I am Justfiably Mad or just emotionaly mixed up?

Hello ladies,

After finding out on 4/29 I need to have a TAH for the dilbiltating pain because of fibroids, I've been on an emotional, mental and physical roller coaster.

All the drs visits, tests, pain, getting enough sleep and getting through the marathon days, the snapping at me of which they were unaware apparently.

The pain has been so very hard to focus on things but inspite of this, I was patient and methodical. Even though my dr gave permission to leave early each day, I only left for my pre-surgey appt and stuck it out every other day so far. I finally think I've got the person whose gong to cover me at work ready. I was proud of that.


I haven't had time to breath, let alone get myself mentaly ready to go through this Friday Morning. I have to be at the hospital at 6:15 am.

My guy whose a truck driver is scheduled to be back home at 8pm the night before so he can't help tie up loose ends for me.

I had mistakenly it seems that once I got the person ready at work, I would then inform my boss in detail where we stand on things and then tomorrow see if there was any way to leave earlier so I can get my ducks in a row. I informed in a detailed email where everything stood.

Now, I am informed to attend a meeting tomorrow afternoon to cover what I've taught to the boss so that blows even asking now.

Couldn't we do it in the morning geez! I've busted my hump even with this pain getting everything ready for them. I can barely walk. Don't they think someone needs a break here!

I'm having a real hard time staying professional now, I'm on the edge of a blowup and struggling for my last ounce of patience.

I am so mad and hurt too. I was keeping it together until now.
Now all I want to do is cry ....

Thanks for letting me vent ... Has anyone else gone through something like this and maybe a little advice on handling it. I really need the time if I can get it. I'm really afraid of blowing up and saying something I'll regret later if I get any snapping at me. I can't handle that right now.

Tshel,

I'm almost right there with you! I had a yearly exam scheduled for today (May 11), but April 20, I had such severe pain in my lower right pelvis, that I had to go in immediately. Ultrasound (abdominal and transvaginal) showed a 20-week sized uterus and at least one fibroid about 4 inches in diameter. Hysterectomy was suggested right off the bat... so began the nightmare.

Went for an MRI the next day, and returned for a visit on the 29th to discuss the MRI results. Showed at least two fibroids at least 4 inches in size and LOTS of little ones in there. There's no question in my mind of what happens next... surgery!

I did go today for my annual exam, and scheduled surgery for June 6 (TAH). That means 6 weeks out of work.

So here's where I can empathize with you. I'm a college administrator, and believe it or not, summer is our BUSIEST time. We have had our share of "traumas" in the office -- co-worker out now with back surgery, Registrar out because husband's going on life support, a resignation the WEEK OF COMMENCEMENT... and now, me.

I've tried my best, as the head of our department, to be there when I could, but like you, it's a struggle...emotionally and physically. I've had to miss days of work since April 20 for pain and some rather emotional times. Now, I'm going to face being out for a long period of time again...I'm concerned that I might not have as much support (and maybe even a job!) when I return.

What we have to keep telling ourselves is this -- bottom line is OUR HEALTH is most important! The job will always get done (although probably not quite as perfectly as WE would do it - smile). I see this time of having to be absent as somewhat of an "investment" in my future level of productivity at work -- coming back more revitalized, both emotionally and physically. Isn't that worth a few weeks' absence?

And finally... if the boss (and I say this for you AND me) doesn't seem to want to understand the situation, then maybe that's not a healthy place to be working anyway!

Doesn't your profile show you're a web designer? Well, if we run into trouble, you and I can just start our own business - designing college websites! Ha ha.

I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you. Best of luck.

- Leigh

I understand that you feel angry about this. Some people just don't get that this surgery is a big deal. I got some really rude comments and such before I had surgery as well. I just said well its their stupidity and let it go. Sometimes I had a great smart*** comment to go back to them, but mostly I just shrugged it off. I don't think that you are asking to much to have the afternoon to get your affairs in order. Just try to overlook their negativity and focus on you. I know this is hard to do sometimes, but you don't need the added stress now.

