Spoke too soon

So I had it planned out for my therapist to come pick up my dog [if anyone remembers the big ordeal he's caused since my surgery] today and friend agreed to watch him till then. Friday she tells me she can't watch him Sunday and I gave up...told her to bring the darn dog here.

Mom sees he's back and starts saying how I can take care of him, no problem...she doesn't think he needs to go to the kennel [mind you she knows it was arranged for him to go stay there for free, so it's not like it's even costing money], cause I'm obviously feeling better [and yes, I WAS]. She forgets I have to bend to feed and fasten him. I told her that, she said we could solve the fastening [to go outside] problem with hooking the tie inside and high in my home. I asked her to bring me over a nail and hammer, which she never did. She still missed the point that I had to literally bend just to fasten him...I didn't just mean bending to ground to pick up the lead.

I asked mom to make breakfast for me today and she says, again, "You need to start doing this yourself..." I snapped at her and said I was in pain and she goes, "Why are you in pain, you shouldn't still be in pain...." I'm sorry I asked you to make me some darn french toast. She is oblivious.

So the pain has been increasing very quickly these past couple days. I had been down to only taking one pain pill a day and now back up to 2-3 and honestly...probably be more today and I am about to run out [no refills obviously]. I emailed my therapist and he is insisting he comes take the dog today, as I told him maybe I should keep him...because my family and friends were making me second guess myself again. He won't even let me meet him, says he doesn't want me risking anything by handling him even for a short trip. I feel so overwhelmed and I can't stop crying. To top it off my resentment and hate has started aiming towards the dog, and the poor thing did nothing wrong. Then it turns to self hate because I am the one failing him....I am the one that adopted him, I am the one suppose to take care of him and all I can feel is like a stack of blocks being knocked down.

Why is it my therapist can understand this without ONE question, yet my own mom and closest friend can't? What I find ironic is THEY are FEMALE and HE obviously is NOT. Why is this picture so wrong to me???

It's pathetic...my support system absolutely blows. That's all I wanted to say....there is no need to reply. I'm sorry but I had to let it out somewhere.

I'm glad your therapist at least is there for you. Go ahead and vent here. I get it. Sorry things are not going well, I hope your recovery is at least speedy.

As far as you Mom , I'd simply quit having her come over. The stress and aggravation she causes you is worse than having to fend for yourself. She obviously has no idea what you need to heal and is oblivious to this whole process.Your pain at this stage of recovery is completely normal. It's OK to call your doctor and ask for a refill on pain meds if you need them. I used pain meds for over 3 weeks then switched to motrin for another couple weeks. Once the bad pain subsides your going to have soreness and discomfort for many more weeks. If you can get the dog taken care of you can get by better and be healthier just being left alone. You'll have to take things slow and easy, but you can do it. All your Mom is going to do is push you to do things your not supposed to do and in the long run that is far worse than any little help she is providing at this point.You wanted her to make breakfast out of love, not necessity. You'll be much happier making your own breakfast in the future than you will be listening to her nag and push you. The stress is sending you on an unnecessary emotional roller coaster and I'd cut out all stress.
:cathugs:

Thank you for your responses. I just wish someone other than my therapist understood. I go to my parents to sleep on their recliner, as I'm having a hard time sleeping in my bed...but think I am going to push harder to just stay here full time. The idea of going there was to get help and you are right, it's causing nothing but stress. Today mom said again she doesn't think I should be in so much pain and I just gave up on trying to explain to her that you don't just heal overnight. She keeps comparing me to my brothers hernia surgery, and though I do not know how that is....I hate being told he's doing well and didn't take as long. Let's keep in mind, it hasn't even been 2 weeks...but whatever, I hope she never has the surgery as maybe I won't be so understanding so shes can see what it is like.

