Hysterectomy Regret?

I had my hysterectomy because of complex hyperplasia with Atypia. I am pleased to have done it to remove the risk of cancer. However my LAVH turned into TAH due to bleeding during surgery. I am really disappointed about the "pouch" above the transverse incision. I normally have a flat stomach and it looks so ugly.
I know I am being ridiculous as I have made a pretty good recovery so far, so I should be happy, but the extra incision makes me think I should have looked harder at alternatives.

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Originally Posted by Danni3ll3 Ladies, the physical space is filled in by your other organs. The space wasn't all that big to begin with if your uterus was normal sized. If it wasn't, like mine, my and your other organs thank us for giving them their rightful space back. The other thing that I wanted to say is that your ovaries and your uterus do not define you as women. Your personality, your attitude and your kindness towards others are what define you, not an organ that was causing many of us trouble. I actually feel more feminine now that I don't have my bladder giving out on me at awkward times and I don't have a tummy that sticks out. Treat yourselves to something you really love like a scented bath with candles (if you can at this time), a massage, some sexy underwear, etc. and think positive thoughts. You are all wonderful women that deserve the best life can give and that way of thinking starts with each one of you. You are wonderfully supportive of all of us so you need to be supportive of your own self. I hope this makes sense as this issue is really dear to my heart.

I couldn't have said this better myself! Bleeding and soaking through my clothes was so embarrassing. Never knowing where or when that will happen and being so miserable with pain is not my idea of feeling feminine. All those organs did was give me (besides 2 wonderful children) grief! Everything in my life is so much better now. My moods are better and yes ladies my sex life is BETTER! Not for nothing but my hubby can't seem to get enough of me lately and this is after over 30 years of marriage. lol If anything my hysterectomy has given me complete freedom and peace of mind. I've never felt more feminine then I do now. I also believe eating right and exercising makes you feel so much better not only physically but mentally too. So to all my "sisters" please realize those organs do not determine who we are as women. I believe our minds and spirits are much more powerful in the way we feel about ourselves. Best wishes and love to you all!!

I thought of the missing space, briefly, and then compared it to my gallbladder and tonsils. Anything that is physically removed from our bodies obviously took space of some kind but I certainly don't miss them...or the wicked kidney stone that I had to have surgically removed. I realized my uterus, cervix and left ovary should be no different; they, too, made me ill.

I hope you all know how much you have helped me with your posts. Those of you who are past this phase have made me feel MUCH better and those of you who are going through these feelings make me realize I'm not the only one.

In my case, I was not having heavy bleeding and lots of pain. I had been through all that my entire life. I missed so much school and work and trips because of it. Then I had menopause from hell. The hot flashes were unbelievable and very embarrassing if I was in a meeting with a group of men and suddenly my hair and face and chest were soaking wet! But that was over. It was all behind me. And now here I am again......hot flashes and wearing a pad.

I'm recovering well from my surgery that was done 17 days ago, and I am truly thankful. But for some reason, when my doctor told me he had removed everything, including my cervix.....it threw me into a deep, dark depression. I couldn't stop crying. After reading these posts, so far today, I am doing great. Thank all of you for helping me!!

I struggled with the removal of my uterus, ovaries and cervix big-time, even though I had a diagnosis of low grade endometrial cancer. I had more fear of having these organs removed and feeling like a different person than I did of having cancer.

Friends who had had hysterectomies and my doctor tried to reassure me that I would not feel different, and that I wouldn't notice any difference. Most people I know were alarmed that I was delaying having the surgery, and were pressuring me to do it. A friend of a friend is a cardiologist. Even she was advocating strongly for me to have the hysterectomy, as were all of my doctors - gp, derm, eye, gyne.

I am 59, and had been on hormones for a long time, and still had regular periods. I guess I thought I was postponing the aging process and that bleeding was keeping me young. So, I never really dealt with the stoppage of bleeding and all that that meant about me as a woman. Now I am.

Before the surgery, I had those same thoughts about a void where my uterus was. I still am spooked about actually touching myself or looking at my stomach.

Doctors don't think it's a big deal for a post-menopausal woman to have her uterus taken out. They think, "well, you don't need it anymore." Is that what they would say to a man having his testicles removed??!!

