DH wanting sex now!

My hysterectomy was three weeks ago today. I'm feeling great...well enough that I'm up doing light housework and cooking. DH seems to think he just cant wait any longer for sex. I have not been released from the Dr - he seems to think I should satisfy him in other ways. I'm really not in the mood right now and honestly, it makes me mad that he's only concerned about his needs. Any advice?

Hi Keeperoflight
I'm sorry you are dealing with this pressure. Sounds like you're going to need to sit down and have a little talk about consideration on both sides here. You can't give into this. You will endanger yourself and could end up with infection or worse. Here is a link to an article on Sex~Do I really have to wait six weeks?[/color]]Sex~Do I really have to wait six weeks? . This lays it out plainly. There are a lot of dangers in not doing exactly as your dr says. I would suggest printing it out and having him read it.
Sex is something that needs to be an expression of love, not something you are coerced into doing even when you don't feel like it. I hope he can come to see that his selfish attitude isn't helping to win you over. You are very early post op still. He needs to exercise some restraint right now.
I hope you can talk this out and come to an understanding for the coming weeks. Stay strong.
's,Rita

Tell him he wont go blind.


diana

Tell him sex would put you at risk of being injured........doesn't he know/realize that??

Should I feel obligated to "give him pleasures in other ways"?. He knew before my surgery that it would be 4-6 weeks...He slept on the couch last night and has been very quiet all day. I hate being on this guilt trip.

You shouldn't feel obligated to do a **** thing!....you just had major surgery!. He should be a lot more understanding of that. You should do what you feel comfortable with WHEN you feel comfortable with it, and certainly, do not risk injury by having intercourse!, that cuff needs to heal, or you will be in for a whole host of problems!.....and someone can only make you feel guilty, if you ALLOW them to!

I really think your husband is being immature by sleeping on the couch. My hubby and I got into some "outercourse" at about 4 weeks, but that was because I felt ready for it, not because he wanted it. Maybe the situation was more clear because I had a TAH and had this scar across my abdomen, I don't know, or maybe it's because my husband was just so thrilled that I came through okay. If your hubby stayed in the bed with you, maybe he would get some cuddling and closeness. Before we could have intercourse again was a great time for my hubby and me because we had to learn to do things other than intercourse. You husband is punishing himself for no good reason when he could be close to you right now. Don't feel quilty about taking time to recover from major surgery. With any luck, he will figure it out. If he doesn't, he's hurting mainly himself. Don't feel pressured, just concentrate on healing now.

Don't feel guilty for anything, please. Take your 6 weeks. How upsetting that he slept on the couch! Does he act that way over other issues? He needs to be MORE loving and then MAYBE you'll feel like meeting HIS needs. Tell him that. Tell him that upsetting you only delays healing. Good luck.

OK ... don't hate me, and I'm sure I'm in the minority here ... but I guess I feel that our husband's are important too ... and if we're up to light housework and cooking, why not do a little something for him?

It doesn't really take much ... or very long at this point ... and it would mean so much to him.

I satisfied my husband at about 8 days post-op, and it didn't really take much effort on my part (not intercourse of course, just manual stimulation). He didn't even ask ... he was perfectly fine to take care of things himself ... but I wanted to ... and it made me feel so good giving this to him. But that is just me ... and I know not everybody will agree.

Guess I come from old school ... and I feel that if we can, we should ... because it's a loving thing to do.

It didn't hurt me in any way ... wasn't uncomfortable at all, the way we did it ... and it had been so long for him, it took under 2 minutes.

Sorry .. probably TMI.

NOW .. if somebody is in constant pain and having complications, of course I don't believe they should do anything that they don't feel like doing ... but as long as you can tend to the house a bit, I feel we can tend to our husbands.

Again, old fashioned? yes ... , but that's just my opinion.

*ducks to avoid the flying stitches*

Dee

Hi, Keeeper of the Light,

I am in the same position. My surgery was March 1st. 3 weeks today. My husband and I have been having difficulties for about 6 months and are seeing a counselor. Sex is a big issue between us. Now he just starts joking about not having it and my sex drive will be lower etc. etc. When he jokes he gets very scarcastic and I feel demeaning. Which makes me want it even less. I even told him to knock it off especially now because I don't even feel attractive or sexy right now. But he doesn't stop. And for him it has to be intercourse. He actually does not want me to touch him in other places just to please him.

So I understand your situation. Wish I could give you advice. Just know you are not alone