Surgery in 11 days - Family support minimal

Well (big sigh) after a month of calling and re-calling my gyne-ocology office inquiring about my DATE, I finally got my TAH surgery date for 12/21/10. Given the amount of time I've been chomping at the bit just to get this done (since finding out I have precancer cells that are worrying the heck out of me) I am not at all bummed at what "this" is going to do with my family's holiday plans. My plight was to plead with the surgeons office to get this booked before the end of the year not only to stop the "cancer head" worrying and anxiety, but also to prevent from 2011 new calendar year deductible and out-of-pocket start over.

Trying to remain calm for my preop so that my BP isn't on the ceiling.

Remaining calm seems to be one of the things that is most difficult these days. I am a single mom and for the most part I live alone, except when my 20 year old daugther decides to "land" for a while. I love her to death but she's currently dealing with her own diagnoses with mental health issues and crises and drama and ....... every 5 hours presents by phone or in person with a new drama she wants to vent on me.

Then there is the constant barrage at the office of "do you have this done," and "are you developing a training package for your coverage person" and then there's the training of that person and not being able to get all that needs to get done in the next week. I'm rattled.

Everything seems to come in bunches. But right now I just want my family to realize that what I am facing is huge. Not only am I facing surgery but the prospect of future treatments. And my biggest stress right now is who is going to be there for me when I get out of the hospital. Does anybody else have this plague of the twenty-somethings and their self-absorbed nature. How do I make it clear to them that I really need them right now?

Respectfully submitted.
Scared in New England.
Groovette

TAH scheduled 12/21/10

Mmm..I don't have twenty somethings, I have teenage step-daughters who think I'm being a big baby taking four weeks off of work because when their mother had HER vaginal hyster she said it was a breeze (she wasn't working at the time...when has she ever held down a job?) and blah blah blah. And I'll only have a FEW staples and stitches compared to what their mom had after what we refer to as her 'accident' (read: attempted murder which I'll bite my tongue about).
*insert eye twitching, turning red, and screaming into a pillow here*

They help out around the house if I twist their arm because they're both busy with school and a million extracurricular activities. My DH works 2 hours away and commutes so he leaves at 5 in the morning and gets home at 7 at night, so I'm the one that always has dinner ready, etc. so we aren't eating at midnight.

I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to handle my post-op support. I know what you mean about things happening in bunches though...I have a meeting here in 2 hours at work about "coverage for while I'm out" which sounds innocent enough but translates to "We're going to harass you some more about this whole being out for four weeks thing." Oy vey.

Snoopy - sounds like we're in the same boat. This work thing is getting a bit exasperating. I'm expected to get things caught up and then they add all this new stuff for training.

I just went to my preop and my blood pressure is 176/109. Oh my dear lord. It's a miracle I haven't blown a gasket. I need some medical attetion for the stress so that I can get the bp down so I am not a bleeding risk. i am hoping I can advocate for a little something for nerves so I can just basically calm down.

Good luck to you and your upcoming surgery, the saga of the stepfamily and the office people pulling you like taffy to get all they can out of your before you go to surgery. I'm working right up til the day before - maybe I need to rethink that and have a Zen day just to relax?

Thanks for sharing your story. It's comforting to know I'm not alone with the same sort of struggles. When is your surgery and what type is it? I am having total abdominal and removal of tubes and ovaries, along with the cervix... and maybe more if the precancer cells are more than that when they get in there and actually see first hand whats brewing.

Keep the Faith. We're gonna be fine.
Hugs

Groovette

Yeah we're two peas in a pod here I'm afraid. I'm having an abdominal hysterectomy with removal of the ovaries and tubes as well....mine's for endo though. I'm just hoping they don't find anything else because I've had a history of precancerous stuff on my cervix, which is also coming out, and deep down I have a fear it may have crept up and in.

So that fun meeting I mentioned...yeah I was right. They wanted me to reschedule my surgery OR come the week after my surgery because my co-worker is going to some religious conference and my boss is scared of running the office herself (nevermind the countless times I've had to do it). I managed to avoid saying, "This is SO NOT MY PROBLEM" even though it was on the tip of my tongue. Ridiculous. I just dug my heels in and came off as a belligerent *itch and probably made an enemy of my co-worker but ahh well...he's retiring and I've put up with this for 15 years which is TOO LONG.

Oh girls I'm so sorry for your troubles and stresses. Yes Groove, they can give you something to take the edge off while you're dealing with this. They had it on a tray ready for me the morning of surgery.

I'm in New England too. You do need someone to be at your side the first week at LEAST. You need help getting up, sitting up, maybe even wiping. I couldn't wipe myself for three days post op-then on day 5 I couldn't wipe myself again...and day 5 was when the BM decided HEY GIRL I'M HERE AND READY TO PARTY! WOOT LET ME OUT!

If you have no one near the holidays, you can see if there is a day nurse/night nurse you can hire and perhaps insurance will cover it. There are options out there if you need it, I'm not sure other than research on the web or asking in the Pre Op appointment, but by then I'd already want to have those things in place.