The stress of waiting is very hard! I also worked up to the day before my surgery and felt like a time bomb waiting to explode. Is there any way to call in sick? They will have to get along without you while you recover from surgery, let them get used to it. I would also suggest that you not have contact with the office while you are out. They will feel they can consult with you while you are home and you don't need that stress. I screened my calls and didn't speak to anyone I felt may cause stress. It is normal to be on edge before surgery and even more so since you didn't have alot of notice. I knew for a year that I had adenomyosis and had over a month when I got my date for surgery. Please try to take time for yourself and don't rush your recovery. Good luck.

tunkin66,

It sounds ike we are twins in this regard I too had the suddenness of all this. I went in thinking I had a bladder infection too on 4/20, CT n 4/22, the ultrasound. The following tuesday 4/26 that was very very painful I couldn't go back to work that day. (Needless to say that wasn't liked too much) . Found a gyno on 4/29 & bango scheduled for TAH on 5/13. Pre-op on 5/6, Presurgery lab 5/10 and here I go to the castle on 5/13.

Funny thing that I had my annual checkup last August and no clue there was a problem. I wonder about that part.
So it's not like I was putting off my health or anything. I was asked if I had normal periods and I said yes. Now I wonder what normal really is.

I know they say waiting is the stressful part, but I really haven't had time to think of the waiting, just the pain and the decision making and the preparing and hoping to the highest power, I'm dong the right thing. They classify this as an elective surgery but I just don't understand how it can be elective when it seems to be the only thing to do for this horrible pain!

Whew...I'm tired and I'm sure you are too. Intresting thought websites for colleges. Definitely my cup of tea. So there we have a backup both of us LOL.


jujub26,

Thanks for your validation. You are right. I am important to me. Your encouragement is so appreciated and yes stupid is the word I'm facing sometimes.

lmp66,
I am so glad to read you post, I hadn't though of that. I tend to feel so obligated sometimes to helping. I was even thinking of trying to get back earlier than 6 weeks. Now how silly was that. You are right I need to pamper me for a change. Thanks!

Okay girls, I'm there with you...

Fortunately my surgery date wasn't rushed on me like yours...I have an (at least) 4 year old huge ovarian cyst (non-malignant, we are pretty sure) that makes me look 5 months pregnant and my Dr. failed to diagnose all this time. Now that it's diagnosed 'they' want it out ASAP (afraid it is now so big it will rupture), but I can't schedule surgery because I have to get my 86 year old mother through a cataract surgery and a breast lumpectomy first! (I am only available caregiver).

I'm self-employed so don't have the *joy* of unforgiving bosses, but I have 'clients' I am totally unwilling to tell of my situation as they will view is as a 'female thing' and I will NOT let them judge my work (or inattention or 'failures') with that in the back of their mind!

I have no sage advice here, except what I recently came up with thanks to this site...all of you (and me) sound like the type who put everyone else first, yourselves last...if we watch 'Oprah' or 'Dr. Phil' we know that's unhealthy, and we knew it all along! I am *trying* as hard as I can to put myself first (as much as possible, with exception of Mom), and it's really helping.

I've started 'blowing off' little things...like not unloading the dishwasher when I think I 'should'...like returning client phone calls when it's good for me, not them...like saying 'I'm not cooking' now and then...every little thing really helps. Just sitting back for five minutes and focusing on yourself really works wonders if you are the type who doesn't generally focus on yourself at all. Put your all-time favorite song on the stereo, crank it up, close your eyes, pour a glass of whatever it is you like and just ZONE for five minutes. It works wonders! I'm not saying not to do your work...you'll probably still have to like I do...but five minutes to yourself isn't going to kill the bosses (they probably won't even notice) and it really helps. I've found that just breaking the 'cycle' of tension for a few minutes is a great benefit.

I've discovered something else...I am NOT the type to tell my problems to anyone else, but thanks to this site I decided to 'call in all my markers' when I was diagnosed, and tried to surround myself with positive energy. I told certain people what was going on - people who may not be my 'nearest and dearest', but who are friends or casual associates with work...I chose those who are positive people...and the amount of support I have received in return has just blown me away. You really don't know who your friends are until you need them and I've found support and hugs in unlikely places. Just be sure to choose those who you think will react positively - maybe even a secretary who has looked up to you or just been nice to you. I've just been amazed and am re-sorting my 'friends' list these days.

