dVH/RALH 11 Weeks Post Hysterectomy + Intercourse

Sorry such a sensitive topic, but I need to talk to someone. I'm so nervous to start having intercourse again with my husband. It's starting to affect my relationship. He is understanding but growing inpatient. I was given the all clear at 6 weeks post op at about 7 weeks my husband and I were intimate. It didn't hurt but didn't feel great either. I couldn't get into it even with stimulation. I was very dry and cried afterwards. I have my ovaries but the dryness was there. I felt "broken". I'm also overly concerned about the cuff even though I've had zero issues.

So now 4 weeks have passed since the last time, and I'm reluctant to try it again. I'm not in the mood, I avoid the conversation. I'm stressed at work, stressed at home. I'm being hard on myself. Any advice? Thank you

Resuming intimacy post op can be scary! We've had a lot done down below and the fears of damaging the vaginal cuff can put a damper on things.

I was cleared at 8 weeks for intimacy. I didn't feel ready, as I will still rather sore and tender, so we waited until 9 weeks. It wasn't great. I didn't feel into it and it was really more of a fact-finding mission. Would it hurt? Would I bleed? What would it feel like? Would it be ok for my husband? I considered it a success because I didn't bleed, my cuff didn't tear, and I had no terrible pain. I was sore and crampy afterwards and into the next day, so we waited a week or two before trying again. It got better with time, but it took a while.

Please know that for many of us there are no fireworks at first. It took a couple months before sex was at all enjoyable for me. My husband and I felt out of sync for a long time after my surgery... maybe he was scared of hurting me, maybe I was worried about disappointing him. I found patience, communication and trust to be key.

It sounds like you are under a lot of stress, and this is never conducive to getting in the mood. Dryness can be a result of you being worried. In any event, we do recommend lubrication for a few weeks/months post op, even if you feel it isn't needed. It reduces friction and can help you from feeling sore afterward. As for fears about damaging the vaginal cuff... these will only go away by having sex and seeing firsthand that you are ok. Be gentle and slow and be in a position where you have control.

I think a talk with your husband may help. Let him know what's going on with you, and give him a chance to help. If you work together, you will get past this. Hang in there, Sweetie.

You may need to wait longer. And when you do, use KY or one of the other brands to make it more comfortable.

I found the first few times underwhelming. I already was using lubricant, so that part was no different. I would recommend using one to eliminate the dryness factor, it can be temporary. I was concerned, but before long, my body adjusted to the changes and got back to a good place. Since then, sex has been as good as before. I wouldn't judge future sex by that one time, stress and newness can cause difficulties. Plus, to me, it felt like my body needed to rewire itself or something, that's my analogy, and it took a few fimes to figure it out and reach an aha moment. Give it time. Talk to your husband, communication helps. He may be relieved to talk. Let him help you through this. Reclaiming our sexuality after these surgery experiences takes time, it can be a process. Give it time, and keep talking.