to be so worried about his job. Most men feel they have to be the "bread winners" of the family. He is probably worried about you and your surgery tomorrow and is not sure how to express it.
As far as his anxiety concerning his job, I've been a paralegal for over 20 years and have come to the conclusion most attorneys are just IMPOSSIBLE! (Most tend to have what I call a Messiah complex). I have met a few who are not like that, but they are few and far between.
I wish you all the best with your surgery tomorrow and your recovery process. Please remember that God IS in control of ALL situations. I will keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Charlotte
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11-03-2008, 11:16 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 81
Hysterectomy: November 17th, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Ventilation warning!
The one thing you don't need to do is to apologise. I'm just glad that you came here to talk about it.
Good luck with your surgery & I hope that it all goes well for you.
Regards,
Lisa.
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11-03-2008, 12:10 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 409
Hysterectomy: October 29th, 2008
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Thinking of you.....
and wishing the next hours pass quickly for you, so that you can get some pain relief at the castle---and get this procedure over and done. The stress leading up to it is difficult, even without all that has piled onto you. The best fix is to have it be done.
I wish I had magic words for helping how you are feeling emotionally. I am so sorry that you and your husband are having so much to deal with leading up to your surgery. Hope that he is a bit assurred after getting today in at work, so that he can be "there" for you, and that you are feeling proactive after you do your bowel prep and antibiotics. (I dreaded those, but strangely felt like I was finally helping to "get the show on the road" when I had started to do them).
I will be thinking of you through tomorrow and praying that you have a successful surgery and an uneventful recovery.
Hugs,
Barb A
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11-03-2008, 01:19 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 1,396
Hysterectomy: August 16th, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Ventilation warning!
Well EnglishLavender I read it ALL & I am here to claim my medal :-)
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this all in the last few days. I stressball in the house is enough for anyone.
Take a deep breath and try to find that calm place in time for tomorrow morning.
I know we are not the same as DH but we are all here to give you support, don't feel alone us Hystersisters are here in the background rooting for you.
I don't very often own up to my religious feelings on the boards but I am praying that both you & DH get through this week safely.
Send you (both) huge hugs
Katy
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11-03-2008, 01:26 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 50
Hysterectomy: October 23rd, 2008
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Ventilation warning!
English lavender, you are such a brave, brave soul.
Remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Men are mostly rubbish when it comes to stress and of course he would be all over the place. However, I think you SHOULD be telling him how YOU are: it's not fair that he gets to share all and you don't!!!!
With any luck you get to go into the Castle and stay for a few days (?) and get some well-deserved rest and some TLC from the medical staff. Your hubby will survive and he needs to believe his boss otherwise he should start looking around for another job. If he is the best Attorney in the city, then he should be easily able to get a job!!!
Hope everything goes well for you in the Castle. I'll be thinking of you.
:hugs
Jenny.
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11-03-2008, 01:54 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 518
Hysterectomy: November 4th, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Ventilation warning!
You ALL get medals!!!!
I really really really really do understand how my husband feels. He has an ego the size of a small planet, and he takes any slight to heart. And in today's economic climate, losing your job means losing health benefits for your family, including your wife who has really dodgy kidneys. It means not being able to pay child support for your two kids and college tuition for the other two. There are many people who rely on him and his job, and the pressure must be tremendous. Even though it looks like his job is safe at the moment, he has to be the one to fire some of these people, and my husband is a softie at heart, and I know that it is going to be extremely difficult to tell these targeted employees that their jobs are gone. While it sucks being me right now, it sucks being him, too. I do understand that.
My husband is normally very supportive, but it just didn't happen this weekend. It was just bad timing, I guess. But don't for a minute think that I am dismissing the support I get from the Hystersisters! But we get different kinds of support from different kinds of sources, you know? Thank Goodness for THAT!
Thank you all for your very kind replies. I really am grateful and hope you all have wonderful days ahead of you.
And BarbA, you are right. While spending most of my time on the loo is not my idea of a great time, at least I am finally able to DO something to get this show on the road. I'm sick of the waiting; Just Do It (nod to Nike).
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11-03-2008, 08:17 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 1,458
Hysterectomy: September 18th, 2006
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Ventilation warning!
EnglishLavender,
I am so sorry to hear that it was a bad weekend. I'm not sure what to say to make it better. Just know that you have "sisters" here who are always here to lend a shoulder when you need one.
I do not have a husband, so I went through this without a support system.....I think that *might* be the same as having a husband. LOL!!!
Sending you great vibes tomorrow (the 4th). Hmm, was this date a way to avoid the stress of Election Day?
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11-03-2008, 10:28 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 12
Hysterectomy: November 12th, 2008
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Ventilation warning!
Hugs to both you and your husband. I am sorry you both have the added stress of job worries along with your surgery concerns. I hope your surgery and recovery go well. I also have kidney problems, although not as severe as yours. I understand the additional worries. (my urologist will be putting stents in my ureters at the beginning of my surgery to help the surgeons identify them to help them not be accidentally injured.) Hopefully your anemia will be from the bleeding and not renal function I hope you feel better soon.
Please let us know how you're doing.
Angela
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