My family of origin is making me crazy

My mom is almost 80 years old and lives with my brother and sister-in-law about 500 miles away. When my mother first heard that I needed to have a hysterectomy, she was really enthusiastic about coming to help me out after my surgery and I was excited about having her company.

Now that the actual date has been scheduled, however, things have become ridiculously complicated. Mom will have to miss her grandson's birthdays, and she always makes them a cake. The runways at the airport are going to be under construction when I need her to travel here, and she'll need to get to another airport. It's inconvenient for my brother or sister-in-law to drive mom to an airport 60 miles away. The weather is unpredictable, and the mountain roads to the airport might be difficult to navigate, etc., etc.

Well, it seems like (shame on me ) that I scheduled my hysterectomy at a very inconvenient time to get support from my family.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? I would love to have my mother's company, although at 80 I know she will be focusing on my comfort, but we don't really need her to help around the house. And I think that my mother probably wants to be with her daughter when she's going through all this.

But all this confusion about airports and snows and birthdays, and icy roads is just stressing me right out.

Should I maybe ask her not to come now and to visit later on in the year when I feel better that the travel issues calm down?

I can't believe my family is making this so complicated. Makes me feel like a scheduled it just to annoy them.


Thanks for your loving support and to all.

Well, if the only plus would be her pleasant company and there are so many minuses concerning her travel, isn´t it obvious that it would be great to see her later, when you all can handle it...In the meantime, there are telephones etc. Hope I don´t sound harsh.

I agree. I know it is nice to have Mom around when we are ill or recovering but it seems a bit to complicated for you at this time. As long as you have help for your recovery, I'd just tell Mom to visit later when its more convienient for those who would be put out getting her where she needs to be..

Take a deep breath and try to be calm. Then, maybe you shoud call your family and see what you can work out. If it's mainly the visit with your mom that you're looking forward to, another date might really work out best. Probably your family doesn't realize how much it's stressing you Talk to them about it, hopefully it'll all work out.

Best wishes.

S S

I don't want to sound mean, but I think your brother and sister in law are being rude. You are going through a time when you need your mother, weather she can do anything other then keep you company is not important, the fact that you have the comfort of your mother is what matters. Mothers have a way of comforting their daughters, we need them. We will be with out them too soon as it is, why not be able to enjoy them and their comforting ways when we can, tell your brother that you would make sure, if he needed your mom and she was with you, that you would get her to him. My surgery is this afternoon, my mom is here, she lives in another town. My brother is also driving from out of town to be with me, I am lucky to have them, and I hope that your brother see's how important this is to you. My best wishes to you.

I know this may sound crazy, but I am envious of you! My mom and my sister, the two people who would come through for me on something like this, are both deceased, and I will be going through my surgery without them (both of them had hysterectomies, too, so I really could have used their guidance). I agree with the previous post, in that your brother and sister-in-law should try to be a bit more accommodating. I hope that you can work something out. If not, take comfort in the fact that you can communicate by phone. Good luck and God bless!