friends and family dont think it is a big deal

hello my new friends,

i start that way because you guys have made me feel so special.
i am having a tah & bso, because of cancer in cerivx, endo and cysts on overies.
my dh is over in afghanistan when he calls i really act like this is no big deal because he has enough to worry about over there. i am also trying to be very postive so that i can recover faster (but i am still scared and sad) i never had kids i have adopted and i know that is God's plan for me and i am ok with that. however, all my friends and family roll their eyes at me when i try to talk about it (which i have tryed not) my sister had 5 kids which are having there own kids now.
when i got my package of hyster sister things i was so excited i wanted to show everyone, my sister and niece just laughed at me. they have both had kids and dont know what it is like to not to be able to have them.
i know i have to be brave for my dh but how do i make it so everyone else doesnt think i am a hyocondreact or making a big deal out of nothing? am not asking for tears or them to feel sorry for me but just some understanding that this is a big deal?

thank you, for caring
annabanna

It is a big deal! I was not diagnosed with cancer and I think it's a big deal. I'm losing a part of my body along with the possibility of ever having more children.

Hang in there.

Annabanna,

Girl....you are going to have MAJOR surgery!! It is certainly okay that you want to talk about it with your family.

And if they "roll their eyes" as you say, try to ignore them.

I feel in life if there is something we don't understand...we ignore it or hate it. Sounds like your family does not want to understand or be sympathetic.

I remember reading a new age psychology book a few years ago and the author said that "family and friends" can be the LEAST supportive people in our lives. Hard to believe...and I think it can be true sometimes.

And...you know what?? I think what come around goes around. There will be a period in your sister and niece's lives when they WILL want some attention and you WILL have the choice on how you support them.

Any hey?? If you want kids...you could adopt. Kids are still possible.

So...please know...WE are all here for you 24/7. Anytime you need a pick-me-up. ANY questions...and ANY subjects you want to post, we are here.

First of all a big for you! You have a very full plate now and of course you want to turn to your family for support! What you are having done isn't simple surgery like having your tonsils out for goodness sake! If they feel you are being a hypochondriac they are being very insensitive to your feelings. As one of the other sisters said, sometimes those closest to us aren't there for us for whatever reason. I admire your strength and know that you will get the support you need here from the other sisters. Take care and best wishes to you!

We have a FAQ for Family and Friends that should go a long way toward explaining what it is you're facing. Is there any way your DH will be allowed some leave b/c of your surgery? If you have kids, adopted or not, someone has to take care of them while you're recovering. If it's not going to be your DH, then your family really needs to understand what is going on.

Can you take a family member to pre-op doctors' visits? That's the best way, I've found, to get across what you're dealing with, both right now and later, after surgery. As you say, this IS a big deal (particularly since you are dealing with cancer issues ) and it's not tears you need, just concrete help -- childcare, meal preparations, etc.

Good luck to you. I'd also check with the family liaison for your DH's unit -- you may be quite surprised at what REAL help they can offer while he is overseas...



Audrey

I would like to send you a big, huge hug also. You and I are in the same boat honey and it doesn't feel good. It is hard when you don't get support and then being alone to deal with the kids and everything on our own is very difficult. I think that sometimes the media and all make the hysterectomy seem like a operation that is not needed anymore and some people don't consider the reasons behind WHY we have to have it such as your cancer, my fibroids and other reasons....I know I am overjoyed to have found this site. It has made a tremendous difference in my emotional state. You hang in there and remember that all your sisters are here for you every minute of the day and remember we can't change our family's or their attitudes so let that go (even though it is REALLY hard somedays)......Good luck!

I haven't experienced my family being unsupportive, just not very understanding (husband and son). But now that it is down to the wire, they are trying. I think my Mother is the most supportive and understanding because she had a hysterectomy at an early age. I have this strange fear that I will somehow not be feminine after this. Does anyone else feel that way??

This website has been a godsend for us! It is so wonderful to get support and input from ladies all over the world who are in the same boat.

ANNA - I found a section on FAQ's for friends and family and I suggest you let your family read it. This is a very big deal!! HUGS to you and to all of the PRINCESSES!!

Hello Annabanna,

Surgery is a big deal and a TAH/BSO is a really big deal. I think the FAQ mentioned by our sisters is a very good thing. Also, asking that one of the members go with you to your pre-op appointments is also good. Remember that we are here all the time.

You will need practical help. Please ask directly for the help, don't assume that your relatives and friends will automatically know what to do. Before my surgery, I had no idea how helpless I would be at first. It was a production to just get myself out of bed! If you can, stockpile meals in the freezer that you can just warm and serve. Don't worry about the house cleaning, all those dust bunnies will still be there when you're feeling better. Use throwaway plates and silverware until you can do dishes or have help doing them.

I think you mentioned that you adopted? I don't know how old your children are, but even small ones can be a big help, picking things up, fetching things etc.

Great big and remember you are not alone. You don't have to keep up a front for us like for DH. We understand.

AWW! Anna I really feel for you. I don't have very supportive friends and work colleagues, they really drive me nuts. I have had a lot of support from posts I have posted on hystersisters and if it was not for them I would be doubting my sanity. Even hubby told me I was 'hard going at times' the other day. I cannot get into anybodys thick head, how worried I am, how I am dreading the op, and how I wish I had been able to have children, 'cause this is really playing on my mind and bringing back alot of the feelings I had when I was depressed. Hubby is great but I feel he is 'tiring' of my always being tired and 'lazy' as he calls it.

I hope you are OK and we are all here for you if you need a chat/moan about anything it really does help to talk.

Take care,
Jan x

Just want to send you hugs... I understand the lack of support from family. I hope you can find the support and help you need at this time. God Bless you as you deal with so much. My brother just came home from Iraq and just having family over there is stressful enough without facing surgery and cancer. Hugs!