Thoughts of not "waking up"

16 days pre-op. I have had thoughts about not waking up, you know, dying. I'm not terrified or anything. I have a strong faith in God. I just want to have things in order "just in case". I have wrote letters to my husband, son, and mom because I think it would be sad if I didn't have the chance to say good-bye. I figure the letters are good to have, kinda like a will. My husband, bless his heart, hates to make decisions, so I wrote what I would like to wear, music I like, and the such. I know this sounds morbid, but I feel like it helps to ease my mind from thinking about it. Most people avoid thinking about the possibility of death, but I thought it could be a useful post for anyone who thought they might be the only ones with these thoughts. I even made up a living will, so my loved ones wouldn't have to go through what Terry Shivo's family did. You can print one off the internet and have it notarized. It took less than 30 min. to complete and get it signed.
April

Honestly, the thought of not waking up from surgery never occured to me. I did sign a living will the day of my surgery, provided by the hospital. I know it happens, but rarely. I guess in writing the letters, it provides comfort that they're there if you need them, but I'm sure you won't. Kinda like taking an umbrella with you almost guarantees it won't rain. Best wishes with your surgery.

Jean

This goes through my mind daily too. I plan to call a lawyer this week to see if I can have a full will written and designate custody/guardianship of my dd to my partner since we just never seem to get around to this sticky issue.

I keep finding myself reflecting on my life and thinking that I have had it pretty good up until the last year, where each month I have missed two or three days due too extreme bleeding. So many of the "sick days" seem to keep falling on weekends or while traveling that it has affected family too.

I will plan for the worst; yet, hope for the best.

I hope I didn't come across as sounding like a pessimist, I'm quite the opposite. I guess I am a planner, though. I like everything taken care of so there aren't any loose ends.

I've been very optimistic about the surgery despite all sorts of complications since and I know it all comes down to being glad/relieved to be alive. I was a high risk patient but had lots of people praying for me. I am also a Christian but I was incredibly anxious before surgery and it was a comfort that all the women in my 6 bedded bay had the same fears about the anaesthetic, some had left letters, some verbal instructions. I feel guilty because I had my husband worried sick because I was away from the ward from 8 a.m. 'till 1.30.p.m. anyway it has generated strenghth to cope with all that has been flung at me since I'm left celebrating life itself and making lovely plans for the future. God Bless

I wasn't afraid about waking up but since I had had general anesthesia before and hated the "hangover" for days afterward I opted to have my TAH BSO done under epidural with sedation. I didn't even know that was an option. I have to tell you it was great and I would recommend it if your doctor agrees. I had surgery around 1:30 on the 14th of September and went home the next day around 6:00 PM. I never would have believed it. Something to consider and think about.

Greetings Gypsylady!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I find it difficult to talk to family and friends about the thought of not waking up. I too, have made sure all of my insurance papers are in order and have begun working on my letters.

I am very optimistic and spiritual and realistic. A few years ago my sister passed after a long illness. She did not have her papers in order. It tore a hole in our family.

Thank you for letting my know that I'm not alone!

Where did you get the will on the net? Was it a free download?
Thanks.

There are a lot of sites for living wills - you might want to just put "living will" and include your state on the search line. Different states may vary the form. Also consider a durable medical power of attorney which can be downloaded too. Most of the time your state bar association has a site which includes the form.

Good luck. (I'm kind of antsy about the surgery too - only person here is my 80 yo mother - husband can't leave home and fly here.)

Hugs,
Jeanne

Thanks for replying,Jeanne. I am SOOOOOO freaked about this- mine is coming up at the end of the month. I am 42 and didn't think I'd be doing this-especially at this age. I can see there's lots of women here,though that have been alot younger than myself and faced with a hyst. Maybe we can keep each other bouyed as we both approach our dates.

Lena