They ultimately did not find cancer in my uterus at hysterectomy. And, my hyperplasia had decreased by a lot. I think the D&C was actually curative. So, I think if I had remained off hormones, I would never have had any problems. The thing is, I want to go back on estrogen. I actually think that, even if I had remained on hormones, if I took them properly, I may not have had any further problems. This was what I felt, and didn't think I had cancer - but, I couldn't be 100% sure. I didn't want that fear of cancer growing inside me to hang over my head for the rest of my life. But, now I fear cancer more than I ever did before.

I asked them to take a picture of my uterus, so I could have it, which they did, but I need to go to the hospital to get it. Once I have my picture, I think I will feel better.

Although I am sorry that other women have/are going though the same things, I am so relieved to be reading the same feelings that I have!! I don't feel so weird any longer!

I just turned 65, although I've always had the good luck of evidently not looking my age. At the hospital, both before and after my surgery, three different nurses questioned the age on my medical record because they thought it was a typing error. Since my 30s everyone has thought my age to be 10-15 years younger than I am, so I guess a lot of this is vanity, even though I have low self-esteem. Since I'm divorced and not in a relationship, I think perhaps the "not feeling like a woman" factor is worse since you have to wonder about being with someone new in the future.

CarolMcD, yesterday when my depression was so severe, I said the only way a male doctor would understand is to have his testicles in a jar in the room while, with a huge smile, telling you that he removed your uterus, tubes, ovaries and cervix. I agree that they don't think a woman my age should be concerned. I felt that I turned 65 and was required to hand over all my female parts and say, "Thanks, that was great. It's all over now."

But here I am, once again wearing a pad and having hot flashes. And wondering if I really needed the surgery. There was no cancer or pre-cancerous anything. Since it's only been 17 days, I'm hoping these thoughts will go away. These posts have greatly helped me. Thanks everyone! I really appreciate venting to women who understand!!!

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Originally Posted by zany56 I had my hysterectomy because of complex hyperplasia with Atypia. I am pleased to have done it to remove the risk of cancer. However my LAVH turned into TAH due to bleeding during surgery. I am really disappointed about the "pouch" above the transverse incision. I normally have a flat stomach and it looks so ugly. I know I am being ridiculous as I have made a pretty good recovery so far, so I should be happy, but the extra incision makes me think I should have looked harder at alternatives.

Zany, the pouch will go away in time. It took 8 months for my stomach to be 99% flat on one side of my incision and about 95% flat on the other side. I can live with how it looks now although I certainly didn't feel like that right after surgery. I hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by Danni3ll3 Zany, the pouch will go away in time. It took 8 months for my stomach to be 99% flat on one side of my incision and about 95% flat on the other side. I can live with how it looks now although I certainly didn't feel like that right after surgery. I hope this helps.

Thanks Danni. I know it is irrational for me to focus on such a minor thing, and I realise that it should improve.

Zany, it isn't irrational at all. I totally freaked when I finally got to see my tummy in the mirror. I never wanted to be cut open but because I had to wait 5 months between me finding the fibroids and surgery, the choice to have non-invasive options like HIFU were taken away from me. So to add insult to injury, on top of an ugly scar, I had this roll/pooch/swelling/whatever you want to call it above my incision. I was really, really unhappy about it. I even asked my surgeon and my PCP about it. They both reassured me that it would go down and they were right. It isn't perfect but it is a thousand times better than after surgery. So you are not the only one that feels that way and you totally have the right to feel how you do. This nasty little roll is one of those little surprises that none of us were prepared for and it is just something more that emotionally we need to deal with at a time that we are already vulnerable.

I think it's hard, too, because it isn't something we can talk about in "polite" conversation. You may have had cancer, but it wasn't something "sexy" like breast cancer, not saying cancer is sexy or anything like that but it's something that people understand and there isn't necessarily awkward to talk about.

No one talks about bleeding, ovarian cysts, fibroids...at least not unless you have a specific support group. It was only by chance that I found out someone I know has a similar situation.

And the uterus makes us able to have children, which is so revered - a miracle - makes one if you don't have kids and no uterus feel much less "a woman" whether or not that's true.

I'm glad I had mine, but I still wonder what else could have been done to not have had this...there was probably nothing, but still.