8 weeks post hysterectomy, sex and other issues

I tried to post this in sexual dysfunction but apparently it's not permitted since my surgery wasn't that long ago.

First, I have to say we have never had the best sex life. My husband is just too eager, all over the place, very aggressive....it's not enjoyable for me. But I'm typically able to achieve orgasm with some positive thinking So we finally got the OK last week and I was devastated to fibd out I had NO sensation whatsoever. I'm guessing the lack of cervix is the issue. I mean, he could've been poking me in the armpit and it would've been more pleasurable.

We discussed it briefly yesterday and I explained it was probably going to take clitoral stimulation for me to achieve orgasm from here on. So he decides to give it another shot last night...oh man...

First, I'll admit, I was EXHAUSTED! I was completely NOT in the mood, but I feel bad that he's been deprived for over 2 months now. Of course, as usual, everything was just too much too fast. He was just being too rough, and it was painful before we even really got started. Add to that the weight gain, the depression, and the fact that I'm probably pmsing....it just wasn't good. I told him to stop, I couldn't do this, and just rolled over and cried.

I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to fix it. There are so many layers to the problem I don't know where to start. I honestly wish he would just leave me alone, but I also know that's not fair to him. But then what about me? I feel like I'm being used and have to submit because it's my "wifely duty" but I'm honestly disgusted. I just don't know what to do 😥

I was cleared to get my groove back on and let me tell you... Stella was ready! LOL

My husband is generally very good, does what I like, knows what I like. But things just weren't going as well as I had hoped. He sort of seemed to think, just hop back in the saddle. Even though the saddle was a little rusty. But we go to doin' our thing. He said he was a little worried about hurting me, so we sort of switched and I took control of the situation. That seemed to work. I had plenty of stimulation and it went well but no fireworks. I'm hoping it was just a bit of my nerves and next time will be better.

Please talk to your husband. Tell him, slow it down. Maybe you take control like I did. Show him what you like, show him how to take it slow and easy and fun. I really hope it gets better quickly!! Don't cry. This is just a new normal and he will need to adapt to a new normal, too. {{Hugs sister!!!}}

It sounds like your hysterectomy has exacerbated an already rather large problem in your marriage. I'm really sorry to hear that.

You really need to talk to your husband. An open, honest conversation.

I also don't recommend going from nothing to full on intercourse after this surgery. I started out with masturbation at 3 weeks post op (cleared by my doctor!) and then 5 weeks of my husband and I slowing down, being tender, and enjoying one another (NOTHING in the vagina. Manual stimulation for both, oral pleasure for him, tons of caressing and kissing.)

I was cleared at 8 weeks post op, and slow and tender was the name of the game. I was in charge and command the first several times, and there was A LOT of time taken. Even with that and lubrication, I was sore and achey the next day. The feelings weren't as intense at 8 weeks as they had been before (the pleasure factor of it) but as time went on, it got better and better and better.

If you can't have an honest conversation with him, wherein he HEARS you and respects you and tries harder? I recommend counseling, and quick. Don't let this issue fester. If you aren't having sex - he will feel resentment. If you ARE having sex out of duty and not desire, YOU will feel resentment. This is a big deal. Address it accordingly.