Therapist came and took my dog yesterday and that alone takes a lot of pressure off me. I still have other pets to care for, but I'm making it work and they aren't as high maintence as the big dog. I had asked my friend to take care of the parrots for a few days, a week TOPS and she couldn't manage it. They went a day without because she was too lazy to come over and do it while I was in the hospital, so I just said nevermind, I'll do it when I get home and in response she told me, "That's probably for the best, you shouldn't be babying it."

Sigh...I do thank you guys for allowing me a place to vent. I know it gets old and dreary, I just need to spit it out somewhere.

Applebear,
I'm so sorry that you are not getting the support that you need from your mother. Maybe your doctor could talk to her? Thank goodness for your therapist who obviously does understand. As far as your friend, well, this surgery makes us stop and think who our true friends really are. Do you have any other friends or family that you can reach out to for help?

Keep posting here. We are here for you and we do understand.

Your family is being a bunch of total jerks. I had hernia surgery and the recovery was NOTHING like this. It was a walk in the park. It is normal to still need pain meds and I would avoid your mom if she is being this insensitive.I have two large dogs so know how much it can take out of you trying to help them. My mom told me to stop it when I was trying to do too much. I think that your mom is being really stupid and insensitive. Hope things get better.

I actually thought of having doc talk to her, but as my therapist would say...she has a very narassistic personalty and she would only make it about her or not hear what is really important. Sadly I don't have a lot of friends and I'm not sure this one is going to survive. Today was my bday and not one of them remembered....that has to say something.

Applebear, am Soo sorry you're going through all this!! ((HUGS)) i wanted to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉🎂I hope everything gets better!

(((Hugs))))

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Applebear So I had it planned out for my therapist to come pick up my dog [if anyone remembers the big ordeal he's caused since my surgery] today and friend agreed to watch him till then. Friday she tells me she can't watch him Sunday and I gave up...told her to bring the darn dog here. Mom sees he's back and starts saying how I can take care of him, no problem...she doesn't think he needs to go to the kennel [mind you she knows it was arranged for him to go stay there for free, so it's not like it's even costing money], cause I'm obviously feeling better [and yes, I WAS]. She forgets I have to bend to feed and fasten him. I told her that, she said we could solve the fastening [to go outside] problem with hooking the tie inside and high in my home. I asked her to bring me over a nail and hammer, which she never did. She still missed the point that I had to literally bend just to fasten him...I didn't just mean bending to ground to pick up the lead. I asked mom to make breakfast for me today and she says, again, "You need to start doing this yourself..." I snapped at her and said I was in pain and she goes, "Why are you in pain, you shouldn't still be in pain...." I'm sorry I asked you to make me some darn french toast. She is oblivious. So the pain has been increasing very quickly these past couple days. I had been down to only taking one pain pill a day and now back up to 2-3 and honestly...probably be more today and I am about to run out [no refills obviously]. I emailed my therapist and he is insisting he comes take the dog today, as I told him maybe I should keep him...because my family and friends were making me second guess myself again. He won't even let me meet him, says he doesn't want me risking anything by handling him even for a short trip. I feel so overwhelmed and I can't stop crying. To top it off my resentment and hate has started aiming towards the dog, and the poor thing did nothing wrong. Then it turns to self hate because I am the one failing him....I am the one that adopted him, I am the one suppose to take care of him and all I can feel is like a stack of blocks being knocked down. Why is it my therapist can understand this without ONE question, yet my own mom and closest friend can't? What I find ironic is THEY are FEMALE and HE obviously is NOT. Why is this picture so wrong to me??? It's pathetic...my support system absolutely blows. That's all I wanted to say....there is no need to reply. I'm sorry but I had to let it out somewhere.

Hugs!! Don't feel bad about the pain pills I tried to stop taking then 3 days after surgery. Screw that I was in pain. When I ran out my DH made me call my dr. She quickly wrote me another script and told me my body had been through a lot take the pills. Lol hang in there. I have two cats and they are ok with mommy not being 100 perc right . Animals sense when we are not okay. Give your pup a chance. He'll probably end up being your best support through all of this.