Some people need a kick!!

Just a little rant and venting from me. I went to my parents for dinner tonight for mothers day. My brother and a couple of my sisters were there with their partners and children. My grandparents were also there. I was talking to my grandmother letting her know that I wouldn't be able to make it to a party she is having next weekend. She already knew why as my mother had already told her. My grandmother was asking me questions andI was happy to answer them about the surgery. While I was talking to her my mother turned round to another family member and said that I was having a hyst to get attention.

I am so fed up with her, niether of my parents have offered any form of support. I asked my mother if she could take the day off work to be with me when I first got my op date. She made a big deal out of having to take time off work for it. I told her not to bother. My father is getting extremly pushy with me telling me that I CAN go back to work in 3 weeks. I work with little children so there is alot of bending and lifting of children involved.

Honestly they are both so uncaring my mother more so. My grandmother offered to make a trip into town to sit with me on Wed and wait for me to come out of surgery. This lady is my step dads mother and she shows me more love and concern than my own mother.

I am sorry to go on like this but I had to vent before I exploded.
Thank you all
Ros

Awwww Ros

I'm so sorry the people in your life aren't offering the support you need right now. I'm sure they don't mean to be so uncaring. Sometimes people just don't understand that this is a major operation and one that we don't take lightly. It's not like having a tooth filled or something.

Try not to be too hard on them. Maybe they just don't know what to say and are more worried than you think. Or maybe they're trying not to make you worry so much by acting as though it's not so serious. Perhaps you could find a friend or other relative to come stay with you for a few days. Maybe someone from your church, a neighbor, etc.

I doubt your dr will be allowing you to go back to work at three weeks. Lifting will be a for a while and taking care of children is hard work! Please take time to recover and don't be forced into going against your drs wishes.

Take care...I'm sending you lot of sss
Blessings

I understand completely. My mom was against me having it done. Kept asking more and more questions about what else could I do instead ect. I finally said how much pain do you want me to live in? Then I started piling her with educations stuff from this site and several others on the whys and mostly on recovery. I also gave the recovery info to friends which has really made those around me so much more understanding of the limitations and why they are so important to stick to.

I still have a few friends that just don't get it or want to or maybe just aren't my real friends. Anyone who offers help, take them seriously and give them something to do. Cleaning, cooking, errands, yard ect.

Best Wishes to you,

Billie

TAH, BSO, and gall bladder removal 4-12-05

Before my surgery my mom was not being to supportive either, she felt it was to extreme for a 29 yr old to have a hyster. I felt very upset and hurt that she was acting that way. The night before my surgery must have been a turning point for her and all of a sudden her 'mom mode" kicked in and she ended up being so supportive. I hope the same happens for you. Maybe they are just having a hard time dealing with the fact that you are having a major surgery.
I have a 4 yr old dd and dealing with a little one at 3 weeks was not the easiest, so I wouldn't suggest going back to work at 3 weeks. I could not imagine having to deal with more than one.
Good luck!!!!!!!

Sorry, Ros...


I have no idea why people act like that. I also have a very non-supportive family. They don't give any attention at all, which I guess is better than having them say hurtful things. When I had my second surgery I just decided not to tell anyone.

Will you take your Grandmother up on her offer? I think you should. It's best to have someone there who really *wants* to be there, even if she is not a true-blood relation. I often read about women pleading with their mothers to come to the hosp. I think if you have to plead, you're better off without them there. You don't need resentment and negativity by your bedside while you're healing. My mother would probably have loved to come had I told her, but she is such a needy person that I decided that I couldn't handle having her there. Everything is about her, and that's tiring enough when you *haven't* just had surgery!

Good luck, Ros. I hope you have someone caring to be with you. Or, that your mother's maternal instincts kick in at the last minute (like Michelle's did). But don't count on it. Only count on those you know you can count on during this time!

I hope all goes smoothly. I don't know what kind of surgery you're having, but back to work at 3 weeks--working with kids--sounds too early!



Margot

I agree that your grandmother is being very, very sweet to you and I would take her up on her offer, too. You deserve to have someone supporting you at the castle who wants to be there for you.

to you. I am praying that all goes well.

Thank you all so much. My mother has always been the type of person that is only concerned about herself and does the poor me routine when sick.

I am lucky enough that I do have a very good friend who will be taking me to the hospital and staying until I return from surgery.

I guess I am just truly angry with my mother as I have turned my world upside down for her in the past and she cannot even do this for me when I would have needed most. As my sister said to me she will pull the "poor me" when I am in hospital or the overly concerned mother when others are around. With either one of those cases I just don't need it. I am worried that if she comes to visit me in either one of those states I will tell her exactly what I feel and have felt about her and her little acts. My sister said it would probably be a good thing as I wouldn't be able to be held accountable as it will be the meds talking........lol.

Anyway thankyou all so much
Ros

Dear Ros
Maybee show your parents these messages or at least a print out of checkpoints. I work in a pre-school in Sydney and it is very active work and can be quite unpredictable. You might have todeal with a screaming kicking child or one with social problems who will disguise a hug with a thump to the belly (we've got one like that) I have enough sick days so im not going back until the full six weeks are up. it would be unfair on my employer to go back then have to take more time off because i hurt my surgery. Its not as though you live with your parents and theyre relying on board from you or anything. Heres a message to them from me ROs"S MUM AND DAD: SHE CAN"T GO BACK TO WORK IN THREE WEEKS PRE SCHOOL ISNT JUST BABY SITTING AND SWEET MUSIC!!!!!!HER EMPLOYER WONT WANT HER BACK UNTIL SHE IS TOTALLY HEALED.
Having said that all the best to all of you and i hope some understanding can come into your family. family is precious
God bless Linda B

My parents are in need of hearts. I live on my own with my 2 boys. My father has a very strong work ethic. I do too. The time I am having off now is the first break in any form for ten years. I am going nuts now, let alone after surgery. My sick days from work in that time you could count on my fingers and one foot.
The difference between my father and I is that I KNOW I need time to recover properly.

I work with special needs children and most are behavioural problems. So I do get hit a bit and kicked. After surgery I will also be on blood thinners so there is no way I could go back in three weeks as I would bruise easy and bleed easy. My father just doesnt understand and my mother told my brother last night that I am not even having a hyst. My brother then started on her as he has seen all my paper work. She still doesn't care.

still a sore point all this I guess.
thanks everyone

Hi Ros73,

I do understand the mom issues. When I told my mother I was having mine, she said she didn't understand why I was going to have it done since it was an optional procedure. I tried to explain it to her that it is not optional and she just said she was at work and had to go. She also informed me that she was told too that she had Endo at one time and she just suffered through the painful periods and didn't understand why I cannot do it like she did.
Then I asked my sister why she was like that the next day and she said it was because I am the type of person who acts too irrationally and too quickly and our mom thinks I am doing this all for the wrong reasons.
I was a bit ticked off at my sis, since she also felt that I do not take the time to rationalize things and jump in head first.
Then after explaining that I have known this was coming since 1999 and told her of all the ER visits I had to go through and all the pain and only then after 2 hours of getting it all out there, she asked me why I had never talked to her about it in the past.

You see, I had to tell her that since we have only had a close relationship for the last few years, I never shared it with her because I already knew I had Endo and what could she really tell me since she has never experienced what I go through. All her girlie parts are non painful and her period is only a bit inconveniencing.
I definitely understand. I have since worked on my mom and sis and things are better, although I don't always feel their support.

I am so sorry for the unsupportive parents.
I am sending a big your way.

Kristi