Unsupportive DH???

I don't think it's intentional, but dh seems to get very distant, and sometimes gets downright grumpy when I talk about anything that has to do with symptoms, surgery, etc. I'm sure he worries about the risks for me and the expenses (we have a $750 deductible + 20% Coinsurance--and I'll be off work for a while, so add lost wages into the formula...) so I understand if he doesn't want to talk about it but sometimes I need to!

I am so happy I found this site--others care, but it's just not the same, except for those who've walked in our shoes.

I'm glad you can understand some of the reasons your dh might not want to talk about surgery -I know it still hurts, but at least you can see a reason. (and perhaps on top of it all, he just simply wants to be able to "fix" things for you and since he can't he doesn't know what to say.?)

Sweetie, the expenses are nothing compared to the quality of life you do NOT have right now. This has costed us alot more. My doctor is out of network so I have had to pay every penny up to $900, then 20%. But, I don't care about that and neither does my DH. We both just want what is going to be best. The doctor and hospital will set us up on payments. Makes the strain less.

I can imagine the embarrassment of "accidents". I clean houses for a living and sometimes, then biggest tampon is just not enough. I double up with tampons and mattresses as much as I hate them. But, it has saved me quite a bit of embarrassment. I will not use a clients bathroom while in their home. And you, dear, cannot just run out of the classroom and leave your students.

Your DH will come around eventually. They will find things to crab about just to avoid the real issue at hand, your health. Luckily, I have had a DH who has been nothing but concerned. HE pushed me to keep going to doctors. He kept telling me "Hun, this is not normal. You REALLY need to go to a doctor to find out what is wrong." Had he not pushed me, I probably would have just dealt with it. Also, my DH is very open with his feelings. He says he is a lesbian trapped in a man's body. LOL. He is very much so in touch with his feminine side, yet still very masculine. Me and his mother are the only females who have ever seen him cry. And he did cry when I told him I was having this done. But, they were tears of joy knowing they figured it out and his baby wasn't going to have to suffer anymore.

I see you have quite a bit of time until your surgery. Try and take DH with you to the doctor's. Spend lots of time with him to make him feel more at ease. Men are big chickens and will NOT admit it. LOL. And they call us the weaker sex? Yeah right. I think not!

Hi
Men are strange beings - I don't have one of my own at the moment, but have what seems like a good experience of them
( I am good at advice just c**p at my own relationships - but thats another story)

I think Wildchild has it right....Men want to fix things - that's what they do.
They don't really talk about stuff, feelings etc...and when its emotional, embarrassing etc - OMG its worse
Lets face it in general they do not have the same responses as women and don't talk about their < "bit's" > to their mates like we do.... He is probably scared for you, worried about you and wants to fix it for you, but he can't

Men communicate on a different level - football (soccer), beer, cars etc.... feelings - emotions V unusual

Try not to get upset with him....after all he is a man !!!!

But on a really positive note.....
My best friend from the USA - who is a man, is coming all the way to the UK to be my carer, for 2 - 3 weeks I can't wait to see him . He is an absolute treasure , I don't really know what I would have done with out him being there for me.
once I return to the UK (I'm overseas at the moment) I live on my own....so my departure from the Castle probably would have been delayed.
What a great Best Friend - what more can I say....

All the very best....I send you a big Hug

Have a speedy recovery