I basically did not give my husband a choice, his mom lives with us, she was batter up, and my mom called and asked if she could fly up to be the maid and chef.

I was blessed for this surgery with help, I would not be healing so well without help and care. I so wish I could share my mom with you, she was a **** good nurse.

As far as the job, once you're in recovery, you won't even worry about it. You'll be too sore to care, and you'll have to concentrate on healing only the first week at least.

Being so close to the holidays, I'd think you could ask for Christmas from a family member to be your nurse--it would be a great present, especially if they are great cook.

I'll have to send you some angels.....or whiskey. Or Zanex.

Maidyn
Thank you and I wish I could borrow your mom. I was there for so many of my mom's medical events. She is rendered to a wheelchair now and I'm sure it kills her not to be able to be there for me, but if I know her she'll find a way to get into the hospital to visit me. My apartment building isn't handicap accessible so she won't be able to come to my home.

I'll take you up on the whiskey and xanax. lol

Which great New England state do you reside. How long ago was your surgery. Was your husband supportive?

Great idea asking my kids to be nurse as a christmas present. I hope they "get it" when they see how "down for the count" I will be. I'm holding out hope that when push comes to shove they will be there for me.

Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom.

Snoopy hang in there and I think Maidyn is right, once we've had our surgeries and we're in recovery our jobs should be the last thing on our minds.

Tomorrow I have to go to my regular PCP and ask for something to help get this BP under control and hopefully something for this exteme anxiety.

God Bless yall.


Groovette

We have a project at work where the designers keep changing their minds, so it's been given to us to do our thing 4 different times! This last time......last week........ I did just about everything I needed to do for my part and yesterday discovered they were missing info. So when asked about it today, I find out the info they gave me was from 2 revisions ago! So none of it was correct. Now they're talking about giving us an approximation of the info in a month.......My surgery is Jan. 21st. So if I'm lucky I'll have maybe 2 o 3 days to knock this puppy out. My supervisor is freaking because he wanted it all buttoned up before Christmas. He even mentioned me coming in part-time if I start feeling better before my 4 weeks is up......AIN'T happening!

I'm going to talk to middle management about this whole mess today. I've run this office by myself for weeks at a time. So has my co-worker (in all fairness, I don't think it's right he should have to cancel his religious conference either). My boss is griping about having to run it by herself for NINE DAYS. Oh BOO HOO. The problem is she's completely incompetent and I think is scared to death that everyone will finally see that the emperor has no clothes so to speak. (everyone already knows though...that's why they bypass her and come to me)

I've just had enough. I really have. I've bent over backwards and gone way above and beyond for this place and when I finally need them to support me they throw me to the wolves.

Groovette I really wish you the best of luck. You might see about having someone come in to help you if your insurance will cover it...I didn't even think about it yesterday because I was so miffed. Even if you have a friend or neighbor you trust to come over and just do little things that might be good. We'll get through this. I think I'm going to spend my recovery time with my laptop on looking for a new job. It really would be grand to go back from recovering and say, "Oh by the way, here's my two weeks notice...good luck with that."

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Groovette Maidyn Thank you and I wish I could borrow your mom. I was there for so many of my mom's medical events. She is rendered to a wheelchair now and I'm sure it kills her not to be able to be there for me, but if I know her she'll find a way to get into the hospital to visit me. My apartment building isn't handicap accessible so she won't be able to come to my home. I'll take you up on the whiskey and xanax. lol Which great New England state do you reside. How long ago was your surgery. Was your husband supportive? Great idea asking my kids to be nurse as a christmas present. I hope they "get it" when they see how "down for the count" I will be. I'm holding out hope that when push comes to shove they will be there for me. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. Snoopy hang in there and I think Maidyn is right, once we've had our surgeries and we're in recovery our jobs should be the last thing on our minds. Tomorrow I have to go to my regular PCP and ask for something to help get this BP under control and hopefully something for this exteme anxiety. God Bless yall. Groovette

I live in the Lakes Region of NH
My husband was very supportive, and still is as I just began week 4. He has done all the laundry, cleaned the house on the weekends, cooked most of my meals since my mom flew home, and still walks me to the bathroom now that I have a UTI and pain again. He was my best friend long before he was my husband, so I am very fortunate to have someone like him in my life. I realize how lucky I am.

I hope you find little miracles coming your way, you certainly deserve it.

hello...i totally kno what you are feeling...i have a 20yr old...shes workin and goin to college...i had my surgery on 11-29 and I am a single mom...my daughter disappointed me at first cause she said she still have her own life to live...so I sat her down and reminded her on what all I did to sacrifice for her durin her life and I guess it sunk in..now she is right by my side each night after her work ane she saw how my body was trying to choke. Coug and sneeze and I was in lots of pain cougin and chokin so she sees how much I need her..so good luck with ur 20yr old...i truly kno what you mean with minimal help. Thank God my surgery was a success..i had minimal pain and gas and bm was in control...so for the most part I really didn't need extra help...good luck and God bless