How would you respond??

I had a very crappy weekend. Bled for most of it (on and off)and had been really bloated all day Saturday and Sunday. I had been dreading my sunday night plans as I felt very swollen and did not feel like getting dressed up and sitting through a three hour dinner.I had to attend a dinner party over the weekend thrown by my father's wife. A suprise party for my Dad,his 70th birthday myself DH, my Sis, her DH & son & 6 of my Dads friends. A lady I know is invited along with her youngest daughter. I have met her maybe 5 times in the past 7 years, nice lady a bit of a long winded type but a sweet and caring person. Me & DH arrive after my sister and her family did . We get to the table and this lady and her daughter arrive so it is just the very immediate family and this woman and her 25 year old daughter. She makes the rounds with her greetings at the table & comes up to my DH & I she kisses us hello and questions me as to what I will be having a full or a partial. At first I though she wanted to know if I was ordering the Baby back ribs for dinner and was curious about which size rack I was getting. She proceeds to say she really hopes its only a partial because a full is very awful .
I was floored. Hurt that my dads wife was telling tales out of school and I was astounded that this lady felt my hys was 1- any of her business and 2 - A topic for a dinner party conversation. I responded that my Dr. will take what is necessary and leave the rest and I did not want to discuss it further.
I was really ticked off.I felt very voilated. That my surgery was being discussed especially since it is a very personal type of surgery and that this woman who I really do not know felt that it was appropriate to question me about it. Now I am sure my Dad's wife was not trying to being a gossip but I really did not appreciate my hys being discussed . I did mention to my Dad's wife that although I know how close she is with this woman, this operation I am having is a very personal thing and I would appreciate it if she did not discuss my surgery with anyone else.
My dads wife responded that the woman had asked her last week what I was having and was interested in finding out if I was having a full or a partial. She was not sure which one I was having. She did not hear me talking about my surgery yesterday at the party and unaware that I had been questioned about it directly. (Like it's ok to be talking about it in my absence)
Some people just don't "GET IT".
Would this disturb you??
Much love,
Shari

I am so sorry about that ShariLynn. I feel the same way you do. It is nobody's business unless I choose to tell them on my own.

My DBF has a 3 year old son who we have on the weekends. He had to talk to his ex about the possibility of her keeping his son next weekend, as my date is next Thurday. Well, he told her what I was having done. I know that he was not trying to make me feel badly, but I was so upset that he would have discussed my very private and personal surgery with his ex GF...who doesn't like me to begin with.

He was very sorry and very upset to have upset me...but he didn't understand how I could feel so bothered by her knowing.

Just wanted to let you know that I understand. Keep your chin up! We will get through this.

Hugs,
Susan

My DH and I had a talk about this sort of info sharing about the time that I had made my decision for surgery. He was going to have to tell his workplace something to get the time off to help me. But, his co-workers, I told him to only mention my specific surgery to the ones he was buddies enough with to tell that he'd had a vasectomy. He looked at me really funny, so I went on to explain that my reproductive health was not any more someone's business than his was. He got it.

Now, my boss on the other hand, I didn't think I had to tell him that I didn't want the info all over the company. I had to tell him, again to explain why I needed 6 weeks off and why I would be okay to work part time from home after a couple of weeks, but not to drive. I never dreamt that people in remote parts of our company who have never met me face to face would be told of my surgery, or have the audacity to mention it to me on the phone after my return to work when the point of our phone calls were business.

So, to co-workers who are not close friends, I have said things like "I really feel this is too personal to be discussing in the work place." or in one case where it was a woman being OVERLY nosey I said "Wow - that's a 'need to know' kind of thing, and I'm pretty sure that you didn't need to know! Who told you and why?" Well, she sputtered and shut up. And I'm pretty sure she's gone back to whoever told her and reported what I said because amazingly I have lost that celebrity status of being questioned about my surgery/recovery the instant I say hello on the phone.

I also had someone who was trying pre-op to talk me out of surgery - thought I should try all kinds of holistic things first. Well, I'm sorry. I don't believe in Acupuncture for menstrual symptoms, and if birth control pills couldn't help me keep from bleeding to pieces then how were herbs going to do the trick? I just didn't want to go mucking around in things my insurance wouldn't pay for and that would delay my treatment. I finally had to say to her, when she was trying to tell me whether or not to keep my ovaries - "Well, my physician knows my whole medical history and she and I will make those sort of decisions. When you are recognized by insurance companies as being qualified as a second opinion, I'll consider coming to you with my medical decisions." A steely stare accompanied that statement.

Yes, yes, we redheads are mouthy, aren't we?

Sanguiness,
As usual, you crack me up! I needed that today. I'm not a redhead, but I can be pretty blunt, too. As to those who stick their nose in where it doesn't belong, I usually say, "Refresh my memory. Exactly WHEN did I ask your opinion?" Why would anyone have the slightest curiosity about what type of hyst another woman was having? I can think of a million other ways to make small talk! Some people just have no lives!
My hubby and I have been very guarded about telling people what's going on. I'm not very comfortable discussing my reproductive health with just anyone, either. The problem comes when you have to tell the reason why you will be out of commission for a while. My boss didn't even ask. I told him I needed to have surgery. He said he was sorry to hear that. He didn't ask for any more info than I was willing to give. I have told a few very supportive female coworkers. Two of them have had hysts themselves. They have been very reassuring to me.
So, I guess for every moron out there, there's a kind, compassionate person.

we redheads rock! s to all. debbie

Good Grief!! Some people are just unbelievable. I understand your frustration. That was totally rude of both this woman and also of your dad's wife. My husband's dad's wife is the same way. She has absolutely no tact. She drives me insane. So about three days before my surgery when she proceded to tell me what a terrible mistake I was making and how I was going to regret it for the rest of my life blah blah blah....the first thought in my head was that I really didn't remember asking her opinion at all. Wow that was probably because I didn't want it. People are so nosey. The type of surgery you are having is definately not her business and she was totally out of line.

You bet your sweet bippy this would disturb me! And how! I would be downright livid.

When my doctor told me that I needed the surgery, the foundations of my world were rocked. I knew, deep down, that it was what he was going to say, had known for years even that it was coming, but to have it actually said out loud was horrid. It is an intensely personal thing and having it bandied, particularly by virtual strangers would infuriate me beyond words.

I didn't mind dh telling his parents, but I was very upset to discover that he had told his siblings. I didn't want them to know and I felt it was not his place to tell others without checking with me first. Even now, dh does not fully understand why its okay to tell some and so not okay to tell others and I am terrible at making it make sense to his male mind.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I definitely relate to your displeasure. I would share it totally. You have the right to your privacy and that woman violated not only your privacy but your self. Not sure if you know what I mean, but I hope you do.

I hope you are feeling better and the bleeding is gone. Perhaps you could speak to your father and let him speak to his wife so that something like this doesn't happen again?

Hang in there, hun! s