Feeling silly to ask this question about sex...

My background: I am a 39 yr old..divorced..mother of two. I have had female problems all of my life. I started my period at age 9 and 1/2 and had no clue what it even was...how scarey! Even at that young age I had mucho problems.

I have dealt with endometreosis...had at least 5 surgeries...took 7 years to get pregnant with first child. After second child was born (he is now 7)...my female problems seem to be 10 times worse. I had my tubes tied on the table the day 2nd son was born. I now bleed so bad that I have to wear a tampon and a super absorbent pad the first two days. Its almost like I am hemorrhaging and I get really weak the first couple of days. I pass clots so big sometimes that I swear I'm miscarrying...its been horrible with no improvement in site. I get horrible migraines for at least 4 out of 6 days that I bleed each month. I have been taking birth control pills for over 2 years just to help control the bleeding...otherwise I bleed about 15 days out of the month....yuck! This month I went to the patch but I'm not sure yet how its going to do...so far..so good. I am scheduling a hysto in Feb of 2003. I have dealt with this problem forever and now I've had two years of pap smears with abnormal cells? I'm not sure what they are...the lab just states abnormal...kind of bizarre to me. There are many cancers in my family so I am not going to wait until it gets to that point.

Now..onto my question. For many years when I was first married...I was in so much pain...sex was few and far between. Unfortunately when I got to where I enjoyed it...my husband (now ex) turned out to be a real jerk. He got his jollies (if you get my drift) and could have cared less about me. He had to be the most unromantic uncaring man ever...sadly enough (who also turned out to be abusive). I have always had a great deal of problem where orgasm is concerned. Those I could probably count on my fingers and toes in my 39 years. My problem now is...I seem to be at the peak of my sexuality and I really enjoy it!! I am dating a terrific man...who is sweet..tender...very romantic...etc. I really enjoy being with him in that capacity. My question is: how is this hysto going to affect me afterwards in that department? Am I going to be in tremendous pain as in years past (after the healing time I mean)? Do some women actually enjoy it more? Is orgasm any easier (for those who had past problems)? I am just really concerned about this. I am hanging onto the age of 40 here and this is something I have really never looked forward too until now (lovemaking that is). I am trying not to be concerned about this..but for some reason I am. Other than this topic..I have absolutely no concerns.

Any feedback from anyone who's "been there done it"..??

thanks
OH75

Hi OH75 I'm right there with you. I was in an abusive marriage as well and got out right at the prime of my sexuality, at 38. I'm 46 now and had my hyst just about ten months ago. I am seeing someone with whom things have the potential to be very, very good and I too was very scared about whether it would be OK after the surgery.

Everyone is different in their experience. For me, things are about the same sexually. Everything seems to work the same, except that my G spot isn't there now (I had A&P repairs and the anterior incision ran right up through that area), although it still may come back as the nerves continue to regrow there. No pain, which is a big relief. I had no libido for a while, but after getting my HRT stabilized and adding testosterone I am happy to report that it's even better than before the surgery! (I was perimenopausal for the past two years.)

I'd urge you to express your concerns to your DR before the surgery, in case it affects the way the surgery might be done or the HRT you might be put on. I hope this reassures you at least a little.
s,
-Linda

It's perfectly reasonable to be concerned, especially now that things are just getting good!

Anything is possible, and some women have problems after hyst. But I hope you have the same good results I've had - the pain is gone, everything works fine, and there are no more "bad days" (or "bad weeks"...). Just wanted to let you know that things *can* turn out for the better.

Oh hon, You have every right and it is perfectly normal to wonder how things will be afterwards.

Which kind of surgery are you going to have? I had a TAH/BSO and I am one that has *been there, done that*so to speak....

I can tell you that things have turned out great. I have been married to my dh for almost 16 years and for the first time, I am starting to enjoy things since I no longer have the pain or cycles to deal with. We both are 38.
I was released by the doc to resume normal activities but dh and I waited a bit longer. I was a little uncomfortable at first but it got better as I healed. I am 6 1/2 post op now and things are better than before.

Take it slow at first, listen to your doctor on restrictions. Listen to your body for clues on how you are doing. Above all, try not to stress too much about it. I know that is easier said than done but the less you stress about it, the better it will be.

s