My 'best friend' has avoided me like the plague since I was diagnosed...don't know why...but that's another issue and negative energy I don't need.

I'm pretty much where you are at...I have to 'hold up' my end of the work load as self-employed (no employees) and will be plopping my butt in front of the computer as soon as is possible after surgery...But I know what's most important is my health, not making someone else happy. Yes, we all have to think about the $$$ and survival, but right now, we need to make it 'all about us,' and do what's right for US.

I'm self-employed with lousy insurance, but I would think that for those of you in the 'work force,' you might have resources I don't...a personnel manager or human resources person at work who might be able to mediate for you with your bosses??? Just hope it's a woman.

Hey, have any of your (male) bosses had a vasectomy or prostate surgery??? How long did it take *them* to recover and how much time did they take off? I don't know how you find out, but it might be worth it...

Good luck to you...We're in this together...

Jordan L.

It's alright sister, let it out! We're all here for you. I had a really hard time to before my surgery. Some people just don't understand and can be really rude. I got into it with a few of my co-workers before I left on med. leave. Sometimes I'd walk out of work crying. This is a big turning piont in your life, so it's alright if you get emotional. I think it's normal, I felt like I was going crazy. Sounds to me like your doing the best you can, so don't worry about it. If people can't understand, just ignore them & worry about yourself. Good Luck!

Do yourself a favor, and call in sick for tomorrow. You want to be as relaxed and at peace as much as possible. Your mind is on "tilt", and understandably. Take tomorrow and do what ever relaxes you most...spa treatment pamper yourself, you deserve it you have been giving of yourself, now take time for yourself. You could help yourself in the healing process by demanding your time to heal in peace and stressfree and without extra demands. I hope your not offended, but I have made the mistake of getting so stressed out, and have learned the hard way to make time for breaks and put myself first. This is just my opinion, Please take care and good luck.

Happy Flowers

After my dr's office screwed up the insurance authorization and rescheduling me three times (but never telling me until two days beforehand), I am finally on for Monday the 16th. I will be graduating from college (again) this Saturday with my teaching credential, but I am supposed to continue student teaching until the high school is done in mid-June. I have been doing the same thing you are...trying my hardest to be at school all day and teach even though the pain is getting worse and worse and I can no longer stand up straight. My mentor teacher doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of this surgery (even though his wife just had their 2nd baby) and expects me back in less than two weeks so I can finish our end of the year concerts that take place. Seems like no matter how much I tell him I don't know if I will physically be able to stand up in front of the group and conduct, yet alone doing that for 5 periods every day, he still just won't acknowledge what I'm going through and that this will be a rough recovery for me. As much as I really want to do all of our concerts and will miss the kids, I don't want to endanger my recovery and risk adhesions building up or stitches coming out. Finally I have just two days of school left before my surgery and have felt a little burst of energy and brief periods of less pain, I think because I'm so excited that it's finally happening and I'll FINALLY be in pain that gets better every day rather than getting worse every dya like right now

Thanks to everyone here. As it turns out, looks like the decsion was made for me. I woke up in such terrible pain bent over that there was no way to even try to go in.

I made the phone call and left a message. I feel guity but, nothing I can do about it. I guess I'll have to deal with any reprecussion if any when I return.


I've taken my pain med, hobbly started my laundry for the hospital, had a cup of coffee and beginning to pack for the castle slowly but surely & resting every couple of minutes.

I'll be glad when my life is back in my own control or at least partially that is. I'll be happy to be pain free soon.

It's humbling what runs through your mind ecspecially after I did an advanced directive a few minutes ago.

Seems silly for me but, I now feel a need to write a few "just in case" letters to my man, my son, my sisters and those who are my true friends. My heart feels so full and so empty at the same time.

This is the time I neeeded for those pesky ducks all over the place.

I'm so strong but yet so scared ......